Separate Vocations

D'oh!

I promised you a surprise today... We're going to take a test

Career Aptitude Normalizing Test-- Or 'CAN'T.'

In spite of your masters from Bryn Mawr... you might end up a baby-sitter to dead-eyed fourth graders...

while your husband runs naked on a beach... with your marriage counselor!

If I could be any animal, I would be: A) a carpenter ant... B) a nurse shark... or, C) a lawyer bird

I prefer the smell of: A) gasoline... B) french fries... or, C) bank customers

Since we have 15 minutes until recess... please put down your pencils... and stare at the front of the room

Salmon gutter?!

Systems analyst, systems analyst, systems analyst. Systems analyst.

Homemaker? It's like a mommy.

Before I saw these test results, I had you pegged a drifter.

Wow. A drifter. Lousy sheriff. Run me out of town. He's lost my vote.

I might as well be dead.

The police said I was too dumb.

I'll be unappreciated in my own country... but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French.

I may or may not die young. I haven't decided.

Isn't anybody gonna follow in my footsteps?

Oh, Lord, no.

You've inherited a finger condition... known as stubbiness. It usually comes... from the father's side.

D'oh! Stupid fingers.

My God, they are stubby.

I didn't steal that copper wire. I just thought they were throwing it out.

It's called a baton, son. What's it for? We club people... with it.

You run red lights, park wherever you please... hot-and-cold-running chicks.

Tonight his honor is... polling the electorate.

How would you like a street named after you?

Dear log... this will be my last entry... for you were a journal of my hopes and dreams... and now, I have none.

They used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth my skin-- almost sensuous.

Good thing this alley got so narrow in the middle.

He's unconscious, sir. Oh, they can still hear things.

This morning I turned bacon, eggs, and toast... into a smiley face for Bart and Homer... What's the point? They'll never notice.

Hmm, umm, hmm...

take a look at these surveillance photos.

You know what I want to be? The girl on the oatmeal box?

Women can't be astronauts... They distract the men... so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.

we'll all live... in cities on the moon... I was wrong about that

Sleek, vigilant puma-- principal of the mountains.

That's a bad-girl bathroom!

you really have to wonder at the mentality... that would desecrate a helpless puma.

Bart Simpson on the side of law and order?! Has the world gone topsy-turvy?

Let's can the euphemisms. How would you like to be a hall monitor?

Ay, caramba.!

You got yourself a narc.

Oh, we always have one good kid and one lousy kid.

Shove it.

What do you got?

I'll smoke it in class.

Madre de Dios.! The legends were true!

and this plastic derriere.

Notice the identical elongated loops on the D's. Forgery!

So he didn't have leprosy.

There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glasscock.

the Battle of New Orleans. I mean... Andrew Jackson.

Well, you're earning your 18 grand a year.

Does anyone know... the multiplication table? Please, don't panic. They can smell fear.

Have I ever told you kids about the '60s?

Baa!

Simpson, you've just saved this school $120.

400 days. I can do that standing on my head. All right, 500 days. Ooh! Big man! 600 days.

when you do... I'll be right there to borrow money.