Moe's bar rag explains that he started as a medieval tapestry a thousand years earlier; Bart tries to reconcile with Milhouse; the disappearance of Moe's bar rag makes him realize he has friends.
WAR
32.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Moe Goes From Rags To Riches” ranks #437 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.4 — Great. The episode packs 53 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Milhouse landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Boring wives: We never go out anymore. Are you even listening to me? My sister has a much bigger pit.
Milhouse · Bart: Can I punch you? Sure. Can I have someone else punch you? Sure. What've you got?
Duc de Springfield: Me healing the sick. Me killing the healthy. Me marrying my sister. A long winter where nothing happens. Me relaxing with friends. You know, the standard stuff.
Milhouse · Bart: Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- Milhousy. Really? It's not that bad, is it?
Scheherazade · Persian King: Make that two thieves! A million thieves! Too many. Forty thieves.
All Jokes — 53 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ unnamed speaker · meeting organizer: And that's why I really don't believe there's a God. Thank you, and God bless America. You were only supposed to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. I'm pretty sure it was in there somewhere.
meeting attendee · meeting organizer: Bedbugs? Just why is there a bed in City Hall? Er, uh, meeting adjourned!
Homer · Lenny · Mexican Duffman: This is so convenient! I can go straight from doing my civic duty to having a beer with my best friend Carl. And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. Ho-la!
Homer · Moe: Hey, Moe, who's your best friend? Uh... Well, uh... Well, I just made friends with Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, and, uh... um...
Homer Moe Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Bart: I think Moe's best friend is really that bar rag. That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse!
Homer Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Patron: That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse!
Patron Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Milhouse · Bart: You know something, Bart? I'm getting tired of things like that. Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. That's how friendship works. Not anymore. Friendship over.
Bart: What gives? He's not crawling back. Even a kid who wears a 'Finding Nemo' back brace has some pride.
Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Carl · Moe: Hey, Moe! I got a job here for your 'best friend,' the bar rag. Me, too! Witty.
Bar Rag: Yes, that's right, everyone laugh at the rag. But I was not always this be-stainèd swatch you see before you. Oh, no, gentles. We begin in early medieval France...
Bar Rag Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Marguerite: That's not your estomacs! It's some men speaking French!
Child · Marguerite's husband: Papa? He is no help at all. Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders! Stupid Flanders.
Duc de Springfield: Me healing the sick. Me killing the healthy. Me marrying my sister. A long winter where nothing happens. Me relaxing with friends. You know, the standard stuff.
Duc de Springfield: I could walk six paces that way... or I could kill them all right now!
Duc de Springfield · Priest: I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. Absolved!
Patron · Child · Marguerite: Right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible. Maman, we have failed to grow. We've had too little food! Is it too little food or too much complaining?
Child · Marguerite: Perhaps to the South of France. We're in the South of France!
Duc de Springfield: What an age for prosthetics we live in.
Duc de Springfield: It's not what I expected. And yet... it's beautiful! But it's also not what I expected. Burn down their house!
French peasant: Hey, let's show some French courage and beat up the corpse!
Ralph: Oh! We're submitting that to France's Funniest Cave Paintings.
Viking: Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong.
Viking Physical/Slapstick Deadpan/Understatement Viking: Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong.
Viking Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Monk 1 · Monk 2: You just broke your vow of silence. It wasn't a vow. I just didn't want to talk to you.
Viking: This Viking stuff is too dangerous. I'm going to become a gentleman art thief.
Viking Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Milhouse: Well, I was doing fine. Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles and I was out.
Milhouse Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Milhouse · Bart: Bart, I'm not your puppet. I know, I made you into a real boy last week. And I'll always be grateful.
Bart · Milhouse: I know, I made you into a real boy last week. And I'll always be grateful.
Persian merchant · Trader: You have taken our gold and jewels and given us this faded cloth?! That's right. And if anyone asked who swindled you, it was Christians. Remember that name: Christians.
Persian King: Eh. Throw her in the pit of boring wives.
Boring wives: We never go out anymore. Are you even listening to me? My sister has a much bigger pit.
Advisor · Persian King: Dude, you've already discarded, like, 500 wives. I think it's weird that you're counting.
Persian King: Okay, just a couple thoughts on your direction so far.
Scheherazade · Persian King: Make that two thieves! A million thieves! Too many. Forty thieves.
Freed wife: Uh, it was cooler in the pit.
Scheherazade: For once, couldn't you just take a few minutes to let the previous story sink in?
Executioner · Condemned man: Only cowards use blindfolds. I didn't know you were doing that!
Executioner · Lord: How's your neck, Your Lordship? No splinters or nuffin'? I fear the axe less than that filthy rag.
Michelangelo: Hey, you want a quickie? You go to Raphael, baby.
Michelangelo: Now would you like to protect your investment with a clear coat?
Moe: No way I would abandon you, Raggie. You're my best friend.
Moe Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Milhouse · Bart: Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- Milhousy. Really? It's not that bad, is it?
Milhouse · Bart · Lisa: Not bad. Did Lisa write that? Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed.
Milhouse: The glasses are off!
Milhouse Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mother · Family member: Rag soup! Needs flavor.
Sherpa · Homer: Come on, man. A few more balloons and this'll look really awesome. D'oh! Worst... climbing... Everest.
Sherpa Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Callback Milhouse · Bart: Can I punch you? Sure. Can I have someone else punch you? Sure. What've you got?
Milhouse · Bart: Can I punch you? Sure. Can I have someone else punch you? Sure. What've you got? Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way?
Milhouse: I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize.
Milhouse Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Chief Wiggum: I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside.
Underwear · Bar Rag: Men's extra large underwear? I'm saving my strength. He's going bike riding today.
Marge · Homer: Your bar is the closest thing this town has to an Algonquin roundtable. What about that Round Table Pizza run by that Algonquin guy? Yeah, yeah, okay, second closest.
Bar Rag: Well, all marriages have their ups and downs.
Bar Rag Deadpan/Understatement Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons
