The President Wore Pearls

Homer:Finally, they'll teach our kids the dangers of doubling down on a six.

Marge:I really shouldn't be here. I have a problem with games of chance.

Marge:I played Candy Land with Maggie and ended up throwing vodka in her face.

Marge:Bet? System? Betting system? God is telling me to gamble!

Fat Tony:My fee for this evening goes to victims of my criminal recidivism.

Fat Tony:So relax, have fun and please God don't piss me off.

Martin:I got the idea from an episode of Saved by the Bell. It was always on too late for me.

Homer:Woo-hoo! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh...

Bart:First thing tomorrow, we're getting a PlayStation One.

Bart:Give me most of it in cash and the rest in suitcases to carry the cash.

Willie:I'll be bringin' sparkplugs to chuck at people I don't like, like you!

Fat Tony:Think I won't manhandle a little boy?

Milhouse:Look at me! I'm a big man! But I break just like a little girl.

Martin:I should've known. The same thing happened on Saved by the Bell.

Martin · Skinner:I'll have that milk now. Easy there. That's whole milk. I'm a private citizen now! I can drink what I like!

Martin:You won't have Martin Prince to kick around anymore!

Rental workers · Skinner:We're from Acme Amusement Rental. We're looking for Principal Skinner. Uh. Yes, we all are. Whoo!

Nelson:I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have all the answer keys to every test.

Nelson:Fractions, dinosaurs, foreign money, the first Thanksgiving.

Nelson:Real estate license exam. My ticket to freedom!

Bart:What a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata!

Marge:Honey, you could be popular. You've just gotta be yourself in a whole new way!

Bart:My name is Nelson. I use a salad fork. La-dee-dah! I wash my face!

Lisa · Bart:Where did you get that tutu? Clothesline.

Student · Lisa:What is she yakkin' about? I rest my case.

Lisa:Lisa's campaign song about being a bookworm

Nelson:Hey, I've got a song, too. I am Iron Man! Vote for me! Ah, screw it.

Skinner:Wow, she even beat perennial write-in candidate 'Skinner Sucks.'

Chalmers:She's captured their imagination like a bright piece of construction paper.

Edna:Well, if you ask me, a woman's weakness is her sense of vanity.

Lisa · Skinner:So when's my inauguration? Hmm. Let's see. When hell freezes over, tough guy.

Lisa · Others:Lisa's makeover montage song

Marge:Like you're the wife of a businessman. I wish I'd married a businessman. Then I'd have nice things.

Gypsy:Is our Frisbee now.

Willie:Look at me. I'm Milhouse. I tuck my shirt into me underpants. I've got no friends. So I confide in Willie.

Teacher:Oh, hello, Lisa. We were just discussing Vasco da Gama.

Teacher:And I'll have hypnotherapy when?

Teacher:I've got a question. You're crazy.

Lisa:Move the brush fire hazard needle?

Skinner:It's like you're Harry Potter without the magic and wonder.

Skinner:That little girl should learn to read things before she signs them.

Skinner · Chalmers:Boy, she'll believe anything. 'Key release boilerplate'? I find that very hard to believe. Mmm-hmm. And yet there it is.

Homer:You're like Geraldine Ferraro. Except you won where she failed miserably.

Bart · Homer:I was being sarcastic. You were? No, I was being sincere. Oh, I'm so confused.

Bart:On my chess set, the pawns are all Hamburglars.

Chalmers:Why don't you just give me a sandwich board that says 'male prostitute'?

Student:Hello, self-esteem! Repo man! Ahhh!

Skinner:I'll be cooking my Lean Cuisine in your kiln tonight!

Skinner:I'll be cooking my Lean Cuisine in your kiln tonight!

Bart:Lisa is a sellout. Lisa is a sellout.

Nelson:They eliminated English for Fat Kids! Okay, you'll do!

Bart:And it wasn't exactly San Diego State to begin with.

Homer:There's Bugs Bunny, Fat Elvis, Autumn in New England, Bats of the Southwest, all heroes.

Homer · Lisa:Do you want to see Elvis kiss a bat? Hey, baby, come here. I want to kiss you. No, don't kiss me. You tricked me into betraying my fellow students!

Skinner:Look at your constitution. It's written on the back of a place mat. And not a good place mat. It's from someplace called 'Doodles.'

Skinner:Any student caught striking will be severely disciplined unless all of you do it. Then I'm stymied.

Skinner · Agnes:Our budget is stretched tighter than Mother's sauna pants. Seymour! Quit using me in analogies. Yes, Mother.

Lisa · Students:What about gym? Meh.

Skinner:Why didn't I cancel Sign Making and Creative Chanting?

Chalmers · Citizen:Would you be willing to pay an extra $1.23 in taxes to fund them? No way! I'm saving for a speedboat.

Bart:You do? Cool. A blank check for mayhem.

Marge:Those Fudruckers!

Chief Wiggum:Remember, boys. These are little kids. So take out your tiny batons.

Wiggum:You mean, the mayor who kept me waiting for two hours in that restaurant? I ate so much bread...

Wiggum · Lou:Well, I can't take that rattlesnake out of his mailbox now, now can I? Yes, Chief, you could. Well, let me ask you this. Shut up.

Michael Moore · Reporter:Kids who don't get to take music and art are 10% more likely to become chronically unemployed and appear in one of my movies. Where did you get that statistic? Your mother!

Theme Park Zombie:Zombie eat brains but zombie cannot swallow this injustice.

Bart · Reporter:Her brother had this to say. Lisa is a nut. She has a rubber butt. Every time she turns around, it goes putt putt.

Willie:All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive. Not even Willie!

Edna:I don't mean to interrupt your advice from the janitor, but I say cut off the head and the body will die.

Lisa · Homer:Oh, this place is paradise! Well, I guess this story has a happy ending after all. Just like my last massage.

Homer · Lisa:I'm not driving 45 minutes a day! But this is my dream. Oh, why can't you have a normal dream like being an Olympic figure skater?

Homer · Lisa:Are you crazy? I'm not getting up at 6:30 every morning so you can prance around a frozen pond and think you're better than me. Okay! Over my dead body!