Lisa is called to trial after her online social networking site creates dysfunction in the community; Patty and Selma compete in a rowing event.
WAR
29.2
Wins Above Replacement
“The Doh Cial Network” ranks #474 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 73.0 — Solid. The episode packs 74 scored jokes at 4.5 per minute, averaging 6.5 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Marge, if you were married to Da Vinci, you wouldn't tell him not to Da Vinch.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: And I've created something that created something incredibly popular. And I created an alcoholic hippo. You never showed it to me. A stupid alcoholic hippo. I still want to see it. There is no hippo. Then why did you say it? 'Cause you're the hippo. Are you just saying that 'cause you don't want me to see the hippo? I don't have a hippo!
Skinner: Hornets make honey? Better than wasp honey, not as good as bee.
Moe: Man, this Web site makes talking drunk to my wife so much safer. I am sitting here... zero sheets to the wind... counting the moments to closing time when I can stumble home to you. Another round, Moe.
Moe Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lenny: Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny. I'm going to buy you an all-new wardrobe, fix your teeth, send you to the best schools, and you're going to hate and resent me for it 'cause you're an American now.
Lenny Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 74 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy Callback Paul McCartney: So what are we doing here? What, is it the thing where the family runs in and sits down? That's it? We flew you in and put you up for that?
Bart · Homer: Lethal inject her on the electric chair. Bart, it's okay to say that at home but not in court. Take it back. Withdrawn.
McBain character: Well, McBain, you certainly picked a bad time to come out of retirement. I hope you have a COBRA plan.
McBain character: You are suffering from a reptile dysfunction.
Homer: Down in front. Damn it, why do kids have heads?
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer · Marge: Oh, but I'm invested in the characters. You'll miss the turnoff to the fancy new mall. I make my own turnoffs.
Homer: And that, kids, is how you stick it to the Towne Centre Real Estate Investment Trust.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational Homer: Someone thinks we're leaving. I'll wave them off. No, no, no, no, let's see how long we can keep 'em waiting. Everyone act like we're buckling up to go home.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer: Marge, if you were married to Da Vinci, you wouldn't tell him not to Da Vinch.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Other driver · Homer: Damn it, are you leaving or not?! Leaving? Why on earth would you think that?
Marge: We totally wasted his time. And ours.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Bart: This place is so great. When the trolley hits you, it doesn't even hurt.
Bart Dark/Subversive Callback Homer · Lenny: Lenny, do you live here? Yeah, I just moved in. I have a Dippin' Dots for breakfast every morning; at lunch, I get a massage in front of strangers; and then I spend the afternoon browsing cell phone skins.
Homer · Lenny: Ever get tired of those dancing waters? The day I moved in.
Lenny: Give me one doll from every time period, and set me up for a tea party in a private room.
Lenny Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Lenny: Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny. I'm going to buy you an all-new wardrobe, fix your teeth, send you to the best schools, and you're going to hate and resent me for it 'cause you're an American now.
Lenny Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Callback Salesperson · Homer: Sir, as a complexion scientist, I must advise you against using any more. This is the most powerful hydrator we sell. Less blathering, more slathering.
Nelson · Bart: Yo, Bart dude. Can I get a ride to the food court? Hop on.
Lisa · Store clerk: I kind of want to create my own thing. Do you sell any just plain sets? No. We do all the imagining for you.
Store clerk: You do and you'd better build yourself a lawyer.
Lisa: Trust me, I've left a lot out and cleaned up the swears.
Lisa Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Popular girl: Lisa, how can we put this? You're the reason no one wears Silly Bandz anymore.
Lisa: Wha...? They, they don't?
Lisa Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Callback Homer · Store clerk: I'll take it, provided you charge me for services that Google offers for free. I already have. Sweet.
Homer: This computer is so great. I'm watching the latest Sofia Coppola movie at 20x speed to make it seem like a normal movie.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: I think it just froze. Oh, no, no, that bird just moved.
Homer Setup/Punchline Observational Callback Lisa · Homer: I'd have more friends if I knew what people liked, but I won't know what people like unless I'm their friend. It's a conundrum. If you want friends, don't use words like 'conundrum.' Co-what-drum?
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Lisa: Jimbo heard me say it. I'm dead.
Lisa Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Callback Lisa: It's easier to be friends with lots of people online than one person in person.
Lisa · Comic Book Guy: How's this for a conundrum? It's not really a conundrum. Sit at my feet and I will elaborate.
Judge: Life is too dang short. With a attitude like that, I wouldn't be her friend.
Judge Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Lisa: As the CEO of SpringFace, I want you all to have fun as you write source code until you fall asleep at your consoles.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Observational Lisa: Here's my favorite computer game: Angry Nerds.
Nelson: The only way I would be your friend is if I could click a box under your picture saying 'Accept friendship request from.'
Nelson Observational Character Comedy Database: If we don't move, his odds of getting us both are 374 to one.
Jimbo: Oh, I just got invited to make out with Shauna. See? That went out to 200 guys. And seven girls.
Jimbo Setup/Punchline Observational Homer: Santa's Little Helper's friends with Snowball Two? Now I've seen everything.
Homer Absurdist Observational Barney: Ha, all my friends have birthdays this year.
Barney Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Skinner · Groundskeeper Willie: I'm less popular than the hornet's nest in the gym. You said you were getting rid of that nest. We trade the honey for chalk and yardsticks. Hornets make honey? Better than wasp honey, not as good as bee.
Skinner: Hornets make honey? Better than wasp honey, not as good as bee.
Edna · Skinner: Is this how you talk on dates? I wish my dates were this interesting.
Patty · Selma · Lisa: We've got to thank you, kiddo. We've gotten so much more action since we signed up and used this picture of ourselves. That's not you. You can see our reflection in the sunglasses.
Homer · Marge: And I've created something that created something incredibly popular. And I created an alcoholic hippo. You never showed it to me. A stupid alcoholic hippo. I still want to see it. There is no hippo. Then why did you say it? 'Cause you're the hippo. Are you just saying that 'cause you don't want me to see the hippo? I don't have a hippo!
Moe: Man, this Web site makes talking drunk to my wife so much safer. I am sitting here... zero sheets to the wind... counting the moments to closing time when I can stumble home to you. Another round, Moe.
Moe Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Moe: Uh-oh, did I type that? Delete! Delete! Hm, typing 'delete' does not delete.
Moe Physical/Slapstick Observational Callback Reverend Lovejoy: It is gratifying to see all of you bowing in prayer, the light of God shining on your faces.
Reverend Lovejoy: Uh-oh, Bernice Hibbert keeps 'liking' Bumblebee Man'sos. That's how it starts.
Reverend Lovejoy: Why did I make this church a Wi-Fi hotspot? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Let's see, which Muppet am I? Beaker? Hm, I guess that's fair.
Lisa · Maggie: Oh, I have a thousand friends, and I feel more alone than ever. Whee! I am trying to set a mood here. Whee.
Comic Book Guy: just like the 60-foot baby in my self-published novel, The 60 Ft. Baby. Order it online now, while you can still cheat the government on sales tax.
Bart · Kearney: Check this out: I'm hiding a bomb in this pile of corpses, so when Kearney loots their ammo, he gets a face full of ass shrapnel. Damn, I got ass-shrapped!
Homer: That idiot cut me off. I'm gonna run his plates, find out who he is, then change his SpringFace profile picture to a shot of a monkey. Get that, Marge? A monkey!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: Status update: Homer... is... watching... the...
Wiggum: Somebody call 911! I don't know how to use the phone on my phone.
Wiggum Irony/Sarcasm Observational Bystanders: Hey, did you guys get my picture of the fire? Yeah, I did; nice grab. I didn't get it yet. Yeah, funny how that works.
Lisa: I know it's awful and insular and caused 35 deaths, but I had friends. Four digits of friends! I had a friend in common with Malcolm Gladwell. He friends everybody.
Lisa Escalation Character Comedy Jimbo: We don't need your crummy Web site. We can make anything into guns.
Jimbo Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Nelson · Lisa · Other kids: Want to play Marco Polo with us? We just realized you don't have to play in a pool. You really want me? No. We want your Dad.
Bart's Friends: We want your Dad. Marco. Come on, Lisa. Polo! Fish out of water.
Unknown rowers: Hey, Winklevosses. You're gonna lose yet again. You should see the expression on your faces. Oh, wait, you can. They're fat, they smoke, they started training a week ago. Why can't we pull away?
Winklevoss twins: Because we can't stop concentrating on that $65 million Facebook settlement, which somehow wasn't enough for us. Even though we were rich in the first place.
Narrator: Once there was a young rascal named Bart. This lad was trouble from the very start.
Narrator: When it came to mischief, he had a black thumb.
Narrator: It didn't hurt that his daddy was dumb.
Narrator: Only to wait for Milhouse's bladder.
Narrator Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Narrator: They tried to escape with struggles and squirms. But all they got was a diet of worms.
Narrator: There they remained to this very day. So now you know, pranks do not pay.
Narrator Meta/Self-Referential Observational Top Episodes — The Simpsons
