Bart lands himself in trouble when he steals a mobile phone from Denis Leary and subsequently uses it to land the actor a comical film role. The troublemaker then leads his family to the ancient ruins of Machu Picchu after Marge confiscates the device and decides to use its GPS technology to track her son.
WAR
47.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Lost Verizon” ranks #165 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.1 — Elite. The episode packs 59 scored jokes at 3.6 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bart: Which one, the one that got canceled or the one that's gonna get canceled?
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Escalation German patron: I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor.
Brian Grazer: I just paid $5 million for the screen rights to the book Everybody Poops.
Homer: Out of gas?! But how? I put a dollar in this morning and we've only driven 90 cents.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge: As it is, I'm buying frozen peas on installments.
Marge Absurdist Character Comedy All Jokes — 59 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart: Teacher's diet is working.
Homer: Out of gas?! But how? I put a dollar in this morning and we've only driven 90 cents.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: You had to drive with the windows down, didn't ya, Rockefeller?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Grampa: Let's see, B-12...
Grampa Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Homer: This counts as a parent-teacher conference!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Unknown: Principal crossing Freewy - Expect delays
Unknown Visual Gag Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Milhouse: I couldn't get a hold of him. No cell phone. But if I know Bart, he's busy doing something awesome.
Lisa: Because you love the taste of my imaginary tea.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Nelson: Hey, Spaz! While you were here spazzing yourself, you totally missed out.
Nelson Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bart: What, do you think I'm crazy?
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Reaction Beat Callback Bart: Your son is lamer than Milhouse. What does that say about you?
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Marge: As it is, I'm buying frozen peas on installments.
Marge Absurdist Character Comedy Bart · Lisa: And I'm never gonna go to Machu Picchu. In this family, you get used to disappointments.
Rich golfer: Don't tell me where I go. A dollar? What for? It's the least I can do. These balls cost five dollars new.
Rich golfer: This is why my kids go to private school.
Willie: Weekends and summers, I'm Greenskeeper Willie.
Willie Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Willie: Now I won't have to pleasure a country-club wife to get me steak dinner.
Willie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Unknown golfer: Hey, Leary, if you want to have a tea party, go back to Boston.
Denis Leary: "Ice Age" was the name of the film. I played Diego, the vicious saber-toothed tiger, who, guess what, has a heart.
Bart: You can even watch commercials on it.
Bart Observational Irony/Sarcasm Milhouse: I'm not supposed to look out the window when I'm alone.
Bart: You want Denis Leary? Wrong number, dumb-ass.
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Brian Grazer: I just paid $5 million for the screen rights to the book Everybody Poops.
Brian Grazer: Only one face came to mind for the constipated gorilla: yours.
Denis Leary: I want to do my own poops.
Bart: Boston comedian-turned-movie-star-turned-basic-cable-notable?
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Escalation Bart: I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Australian patron: Better put it down then, mate.
German bartender: Olaf Myfriendsaregay.
German patron: I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor.
Bart: Oh, the sun never sets on the Bartish Empire.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Meta/Self-Referential Bart: Which one, the one that got canceled or the one that's gonna get canceled?
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Escalation Milhouse: I'm desperate for any signs of adult approval.
Denis Leary: No it's not. It's easy! I'll tell you what's hard: having to watch my stunt double run into a burning building, worrying that people might realize it's not me; it's him.
Marge: I know I said you couldn't have a cell phone, but, in these days of stranger dangers and sinister ministers...
Marge Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Marge: in these days of stranger dangers and sinister ministers,
Marge Wordplay/Pun Observational Homer: Like a big-mouthed bass.
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Marge · Homer: That's a hard hat zone! You sure this is safe? Sure, I got my seat belt on.
Bart: Uh,... trying to do something constructive?
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Hey, Bart just keeps spinning around and around and around. What's his angle?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag Bart · Homer: Uh... we're doing laundry. Dad, do laundry.
Fat Tony · Chief Wiggum: Soon you'll be mine. Keep talking, creep-o. Every word buys you another year in the slammer.
Bart: Viagra at five dollars a pill? Whatever it is, it's goin' in Skinner's coffee.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Skinner · Chalmers: What is in this coffee?! Mm-hmm.
Marge · Homer: He must be running away! Eh, he won't get far. Not on the crappy breakfast I made for him.
Lisa: First, I'm gonna take a bath. Then I'm gonna eat some vegetables and then I'm gonna get to bed nice and early, with no TV.
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Milhouse: My mom's gonna wake up soon. She gets upset if someone's not there to tell her where she is.
Milhouse: Listen Bart, if I don't get home soon, there won't be time for my mom to give me a hug, my dad to read me a story, and both of them to sing me a song until I gently fall asleep.
Bart: Real boogeyman weather.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Bart: You've been flying south because you're migrating to... Machu Picchu, Peru!
Bart: Day is awesome! Night is scary. Day is awesome! Night is scary...
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Homer: That unpleasantness in Ecuador is behind us. My coca leaf addiction is under control.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: Clearly the work of Wirakocha, the trickster god.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Incan Guide: Our mothers were the most overprotective in the greater Machu Picchu metropolitan area.
Marge · Native guide: Those walls do look safe. Walls that keep out danger keep out knowledge.
Incan Guide: I didn't mean to. I'm just chatty. I sold my business a few years ago and I miss talking to people.
Native guide: I didn't mean to. I'm just chatty. I sold my business a few years ago and I miss talking to people.
Homer: but all I see is a stupid bird with a tracking chip on its leg. It doesn't add up.
Homer Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Bart: Were you guys gone? I didn't even notice.
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Top Episodes — The Simpsons
