Brothers Little Helper

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Skinner · Bart:Why, this is retardant. [Laughing] Sure is.

Skinner · Bart:That's called a hose lengthener. [Laughing] You need one.

Bart:Just read the label. It's a king-sized flamer! [Laughing Hysterically]

Bart:Look! A fire... engine. Stop that! Help! Help! Fire... helmets.

Bart:Sure, I can do something destructive.

Groundskeeper Willie:Just say the word, and I'll drive this hoe in his back! I can make it look like suicide.

Bart:And I want a bike, and a monkey, and a friend for the monkey-

Ralph:At my house, we call 'em 'uh-ohs.'

Fireman:Tricks? That's rich. He's so inbred, he can barely stand up.

Fire Chief:Fire can be our servant... whether it's toasting s'mores or raining down on Charlie.

Volunteer Fire Department Players:What a great pot party! Wasn't it, man?

Volunteer Fire Department Players:Maybe we should get another smoke detector in case that one trips out on us. [Chuckling] Why bother, baby? One smoke detector's enough for Mad Dog.

Volunteer Fire Department Players:Stop, drop and roll, man! [Chuckling] That's for Clydes, baby. A little fire can't hurt you.

Narrator:The fire burned through the night... and cost him the use of his pants.

Ned · Others:Sorry to break character... but these stunt pants are gettin' pretty toasty! Roll, Neddie! Roll!

Ned:It's not workin'! It just spreads the flame!

Fire Chief · Bart:What's it doing in the gymnasium? Yee-haw!

Bart:Yeah. It all kind of came together.

Homer:Thank you for getting me out of work.

Principal Skinner:Bart's latest escapade... goes far beyond the realm of the high jink.

Skinner:There. Now the floor is as good as new. [Groans] My sport goggles!

Principal Skinner:Your son is a ravenous demon, relentlessly gnawing at all that's good and true.

Homer:Yeah, he's something else, all right.

Homer:Hey, that looks like Bart.

Skinner · Homer:And turning to the 3-D map, we see an unmistakable cone of ignorance. Put it away! Put it away!

Homer:You mean like John Leguizamo?

Homer:Hi, Marge. It's me- Homer. [Clears Throat] What? Time to go?

Bart · Skinner:Gimme an 'F'! [Gasps] Good Lord! Gimme an 'art'! He's gotten into the pep closet.

Skinner:I'd say he's coming out of the pep closet. [Chuckles]

Dr. Hibbert:These are normal guinea pigs running around like idiots. [All Squealing] Now I'll give them some Focusyn.

Dr. Hibbert:They become your slaves. Yes. But it's not about slavery. It's about helping kids concentrate.

Dr. Hibbert:The only thing more effective is regular exercise. [Shudders]

Marge:Some special helpers that'll make you a good boy.

Homer · Marge:All your favorite stars have used drugs. Brett Butler, Tim Allen- Tommy Lee. Andy Dick. He's just flamboyant. Yeah, and I'm a size four.

Homer:[Gibberish continues]

Ned · Rod · Todd:Does Mr. Simpson have a demon, Daddy? Looks like it. Run and get Daddy's exorcism tongs. [Together] Yea!

Marge:Yes, I just thought you might love me enough to let me help you.

Homer · Marge:Way to guilt him, Marge. It's what I do.

Bart · Marge:I'm having some side effects from the dope. It's not dope! All I know is my testicles won't fit in my underwear.

Marge · Lisa:Bart, get those oranges out of there. Back in the lunches you go. Ew, Mom!

Milhouse · Bart:I'll trade you a Claritin for one. Claritin-D? Nah. Can't help you.

Nelson:I take hormones to lower my voice. Now all I wanna do is fight. What are you lookin' at?

Ralph:You think you got it bad? I gotta wear a shock collar. [Screams] What was that for? I thought about a girl I like.

Students · Milhouse:Hey, look at those dogs going at it! I wanna see 'em! I wanna see 'em! Fightin' over a fan belt. Dogs are outstanding.

Edna · Bart:What? You're still in your seat. Well, it's not like I never saw a dog before.

Krusty · Lisa · Bart:You choked? You choked? Bart! Bart! Krusty just fired his associate producer. I'm reading.

Lisa:'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pre-Teens'?

Bart:Joke if you will, but did you know most people use 10% of their brains? I am now one of them.

Bart:'Memo to self: Lock door.' 'Memo to self: Shut up, Lisa.'

Marge:Cost of paper: five cents. A mother's love: priceless.

Marge:No, but here's a book called Chicken Soup for the Loser... that gave Bill Buckner the courage to open a chain of laundromats.

Homer · Lenny:He organized all the lawsuits against me into one class action. That's gonna save all kinds of travel time.

Homer:I'll ask it how many leagues in a furlong. No, wait. I'll make it say, 'What's a-matter, you?' in Turkish.

Carl · Homer:A guy could do great things with a gadget like that. Yeah, a guy could do great things.

Bart · Native American boy:And why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? Because he took his eyes off the prize? That's right. You stay on the ball, you stay on the wall.

Homer:He's gone from goofus to gallant. And we owe it all to mind-bending pills.

Homer:Ooh! Let's go to the water park! My 10-year ban ended yesterday.

Homer · Marge:Marge, this is the greatest gift... any wife has ever given her husband. I thought you'd like it.

Homer:Shut up, or I'll pound all of ya! [Yells]

Marge:I heard about a new bar where men dance with men. Doesn't that sound adorable?

Lisa:RayJ. funny, or O.J. funny?

Bart:You're probably wondering about the coat hangers. They're to block the satellite that's been spying on me.

Homer · Bart:Hey, I had Lenny's name on that! They have it now.

Bart:Who else? Major League Baseball.

Homer:Hey, you found my needle-nose pliers.

Dr. Hibbert:Oh, that was his idea. He said he felt fat.

Marge:He quit blinking. He says that's when they get you.

Marge · Dr. Hibbert:Hmm, and maybe some cyclobenzanone? That's a great idea!

Bart:No! You can't take my Focusyn. I need every brain cell blazing to outwit my invisible enemies.

Dr. Hibbert:Uh-oh! Somebody's gonna have a tummy ache.

Dr. Hibbert:Hey, there was just air in mine.

Chief Wiggum:[Snickers] Looks like the kid who roughed up the Wilson widow.

Marge:Oh, my little guy's out there in the hot sun without his sombrero.

Homer:But how do we know, Marge? How do we know?

Mr. Burns · Smithers:Smithers, we're at war! I'll begin profiteering, sir. And hoarding.

Mr. Burns:Leave it to the Democrats to let the Spaniards back in the pantry.

Comic Book Guy:This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra... or possibly... Ghost Rider. What about Superman? Oh, please.

Bart:Come on! Get out! Noodles, Seesaw, Oopsie... Lobsweat, Hoohah, Jitters, Sir Wide Bottom!

Military officer:You've raised the bar for all of us, Simpson, and I thank you.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Shoot the tires out, Lou. Uh, it's a tank, Chief. You know what? I'm gettin' real tired of your excuses.

Homer:Why don't you just tell everybody?

Student:All right! Scud the school, dude!

Ned:Not the church! Jesus lives there!

Moe:The frame store? You monster!

Ralph:Not the sky! That's where clouds are born!

Chief Wiggum:That's the end of your loony tune, Drugs Bunny.

Bart · Lou:I told you they were monitoring my activities. He's right! This thing's got info on everybody.

Mark McGwire:Hi, folks. I'm Mark McGwire.

Mark McGwire:Young Bart here was right. We are spying on you pretty much around the clock.

Mark McGwire · Crowd:Do you wanna know the terrifying truth... or do you wanna see me sock a few dingers? [All] Dingers! Dingers!

Lisa:Plus, you exposed the disturbing unreadiness of today's army.

Bart · Homer:Why is the zero made out of glass? Who cares? That man can really slug.

Bart · Homer:Why is the zero made out of glass? Who cares? That man can really slug.

Marge:From now on, it's nothing but fresh air... lots of hugs and good old-fashioned Ritalin.

Bart:When I can't stop fiddlin' I just takes me Ritalin / I'm poppin' and sailin', man

Man:Oh, why'd you have to shush? You ruined the whole show!