Milhouse stays with the Simpsons when his parents remarry each other and honeymoon on a cruise ship. But when his parents are knocked overboard and lost at sea, Milhouse decides to grow up and be a man.
WAR
56.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Little Orphan Millie” ranks #146 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.6 — Elite. The episode packs 98 scored jokes at 6.2 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Milhouse landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Milhouse: One day, you'll be more haunted by those words than I am.
Homer: And we'll move your bedtime to an hour later, so you'll have more time to be alone with your thoughts.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Cap'n Crunch ... Seven Seas Italian dressing ... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Reverend Lovejoy: And do you, Luann, take Kirk-- despite the fact that he is fundamentally the same man that you said in court was unfit to load your dishwasher? Whose very touch repulsed you?
Homer: I don't notice the color of people's eyes. I just judge them on the color of their skin.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 98 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: There is no such thing as an iPoddy.
Homer Observational Wordplay/Pun Visual: Modern couch gag 10 couch gags to spice up your marriage
Visual Visual Gag Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Marge · Maggie: There's a bee on Maggie. Okay, Maggie, just calmly and carefully back away.
Maggie: Beehive! Blueberries!
Maggie Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: I told you not to mock me at picnics.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: Is it that you're brother and sister? Because you really look a lot alike.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: Half-brother and half-sister? ... Siamese twins who've been surgically separated?
Milhouse: Finally you guys will stop using me as a pawn in your fights. ... I made it up. Like kids do.
Milhouse Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: There are so many choices. Bolo? Clip-on? Piano keys? Ten Commandments of Beer?
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: The cornerstones of the Brewish faith.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Marge · Homer: You don't know what color my eyes are?! ... Is 'beautiful' a color? No.
Homer: I don't notice the color of people's eyes. I just judge them on the color of their skin.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Visual sign: Please do not kick sea turtles
Marge: She's wearing white? She must have rolled the odometer back to zero.
Marge: So you're good at noticing dress colors, but not the eyes that make your dinner.
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Reverend Lovejoy: We are gathered here in the sight of God and this unsafe-for-swimming beach
Reverend Lovejoy: to celebrate the holy un-divorcing of Kirk and Luann.
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Reverend Lovejoy: And do you, Luann, take Kirk-- despite the fact that he is fundamentally the same man that you said in court was unfit to load your dishwasher? Whose very touch repulsed you?
Kirk: Uh, you're reading an early draft of our vows. Just say 'I do.'
Kirk Reaction Beat Character Comedy Reverend Lovejoy: You may now kiss the bride. But make it quick. The seagulls have gotten into the hors d'oeuvres.
Luigi: My friends, do not eat. Is made with seagull meat.
Luigi Character Comedy Absurdist Kirk: If you don't like Mrs. Simpsons' cooking, you have your 'mommy meals.'
Kirk Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Marge: Why does every kid who stays with us bring 'mommy meals'? So I put pineapple in my potato salad. Live a little, huh?
Homer: That's why, to this day, you never see a shark with monkey arms.
Milhouse: Great story, Mr. Simpson. But why do all your bedroom stories have commercials in them for The Container Store?
Homer: Because if I do it enough, maybe they'll start to pay me. Sleep tight. The Container Store, no wait five convenient locations.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Callback Milhouse: Ah... now that my mom and dad are back together, I'm happy every day. I can't wait to wake up so tomorrow can start.
Milhouse Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Visual: Countdown to wake-up time
Visual Visual Gag Character Comedy Kirk: We're gonna start this marriage off right. This time, I'm gonna carry you over the threshold.
Kirk Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Kirk: Dear God! I need more nickels!
Kirk Physical/Slapstick Absurdist Kirk: Luann, is that you nibbling on my knee?
Kirk Cringe/Discomfort Misdirection Bart: Check it out, an animal hole. Where does it go? Only one way to find out.
Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Bart: Ah...! Tarantulas! I'll save you, Baby Burps-A-Lot.
Bart Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Bart: Ah...! Spider burps!
Milhouse: This week is the best. I don't care if my parent sever come back.
Milhouse Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Coast Guard · Milhouse: Milhouse Van Houten? Yes? Son, your parents have been lost at sea.
Milhouse: Oh my God! I said I didn't care if they ever came back! This is my fault!
Milhouse: Drown, monster, drown!
Bart · Milhouse: Hey, who died? My parents, probably. So you guys aren't ice cream men?
Coast Guard: We'll try, but have you ever been to the sea? It's huge. And we have to search all of them-- 'cause they all, you know, connect.
Homer: And we'll move your bedtime to an hour later, so you'll have more time to be alone with your thoughts.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Hey, hey, come on. Why don't you cheer up with a glass of Ocean Spray?
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Cap'n Crunch ... Seven Seas Italian dressing ... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Milhouse · Homer: Stop naming things! I want to, but I can't!
Marge · Homer: Then go to Moe's! Good idea. I'll drown my sorrows in Anchor Steam Beer. Oh! I'm sorry...
Milhouse · Marge: Like I'm going to a funeral? No! Don't talk like that! There's always hope.
Coast Guard: We just wanted to let you know, we've stopped searching.
Bart: Just push A, B, up, up, left trigger, right trigger, and both triggers at once.
Bart Observational Character Comedy Milhouse: Isn't there already enough pain in this world?
Milhouse: Oh, my God. I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a ba-ba.
Milhouse: They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!
Milhouse Character Comedy Escalation Callback Milhouse: I can't be a baby anymore. I'm alone now. I have to be a man!
Homer: Oh, Marge, darling, what's the combination to our wedding album? Our anniversary!
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Bart: It's Milhouse! That's not the Milhouse I know.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Jimbo: Hey, loser, your mom called.
Jimbo Cringe/Discomfort Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Milhouse: One day, you'll be more haunted by those words than I am.
Jimbo · Milhouse: Why aren't you crying? I wish I could cry. Tears would cleanse my soul.
Milhouse: Go ahead, beat me up. Maybe then I'll feel something.
Milhouse Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jimbo: Eh, what's the point?
Jimbo Reaction Beat Character Comedy Milhouse: I always wanted you to hold my hand, Lisa. And now that you are, I'm too numb to feel anything.
Milhouse: It's like you're wearing oven mitts and I'm in my winter parka.
Lisa Reaction Beat Meta/Self-Referential Bart: Hey, I'm happy to see Milhouse get some hand-on-hand action. But no one is cooler than Bartholomew J. Simpson.
Bart: Anyone want to sit over here? You can have my pizza crust.
Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Nelson: Please, Bart, you're embarrassing yourself.
Nelson Reaction Beat Character Comedy Bart: Come on! Look at me, I'm cool. I've got my backpack on frontwards, and I'm krumping!
Bart Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Visual text: Check it out! This image has not been speed up.
Milhouse: There's a time for krumping, and this isn't it.
Marge: I'll krump with you, sweetie pie.
Marge Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Callback Bart: Milhouse has gone from being a comic figure to a tragic one. If he could go back to being happy, I could go back to being cool.
Bart Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Boy, stop talking to yourself. Your thoughts should stay in your head.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: Every Christmas... Milhouse gets Danish butter cookies from... Solvang, California... where he has a beloved un... cle!
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Operator: Butter cookie 8-2147, Hans Christian Anderson 5-5166, and Aquavit 3-2599.
Bart: Okay, so which one of these losers is Milhouse's Uncle Norbert? Norbert? Norbert? Oh, this guy's a total Norbert.
Bart Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Character: Norbert? I wish. My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.
Zack: Well, I'm one of the Danish Van Houtens, not the Dutch Van Houtens.
Gaylord: And I'm here to find my nephew Nerdletaub Z. Pantybottom.
Gaylord · Bart: Let us join forces. Would you be my uncle? No, but have a butter cookie.
Milhouse: Well, I don't need you. I've learned to take care of myself.
Uncle Zack: You've become quite a young man-- self-reliant, mature. You've shed your Dutch ways and become a true Dane.
Zack: You've shed your Dutch ways and become a true Dane.
Zack Character Comedy Callback Bart: Oh, man, now he's even more popular. He's troubled, but I can save him.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Homer: Uh... brown? No. Orange? No. Elm? Rake? Guessing?
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Callback Barney: Well, well, look who's strolling down Alzheimer Avenue.
Barney Character Comedy Observational Homer: A blue bouffant / From here to there / Snow white teeth and lips so red / She's the Wilma to my Fred
Homer: Let's see, what rhymes with appraisal? Basil, nasal. None of these are colors.
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: Hazel! Your eyes are hazel.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Callback Homer: Hazel like the pussy willows by the pond where we first kissed, like the almond paste in the bear claw I ate after we first made love.
Zack · Milhouse: Oh, did you remember to cut off the gas flow? The what?
Lisa: You're worried you're losing Milhouse, and love is a selfish thing.
Lisa Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Oh, yeah? Well, when you're mean, I'm a trampoline, so everything you said goes back and hits your ugly head.
Bart: Oh, I love him so much!
Mr. Johnson: Hey, in the real world, rope-climbing skills are vital.
Mr. Johnson · Bart: Well, what do you think of Mr. Johnson's rope-climbing class now? Still sucks!
Milhouse · Bart · Zack: Milhouse! Mom and Dad! Mr. and Mrs. Van Houten! Damned Dutchmen!
Kirk · Zack · Luann: Not so fast, son. We are trapped on this island. No worries. I've already radioed for a rescue boat sailed by brave Danish sailors. More like swishy Danish sailors.
Zack: You're going down, Dutchman. You grapple like a girl!
Zack Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Callback Top Episodes — The Simpsons
