Treehouse Of Horror Xviii

Narrator:Hello. Remember Halloween? It was last week. But here at the Simpson house, we're still celebrating.

Narrator:Excuse me. Now, our first gory story is... Oh, for crying out loud!

Narrator:No fair. Can't anyone just watch the show they're watching?

Homer:Mmm. Developed by.

Marge:Crème brulée! Or, in English: Burnt cream!

Marge · Homer:Bart, go out to the shed and get some more butane! ...butane this.

Bart:What's that unearthly glow? The only sensible thing to do is explore it on my own.

Bart · Kodos:Is that your space name? No, you hit me in my 700 testicles.

Kodos:My friends and I came in peace to find your vulnerabilities and, um, shore them up with more peace. Yes.

Bart · Kodos:Is that a ray gun? No, it's a... deodorant applicator.

Bart:Smells like a summer breeze.

Bart:Jim Halterman bobblehead doll. He's a local car dealer.

Kodos:do all humans have such weak necks or just the one you call 'Jim Halterman'?

Kodos:I only hope those scientists leave me my mouth, so I may spread my message of peace through song. Peace... Peace, peace, peace From space.

Kodos · Homer:seven billion body bags... Can I hammer that? No. Can I weld that? No! Can I tighten the... I said no!

Homer:I'm helping! I'm helping!

Lisa:They were in yesterday's New York Times.

Kodos · Other Aliens:We will cook them, we will eat them 'Cause that's the way to treat them...

Homer:Now, how about the neck of my butt?

Homer:Someone's taking the highway to the danger zone.

Homer:Why am I getting words in edgewise?

Kodos:It's because I'm Jewish.

Homer:I got a plan to save your space doggy.

Homer:Oh, I'm not decent. Let me throw something on.

Homer · Government Agent:Can I help you, gentlemen? Uh, we know it's you, Mr. Simpson.

Homer:Ha! You missed 'em. Bart and our alien friend are hundreds of miles away by now.

Kodos:More of me to love.

Government Agent:The South shall rise again.

Kodos:Well done, Columbo. That's right. We watch Columbo. It's on during rain-outs of gleep-glop games.

Kodos:Foolish biped. It's not a phone. It's a space portal. Our shock troops will teleport in and eat everyone's heads

Bart:They're gonna let us kill one!

Homer · Lisa:I guess you should judge a book by its cover. Definitely, especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover. It usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.

Kodos · Homer:Actually, I'm still alive, so technically, it's vivisection. No one likes a know-it-all.

Marge:The problem is you don't share my interest in not being with you.

Marge:Why does he always bring up my weight?

Homer · Marge:I'm going to, uh... Midnight Monkey Madness at the zoo. Well, I won't be home, either. I'm, um... flipping over wheelbarrows in case it rains.

Homer · Marge:Have fun at your crazy-sounding thing. And you have fun at your preposterous event.

Marge:Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. Oh, that's a perfect one. But I don't need to say it out loud 'cause I'm by myself.

Marge:Out of my way, mystery skank!

Homer:Marge is a professional assassin!

Marge:You just can't get Russian gangster blood out. Must be something they eat.

Marge · Homer:A blender cozy. How was your Midnight Monkey Madness?

Homer:I turned over so many wheelbarrows... Wait. That was your thing.

Marge · Homer:It's poison! Whatever you do, don't eat it. Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it. Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for... Seconds, please.

Marge · Homer:Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it. Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for... Seconds, please.

Boss · Homer:You moron! Just kill her! I'll kill her after dessert!

Homer · Marge:How could you not tell me you were an assassin? How could you not tell me? I told you 20 times! You never listen!

Homer:Well, they're not as pretty as you, Marge.

Homer:I just get to keep whatever's in the guy's wallet.

Homer:I was out getting drunk, then killing people!

Marge · Homer:That's my favorite couch! Why do you think I'm kicking it?

Marge · Homer:Stop it! That's my favorite couch! Why do you think I'm kicking it?

Bart · Lisa:Are you guys fighting over us? Whatever we did, we're sorry.

Marge:Great! Now they're going to have tummy aches tomorrow. And where will 'Super Dad' be then? At your funeral.

Marge · Homer:Oh, that was so hot! I love watching you do other guys! Mmm, I'd like to see you do a guy sometime.

Police Officer · Homer:I would have taken a bribe. Oh, that was so hot! I love watching you do other guys!

Marge:killing people together has really spiced things up in the bedroom.

Principal Skinner:Think of me on Pizza Fridays.

Agnes Skinner:I got your candy right here.

Bart:'Trick or Treat' isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like The Lord's Prayer. It's an oral contract!

Nelson:Can't talk. Lighting poo.

Bart:! taem ttub-gip ekilsllems daeh ruoY

Ned Flanders:I've got something that will scare the H-E-double sippy straws out of them.

Bart · Lisa · Homer:I fed your fish. You overfed them! You're the worst one of all!

Bart · Nelson:Sin gets us something? Awesome! I was just in it for the sin.

Ned Flanders · Bart:Welcome to Heck House! You're about to discover what a life of sin will get you! Sin gets us something? Awesome! I was just in it for the sin.

Nelson:He died as he lived--like a dork.

Ned · Devil · Milhouse:May I have a clean American newspaper, please, no 'Doonesbury'? Wouldn't you rather have a bikini magazine? I guess a little peek won't hurt me. No! He died as he lived--like a dork.

Ned Flanders:Please, Lord, grant me the power to psychologically torture them into loving you.

Homer:Oh, why did I take pride in my child's accomplishments?

Homer:I thought I was killed by that magic spaghetti!

Unknown character:Oh, how I envy the crotchless.

Homer:Oh, how I envy the crotchless.

Apu · Comic Book Guy:I keep telling you: I'm Hindu! I regret... nothing.

Narrator:I just want to say that for watching this network, you're all going to hell! And that includes FX, Fox Sports, and our newest Devil's portal, The Wall Street Journal.