A Test Before Trying

Homer:D'oh!

Narrator:In a world, in a hemisphere, in a continent, in a country, in a state, in a city, in a neighborhood, in a street, in a house, in a living room, five heroes would be called.

Homer:Let's sit on that couch.

Kent Brockman:And in retrospect, city officials regret holding the gang truce negotiations at Santa's Village.

Kent Brockman:Apparently there are a few stairs he's struggling to climb. He's up the stairs but is now being buffeted by the breeze.

Kent Brockman:And they've put some rocks in his pocket

Mr. Burns:To decide how much your electricity bills will rise, I've assembled a team of distinguished economists and placed plausible rate hike percentages on their backs. Now we will use unfettered free market principles to arrive at a number. Release the hounds.

Mr. Burns:Notice how the Keynesians climb trees while the Austrian school economists hide under rocks. That is fascinating.

Kent Brockman · Mr. Burns:Let me guess, you're going to release the hounds again. Oh, don't be silly. Release the radioactive steam.

Krusty:I know it's a kid's show, but I got to see you topless.

Woman · Krusty:This isn't your dressing room. I know, but the monkey's got a girl in my dressing room.

Sideshow Mel · Krusty:Do I get a vote? That's just air escaping his lungs.

Marge:Oh, I guess we'll be peeling our shrimp by hand this year.

Homer:When I found out shrimp cocktails had no alcohol, I really lost interest.

Educational film:Sometimes Y: the story of a vowel that goes both ways.

Mrs. Krabappel:You said you weren't going to tell. Oh, wait, you didn't. So no one knows who the Milhouse is.

Principal Skinner · Nelson:Why did I sell one to Nelson? Hmm. Sounds better than half the kids in the band.

Gym Teacher · Chalmers:I don't teach to the test. I teach 'em to dodge balls. Things they can use in life. How is that useful? Ow.

Lunch Lady Doris · Others:Who else would hire a lunch lady accused of poisoning her husband? Never convicted. They couldn't find the body.

Lunch Lady Doris · Teacher:Anyone care for some chicken-Pete pie? Did you say 'chicken-Pete pie'? His friends called him Pete.

Homer:Dogs, cats, octopuses, octopi, octopuseseseses.

Homer:Parking meter, you're working for me now.

Homer:Mannequin heads, you're working for me now.

Superintendent Chalmers · Principal Skinner:I hate waiting; that's why I hate risotto. Even mushroom risotto? What do you think?!

Superintendent Chalmers · Principal Skinner:Not as bad as the worst school in the state. Oh, thank God. You did worse than the worst school in the state, which now makes this school the worst school in the state.

Principal Skinner · Superintendent Chalmers:Why did you say that to us in the meanest way you could? To show you that there's no way out. Except... Except what? No, I meant you should accept your terrible fate. Oh.

Teacher · Principal Skinner:This student filled in everything but the ovals. In art school he'd be a genius. This isn't an art school. We tried to have ourselves accredited as one, but no one here could, uh, draw the pirate.

Groundskeeper Willie · Sherri · Terri:Sherri, you're going to West Ogdenville. Terri, North Haverbrook. But we've never been separated. I'm not sure we can even live apart.

Groundskeeper Willie:Stop your whinging. It's not like you're losing a rake or a backhoe.

Groundskeeper Willie:Nelson, you're off to Arkham Elementary School for the Criminally Insane.

Martin:All my extra credit points are like frequent flyer miles on a bankrupt airline.

Bart:Driving you crazy instead of pulling off your legs. I've really matured.

Principal Skinner · Proctor:Let it be Martin, let it be Martin. It's Bart. I have an aunt named Hope. Perhaps you'd like to kill her as well.

Bart:When I think begging, I don't imagine someone standing up.

Comic Book Guy:Well, sure the Lord wouldn't have placed his meter there if he didn't want me to park.

Homer:This is the easiest money I've ever made. Lugging around a 90-pound parking meter.

Homer:Oh, God, my back. Suckers. Oh, my disks are grinding. Easy money.

Bart:Thanks for the freedom of speech, dorks.

Homer:Nothing a few George Washingtons won't solve.

Background Kid:I'm a kid you've never seen, and I speak for all the kids you've never seen. Do it, man, or you'll never see us again.

Bart · Principal Skinner:Well, I slept on my books, so I might have gotten something through osmosis. So, you know what osmosis is? Uh, pajamas?

Principal Skinner:Our entire school riding on that coffee can head of yours.

Principal Skinner:Don't do it, Seymour. You've never broken school rules. Ever. You wimp.

Groundskeeper Willie:Well, well, well... Looks like Mr. Vanilla just grew some chocolate chips.

Proctor:Save your analogies for the analogy portion of the exam.

Principal Skinner · Bart:Pass this test and the eggs are on me. They will be, Seymour. They will be.

Kent Brockman:But, of course, that question mark could be an exclamation point or an interrobang.

Lisa:just to spite me?

Kids:There's four of us and eight slices. We don't know how to divide it.

Mrs. Krabappel:Ha, I wish I was a hooker. No one in this town has any money.

Bart:I only know 24 letters.

Proctor:I don't shut anything down. People cut their own heads, and I just tip 'em into the basket.

Chief Wiggum · Homer:You know what they do to parking meter thieves in prison? They probably treat 'em pretty well. But when you get out, you're not eligible for jury duty. Which, again, sounds pretty good.

Chief Wiggum:Eat silver, copper.

Homer:Stay with me, man. Stay with me. No, no! You're the first successful business I've ever run.

Lisa · Bart:Now, what is the capital of Massachusetts? Uh, 'B'?

Homer · Bart:D'oh. Will you stop that?

Homer:But I was blessed to receive 103. I'm returning the extra towel, unused...

Homer:The pillows are safe at my workstation.

Bart:The least common blood type is A) B, B) A, C) AB, D) O... d'oh! Ten more seconds.

Principal Skinner:That'll do, bug, that'll do.

Proctor:Perhaps this was a test of my humanity. A test I like to think I passed.

Marge · Proctor:Would you like to have coffee or dinner, or just talk? None of the above. Testward ho!