When Homer helps a woman give birth in an elevator, he forms an emotional attachment to the baby; cheerleaders for the local professional football team recruit Lisa.
WAR
23.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Labor Pains” ranks #540 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 68.9 — Mixed. The episode packs 53 scored jokes at 2.9 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.0 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer's conscience: This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis.
Homer: For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, inspected in August 2009, a baby.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch Peanut vendor: Don't call me 'Dad.' If people think peanut vendors have families, it's too sad.
Coach · Lisa: You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady? / Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug.
Lisa: How? By size, brand, value? And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. I just see little people I own.
Lisa Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 53 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Lisa · British character: Did you know some historians think American football is based on an ancient Aztec game? / It's not American football, it's just football.
Bart: Mom, Lisa's ruining football. American football.
Bart Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: Money doesn't grow on trees. It grows on threes.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Poker player: I should not have anted with my blood.
Homer: Hey, you gotta pay to find out.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Poker player: Who's president now, Alexander Hamilton?
Homer: Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer · Gretchen: This reminds me of that scene in Alien. / The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end.
Homer: You like lies? Here's a few: College is expensive but it's worth it.
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Homer: Your baby doesn't have any legs. Oh, wait, there's more.
Homer: It's a dude. And he's uncut. Very Euro.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, inspected in August 2009, a baby.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch Homer · Other passenger: That guy didn't even look over once. / Lobby please.
Unknown · Milhouse: You can hear the players swear from up here. / I'll kick your ass, Milhouse.
Peanut vendor: Don't call me 'Dad.' If people think peanut vendors have families, it's too sad.
Lisa: I'm kind of pessimistic about the team's chances. They're gonna get creamed.
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Milhouse · Nelson · Nelson: I'm dating a cheerleader. / No, you're not. / Burned again, Milhouse.
Cheerleading coach: Now here's your 50 bucks each which should just about cover your parking.
Cheerleader: After you wear that, you need to be hosed down for bedbugs.
Homer: So now there's two things named after me-- a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Gretchen · Homer: The novels of Charlotte Bronte. / Um, I thought we were playing cards.
Gretchen: No, you can't leave. I'm dealin' you in.
Homer: Kids blow up so fast.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer's conscience: This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis.
Marge · Homer: First few weeks of what? / Um, November.
Coach · Lisa: You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady? / Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug.
Lisa: We're gonna push 'em back, push 'em back, push 'em way, way back. All the way to a new contract. 'Cause union power is a fact.
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa: How? By size, brand, value? And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. I just see little people I own.
Lisa Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch cheerleaders: Not right, not fair. Let's say it with our hair.
Coach: My vest isn't the only thing that's ripped.
Moe: I'm just teaching myself massage here with online videos and a store mannequin.
Moe Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer · Homer: Tell me what a cow says. / Aah! My other baby mama.
Gretchen: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife. But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good.
Gretchen · Marge: I haven't had a drink for a week. / That is pretty good.
Elevator passenger: And the really funny thing is I'm a doctor.
Marge: I thought that was strange poop on your collar.
Marge Observational Cringe/Discomfort Homer: Even though the mortgage is due on the first, you can usually wait till the 17th.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: You always said charity begins at home. But not which home.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: It's the toes that get you, Marge. It's the toes.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Cheerleaders · Grampa: You're the greatest generation, worthy of our veneration. Go Grampa! / If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match?
Coach: I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo-- surrender.
Coach Observational Dark/Subversive Bart · Homer: You can't even kiss me good night without slicing me with your stubble. / Why you little... I'll give you a good-night kiss you'll never forget.
Homer: I have a soul and you guys don't.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: If they get her in their warrens, we'll never see her again.
Homer: The sky is blue, but nobody really knows why. Don't believe what they tell you.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: One day I'll be that guy who comes to your wedding, makes you feel a little weird, and then runs away.
Homer Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Chase · Gretchen: You didn't tell me you were pregnant. / I didn't want you to marry me because I was pregnant. I wanted you to marry me because I was nagging you.
Gretchen: I wanted you to marry me because I was nagging you.
Chase · Homer: Dude, he's my kid. He likes what I like. / But n-n-n-nurture.
Homer · Chase: Really? Then this is much creepier than I thought. / Much.
Homer: If you could talk, I know you'd have a few choice words for me.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: There were cheerleaders in our house and nobody told me?
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Top Episodes — The Simpsons
