The results from their aptitude tests cause Bart and Lisa to make 180-degree turns in their behavior.
Career-crisis premise generates 61 jokes in 22 minutes—densest Season 3 output by volume alone.
Directed by Jeffrey Lynch · Written by George Meyer
WAR
47.6
Wins Above Replacement
“Separate Vocations” ranks #240 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.1 — Elite. The episode packs 61 scored jokes at 3.9 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Lisa landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bart: when you do... I'll be right there to borrow money.
Bart Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Lisa: I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Blues musician: You've inherited a finger condition... known as stubbiness. It usually comes... from the father's side.
Principal Skinner: Does anyone know... the multiplication table? Please, don't panic. They can smell fear.
Bart · Principal Skinner: 400 days. I can do that standing on my head. All right, 500 days. Ooh! Big man! 600 days.
All Jokes — 61 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Teacher: I promised you a surprise today... We're going to take a test
Teacher: Career Aptitude Normalizing Test-- Or 'CAN'T.'
Teacher: In spite of your masters from Bryn Mawr... you might end up a baby-sitter to dead-eyed fourth graders...
Teacher Dark/Subversive Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Teacher: while your husband runs naked on a beach... with your marriage counselor!
Teacher: If I could be any animal, I would be: A) a carpenter ant... B) a nurse shark... or, C) a lawyer bird
Teacher: I prefer the smell of: A) gasoline... B) french fries... or, C) bank customers
Teacher: Since we have 15 minutes until recess... please put down your pencils... and stare at the front of the room
Teacher Deadpan/Understatement Absurdist Lisa Reaction Beat Absurdist Martin · Other students: Systems analyst, systems analyst, systems analyst. Systems analyst.
Lisa · Teacher: Homemaker? It's like a mommy.
Teacher · Bart: Before I saw these test results, I had you pegged a drifter.
Bart: Wow. A drifter. Lousy sheriff. Run me out of town. He's lost my vote.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Lisa: I might as well be dead.
Lisa Character Comedy Escalation Homer: The police said I was too dumb.
Lisa: I'll be unappreciated in my own country... but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer: Isn't anybody gonna follow in my footsteps?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Blues musician: Oh, Lord, no.
Blues musician: You've inherited a finger condition... known as stubbiness. It usually comes... from the father's side.
Homer: D'oh! Stupid fingers.
Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Lisa: My God, they are stubby.
Lisa Reaction Beat Character Comedy Snake: I didn't steal that copper wire. I just thought they were throwing it out.
Snake Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lou · Bart: It's called a baton, son. What's it for? We club people... with it.
Lou Bart Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Eddie: You run red lights, park wherever you please... hot-and-cold-running chicks.
Eddie Character Comedy Escalation Lou: Tonight his honor is... polling the electorate.
Lou Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm Mayor Quimby: How would you like a street named after you?
Lisa: Dear log... this will be my last entry... for you were a journal of my hopes and dreams... and now, I have none.
Lisa Character Comedy Absurdist Snake: They used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth my skin-- almost sensuous.
Snake Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Lou: Good thing this alley got so narrow in the middle.
Lou Visual Gag Deadpan/Understatement Lou · Chief Wiggum: He's unconscious, sir. Oh, they can still hear things.
Marge · Lisa: This morning I turned bacon, eggs, and toast... into a smiley face for Bart and Homer... What's the point? They'll never notice.
Homer · Bart: Hmm, umm, hmm...
Bart: take a look at these surveillance photos.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Janey: You know what I want to be? The girl on the oatmeal box?
Janey Character Comedy Absurdist Nelson: Women can't be astronauts... They distract the men... so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.
Nelson Character Comedy Absurdist Marge: we'll all live... in cities on the moon... I was wrong about that
Principal Skinner: Sleek, vigilant puma-- principal of the mountains.
Janey: That's a bad-girl bathroom!
Janey Character Comedy Observational Principal Skinner: you really have to wonder at the mentality... that would desecrate a helpless puma.
Principal Skinner: Bart Simpson on the side of law and order?! Has the world gone topsy-turvy?
Principal Skinner: Let's can the euphemisms. How would you like to be a hall monitor?
Bart Character Comedy Reaction Beat Bart: You got yourself a narc.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Homer: Oh, we always have one good kid and one lousy kid.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa Character Comedy Escalation Lisa Character Comedy Callback Lisa: I'll smoke it in class.
Lisa Character Comedy Escalation Bart: Madre de Dios.! The legends were true!
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Principal Skinner: and this plastic derriere.
Bart: Notice the identical elongated loops on the D's. Forgery!
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Bart: So he didn't have leprosy.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Principal Skinner: There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glasscock.
Miss Hoover: the Battle of New Orleans. I mean... Andrew Jackson.
Lisa: Well, you're earning your 18 grand a year.
Lisa Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Principal Skinner: Does anyone know... the multiplication table? Please, don't panic. They can smell fear.
Substitute teacher: Have I ever told you kids about the '60s?
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've just saved this school $120.
Bart · Principal Skinner: 400 days. I can do that standing on my head. All right, 500 days. Ooh! Big man! 600 days.
Bart: when you do... I'll be right there to borrow money.
Bart Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons