Grampa gives each family member a portion of his savings; Lisa worries that Nelson's instant success with a new business venture might lure him away from continuing his education.
WAR
27.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Loan A Lisa” ranks #503 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 71.5 — Solid. The episode packs 58 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 6.5 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Nelson landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bart: $500?! That's, like, ten dead Grampas!
Bart Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: After Bart, that bag's the best mistake we ever made.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer · Marge: Is that the cat in there?! Well, it's a cat. I'm not sure it's the cat.
Nelson: Haw-haw! Sorry. Haw-haw! Sorry.
Nelson Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Chris Hansen: I'm Chris Hansen from To Catch a Credit-Whore.
All Jokes — 58 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart · Lisa: No fair! We just went to church! Yeah, so we've already heard stories from thousands of years ago about stuff that didn't happen.
Bart Lisa Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Grampa: I've had a lot of time to think since my hands got too shaky to play cards.
Grampa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: It's not your fault, Grampa. These cards are too slippery. See? [cards fall] Damn it!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Irony/Sarcasm Homer: 50 bucks each?! That's your life savings?! This won't even cover the vig on what I owe!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Grampa: Well, I lost the rest investing in a Broadway musical based on the real-life story of Eddie Gaedel, the midget who had one big league at-bat.
Grampa Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Grampa: ♪ What do I do with this damn little man? His strike zone's the size of a tuna fish can! ♪
Grampa Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Bart: I just paid some loser 50 bucks to walk up the down escalator all day.
Bart Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: I bet it's 11:00. I bet it's 11:00! Oh, 9:15?!
Bart Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick Marge: Ooh, so many celebrities have their own label: Princess Penelope, Booberella, The Real Housewives of Ogdenville, even Scratchy.
Marge Observational Meta/Self-Referential Marge: Gotta look without looking like I'm looking. Yes!
Marge Character Comedy Observational Helen Lovejoy: Oh, my God, you are so burned! I'll take it!
Julio: But stay on my good side, girlfriend. Or... uh-oh!
Julio Character Comedy Observational Bart: $500?! That's, like, ten dead Grampas!
Bart Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Homer · Marge: Is that the cat in there?! Well, it's a cat. I'm not sure it's the cat.
Celebrity: It's not what you think! I'm researching a movie where I play myself.
Homer: After Bart, that bag's the best mistake we ever made.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Animated Goat: I am just a goat, but even I know that a peasant in an emerging economy can't get a break. She needs a microloan.
Animated Goat: And now, apparently, I am a girl.
Chief Wiggum · Lou: I need backup, Lou. Get two plates and follow me. Uh, Chief, not now; I'm undercover.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, it's like that, huh? The minute you go undercover, you act like you don't even know me! He'll turn on you, too, Fat Tony, you just wait!
Chief Wiggum: Boy, I bet that looked cool in super slow motion. Too bad we saw it in regular motion.
Muhammad Yunus: To find an entrepreneur you want to lend to, click on my nose... if you can catch it. It's up here! Now down here! Too slow!
Nelson: My name is Nelson Mandela Muntz.
Nelson Character Comedy Observational Nelson: My dream is to make enough money so's I can get the rest of this tattoo removed.
Nelson Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Nelson's Mom: Nelson, I gotta take this computer to the pawn shop, so's we can get White Castle for your birthday.
Nelson: Some anonymous dude sent me 50 bucks. Probably someone cool like Famous Amos or Ba Ba Booey.
Nelson Character Comedy Observational Nelson: Good day, Mr. Barf-Breath. Good day to you. Let me be frank: Everyone thinks you're a wuss.
Nelson Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Nelson: Tonight I'm having peanut butter and jelly. No more PB or J for me.
Nelson Character Comedy Escalation Store Employee: I believe this stranger!
Homer: You got to enjoy that bag for nothing! We can buy stuff we can't afford, temporarily own the hell out of it, and then indignantly bring it back for a full refund.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Hide a sandwich in this hat. 'Mary Poppins' myself to work with this umbrella.
Homer Absurdist Observational Homer: Yeah, the luck lasts longer! Thanks to the power of returns, this store is our closet!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Nelson: I'm making money fist over face! Dingus! Great timing! Awesome! No way I can look nerdy on this bike.
Nelson Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Nelson's Mom: This place is so fancy, Nelson. The ketchup packets are made of glass.
Homer · Marge: Don't wipe your feet. Whoa, look at all this stuff! Did you find a mouse head in your Cuppa-Soup? I wish.
Homer: With this protective plastic overlay, I can't tell if I'm watching an old Seinfeld or an old Old Christine.
Homer Observational Meta/Self-Referential Nelson · Lisa: I owe you everything. Well, I didn't do this for thanks, but if you want to thank me, I can stand here and listen for as long as it takes.
Nelson · Lisa: I never would have achieved the kind of success that has allowed me to quit school. You're quitting school?! Dropping it like a melon off an overpass.
Nelson: Spelling, meet F-Y-R-E.
Nelson Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Principal Skinner: With Nelson gone, lunch money's finally making its way to the cafeteria. Nurples are returning to their natural, non-purple hue.
Principal Skinner: $11 an hour? That's night watchman money.
Lisa · Principal Skinner: Isn't that a Christmas tie? It's a conversation starter!
Store Employee: Sir, this suitcase has an airline tag on it, these ping-pong balls have been served and volleyed, and this hot plate's still warm.
Chris Hansen: I'm Chris Hansen from To Catch a Credit-Whore.
Homer: I have to sign a release so you can broadcast this, right? Initial there, and... Never!
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Nelson · Mark Zuckerberg: S'up, Zuck? 'Mark Zuckerberg is... happy to meet new friends.'
Mark Zuckerberg · Nelson: Well, the truth is... I dropped out of Harvard. You did? Better earnin' than learnin'!
Unnamed Graduate: I did. Graduated magna cum lade. I'm afraid I haven't done too well for myself. But I can certainly appreciate the irony of it.
Homer: I gave a bum a dollar once, and he used it to buy an Ellery Queen mystery. But there was one mystery Ellery Queen couldn't solve-- why a man was named Ellery.
Homer Absurdist Observational Homer: I gave a bum a dollar once, and he used it to buy an Ellery Queen mystery. But there was one mystery Ellery Queen couldn't solve-- why a man was named Ellery.
Homer Observational Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Customer · Nelson: My Wizard of Oz bike fell apart in the middle of the Pride parade! What kind of pride? Never you mind what kind!
Martin · Nelson: Uh, this epoxy you've been using is water soluble, which means it's not weather-resistant. Dumb it down for me. Um... bike... sticky... water go bye-bye?
Dolph · Kearney: You can't break us up. We're like a family here. Kearney and I are having brunch on Sunday. If I'm up.
Principal Skinner: $50! I can buy paint for the art class, instead of those crushed-up berries I find in the woods.
Nelson: Haw-haw! Sorry. Haw-haw! Sorry.
Nelson Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Mark Zuckerberg: 'Mark Zuckerberg is...' [crash sound]
Nelson Character Comedy Running Gag Callback Top Episodes — The Simpsons
