New Kids On The Blecch

Homer:D'oh! [Screams] [Alarm Wailing]

Announcer:Jesse Owens humiliates Adolph Hitler by outracing his zeppelin

Announcer:Bob Beamon shatters world long jump record by jumping so far he causes vehicle crashes

Homer:[Gasps] Thirty-eight! That's roughly my age.

Marge:Oh, please. You get exhausted watching The Twilight Zone marathon.

Homer · Marge:[Laughs] I'm a regular Billy Crystal. - You got that right.

Homer:I'll do your job for a day, and you do mine. Then we'll see who has it tougher.

Announcer:commemorating the time Jebediah Springfield ran across six states to avoid his creditors

Homer:Anti-chafing nipple tape, check, check, and check. [Squishing Sound]

Race Official:now get outta here before I change my mind

Homer:[Gasps] I hit the wall! This is so painful.

Homer:Hey, I got my second wind! [Gasps] Another wall! I just- Whoo-hoo! Third wind.

Mr. Burns · Rickshaw Driver:Faster, rickshaw driver! Faster! - Ow! - Sir, the whip isn't helping. - Silence! You call yourself Chinese?

Comic Book Guy:No one can outrun The Flash! [Gasps] Curses! One of my super foes has set a trap for me.

Lisa:That's not Grampa. Dad's just dehydrated.

Kent Brockman:But only one will win the grand prize: A walking tour of Springfield.

Kent Brockman:He's running on sheer pluck, moxie and grit. All of which he'll be tested for after the race.

Bart:Hey, I 'winna' the race! Viva Italia! - I love-a you all. I use up all of my English.

Runner:I got a better idea. Let's have a fun run... on his trachea.

Bart:Mob, stranger. Mob, stranger. Stranger!

L.T. Smash · Homer:Well, thank you for letting me chill in your crib. - And thank you for assuming we're hip.

Homer:Marge, it's not the singing that brings in the Sacagaweas.

Bart · Homer · Marge:My dream is to be a rock star! - And my dream is to get rid of Bart. - But- How many lives must you ruin?

Milhouse · Bart · Ralph:What up, 'G' Money? - Who's next? Ralph Wiggum? - Whee! I'm a pop sensation.

Bart:Wait. These are just guys from school. Who's next? Ralph Wiggum?

L.T. Smash:You call that a flirt? I'm not melting!

Lisa · Ralph:Isn't this song a little boastful? - No one told me there was gonna be boasting.

Kids · L.T. Smash:[Off-key] # Party Posse # - Ew! - Thank you, NASA.

Bart · Skinner:Now here's a song that your Principal Skinner doesn't want us to play. - That's not true. This assembly was my idea.

Skinner · Bart:I like your brand of inoffensive pop rock. - Screw you, man! We're gonna play it anyway.

Unknown · Skinner:Orange drink? What? Do you live with your mama? - She lives with me.

Groundskeeper Willie · Principal Skinner:Orange drink? What? Do you live with your mama? / She lives with me.

Bart:I'm wearing a bathrobe and I'm not even sick.

Bart · N'Sync member:Really? You saw our B.F. N? - I can't believe I'm meeting Milhouse. Word!

Milhouse · N'Sync member:Crowd Taser? - Yeah. It's perfect for getting through the fans to your limousine.

N'Sync:Dudes, we gotta go. Our clothes are getting a little out-of-date. - To the Bandana Republic!

Homer:It doesn't mean anything. It's like 'rama lama ding dong' or 'give peace a chance.'

Marge:None of those girls has had three kids, I can tell you that.

Lisa · Otto:Otto, what are you doing? - I don't know. I just got an urge to join the navy.

Student · Otto:Otto, what are you doing? / I don't know. I just got an urge to join the navy.

Lisa · Otto:You're being brainwashed! - Yeah, probably. 'Yvan eht nioj.'

L.T. Smash · Lisa:Subliminal messages? Do you have any idea how insane that sounds? - Is that a navy tattoo? - A navy tattoo? Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?

L.T. Smash:Yeah, that's right. Lieutenant L.T. Smash.

L.T. Smash:[Moans] How could you soil the good name of Star Blitzzz Promotions?

L.T. Smash:Going back to Elvis. Then there was Sgt. Pepper's, the Captain & Tennille, and the Kiss army.

L.T. Smash · Lisa · Barney · Moe:It's a three-pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal, and super liminal. - Super liminal? - I'll show you. Hey, you! Join the navy! - Uh, yeah, all right. - I'm in.

Homer · Lisa:Are you sure someone hasn't been bitten by the jealousy bug? [Chuckles] Here comes the jealousy bug! Gonna get ya! Gonna get ya! - Hey! Stop! Cut it out. You're a grown man.

Navy Officer:Good afternoon, and welcome to the U.S.S. Sea Spanker!

Bart:Ow! Hot, hot, hot!

L.T. Smash · Crowd:Groovy, dude. - Burn down the barbershops! - I hate America!

Admiral · L.T. Smash:The hippie fantasy again? / They're getting less frequent, sir.

Admiral:You won't say it's crazy when you see next week's issue of Mad magazine.

Admiral:When this satirical bombshell hits the stands tomorrow, your band will have as much recruiting power as a wax apple.

Homer · Bart:So, what songs did I miss? - Dad, L.T.'s gone crazy!

Lisa:Not Mad! That's our nation's largest mental illness-themed humor magazine!

Mad Magazine Writer:Why don't we call it 'Everybody Hates Raymond?'

Lisa:We can't let L.T. Blow up Mad! Tina Brown was just starting to turn it around.

N'Sync:We heard what you said. - Yeah! Heard it old school.

Ralph · Nelson:I can't read. - I can't sing without dancing.

N'Sync member · Nelson · Ralph:Nobody pouts going into a jiggy. - Yeah. That's stupid. - I want to twirl!

Bart · Nelson:Aw, man. We could've been on the cover of Mad. - They called me 'Smelson!' Ha-ha!

Bart:Smelson. It's funny 'cause you smell.

Homer · Bart · Lisa:You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight at the expense of the U.S. Navy. But they're out there every day protecting us from Godzilla. - And don't forget pirates. - And jellyfish.

N'Sync member:Those whack invertebrates will sting you, old school!

Homer:D'oh! I can't believe I'm meeting Milhouse.