Lost Verizon

Bart:Teacher's diet is working.

Homer:Out of gas?! But how? I put a dollar in this morning and we've only driven 90 cents.

Homer:You had to drive with the windows down, didn't ya, Rockefeller?

Grampa:Let's see, B-12...

Homer:This counts as a parent-teacher conference!

Unknown:Principal crossing Freewy - Expect delays

Milhouse:I couldn't get a hold of him. No cell phone. But if I know Bart, he's busy doing something awesome.

Lisa:Because you love the taste of my imaginary tea.

Nelson:Hey, Spaz! While you were here spazzing yourself, you totally missed out.

Bart:What, do you think I'm crazy?

Bart:Your son is lamer than Milhouse. What does that say about you?

Marge:As it is, I'm buying frozen peas on installments.

Bart · Lisa:And I'm never gonna go to Machu Picchu. In this family, you get used to disappointments.

Rich golfer:Don't tell me where I go. A dollar? What for? It's the least I can do. These balls cost five dollars new.

Rich golfer:This is why my kids go to private school.

Willie:Weekends and summers, I'm Greenskeeper Willie.

Willie:Now I won't have to pleasure a country-club wife to get me steak dinner.

Unknown golfer:Hey, Leary, if you want to have a tea party, go back to Boston.

Denis Leary:"Ice Age" was the name of the film. I played Diego, the vicious saber-toothed tiger, who, guess what, has a heart.

Bart:You can even watch commercials on it.

Milhouse:I'm not supposed to look out the window when I'm alone.

Bart:You want Denis Leary? Wrong number, dumb-ass.

Brian Grazer:I just paid $5 million for the screen rights to the book Everybody Poops.

Brian Grazer:Only one face came to mind for the constipated gorilla: yours.

Denis Leary:I want to do my own poops.

Bart:Boston comedian-turned-movie-star-turned-basic-cable-notable?

Bart:I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.

Australian patron:Better put it down then, mate.

German bartender:Olaf Myfriendsaregay.

German patron:I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor.

Bart:Oh, the sun never sets on the Bartish Empire.

Bart:Which one, the one that got canceled or the one that's gonna get canceled?

Milhouse:I'm desperate for any signs of adult approval.

Denis Leary:No it's not. It's easy! I'll tell you what's hard: having to watch my stunt double run into a burning building, worrying that people might realize it's not me; it's him.

Marge:I know I said you couldn't have a cell phone, but, in these days of stranger dangers and sinister ministers...

Marge:in these days of stranger dangers and sinister ministers,

Homer:Like a big-mouthed bass.

Marge · Homer:That's a hard hat zone! You sure this is safe? Sure, I got my seat belt on.

Bart:Uh,... trying to do something constructive?

Homer:Hey, Bart just keeps spinning around and around and around. What's his angle?

Bart · Homer:Uh... we're doing laundry. Dad, do laundry.

Fat Tony · Chief Wiggum:Soon you'll be mine. Keep talking, creep-o. Every word buys you another year in the slammer.

Bart:Viagra at five dollars a pill? Whatever it is, it's goin' in Skinner's coffee.

Skinner · Chalmers:What is in this coffee?! Mm-hmm.

Marge · Homer:He must be running away! Eh, he won't get far. Not on the crappy breakfast I made for him.

Lisa:First, I'm gonna take a bath. Then I'm gonna eat some vegetables and then I'm gonna get to bed nice and early, with no TV.

Milhouse:My mom's gonna wake up soon. She gets upset if someone's not there to tell her where she is.

Milhouse:Listen Bart, if I don't get home soon, there won't be time for my mom to give me a hug, my dad to read me a story, and both of them to sing me a song until I gently fall asleep.

Bart:Real boogeyman weather.

Bart:You've been flying south because you're migrating to... Machu Picchu, Peru!

Bart:Day is awesome! Night is scary. Day is awesome! Night is scary...

Homer:That unpleasantness in Ecuador is behind us. My coca leaf addiction is under control.

Homer:Clearly the work of Wirakocha, the trickster god.

Incan Guide:Our mothers were the most overprotective in the greater Machu Picchu metropolitan area.

Marge · Native guide:Those walls do look safe. Walls that keep out danger keep out knowledge.

Incan Guide:I didn't mean to. I'm just chatty. I sold my business a few years ago and I miss talking to people.

Native guide:I didn't mean to. I'm just chatty. I sold my business a few years ago and I miss talking to people.

Homer:but all I see is a stupid bird with a tracking chip on its leg. It doesn't add up.

Bart:Were you guys gone? I didn't even notice.