Santa's Little Helper notices resentment after the Simpsons make sacrifices to fund his life-saving operation.
Santa's Little Helper's illness anchors 49 jokes at moderate density, balancing heartfelt stakes with absurdist comedy.
Directed by Jim Reardon · Written by John Swartzwelder
WAR
32.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Dog Of Death” ranks #410 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.1 — Great. The episode packs 49 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Marge · Homer: Oh, well, we lost the money... but we've still got each other. Hey, the dog's dead.
Unknown character · Bart: He's got all the money in the world... but there's one thing he can't buy. What's that? A dinosaur.
Homer: One of the Lassies is in there too. The mean one-- the one that mauled Timmy.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer · Bart: If you were 17, we'd be rich. But no, you had to be ten.
Homer · Marge: Marge, I've figured out... an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats. I don't think you've thought this through.
All Jokes — 49 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Unknown workers: I don't need your crummy job. I won the lottery! Well, I won the lottery too! We both won the lottery! Why don't you win the lottery too?
TV announcer: Where everybody wins! Actual odds of winning: one in 380 million. The lottery-- exploiter of the poor and ignorant.
Apu: Here's your lottery ticket. Thank you for knocking over my inventory. Come again.
Apu Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer · Bart: What's Lisa's birthday? What? You don't know your sister's birthday?
Unknown characters: Strap on your bulletproof vest. It's time for another bank run. If I don't make it... promise you won't sleep with my wife. I promise nothing.
Homer · Marge: The lottery is the one ray of hope... in my otherwise unbearable life! Uh, the lottery and you.
Homer: Yes, money-- I mean honey.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Kent Brockman: In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson's The Lottery has been checked out from the library. The book does not contain hints on winning the lottery. It is a chilling tale of conformity gone mad.
School official: Just think what we can buy with that money-- history books that know how the Korean War came out... and a state-of-the-art detention hall... where children are held in place with magnets.
Unknown character: Magnets-- always with the magnets.
Marge · Homer: Homer, the odds are 380 million to one. Correction: 380 million to 50!
Bart · Lisa · Homer: Bank it. Give it to the poor. What do kids know about spending money?
Homer · Lenny: Look closer, Lenny. Oh, you're the biggest man in the world now... and you're covered in gold. 14-karat gold.
Homer: I've got so many tickets I can't lose. The first number is 17. D'oh!
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Callback Homer · Bart: If you were 17, we'd be rich. But no, you had to be ten.
Kent Brockman: The winner of today's state lottery is... me, Kent Brockman. Can we get a shot of me? There you go. In other news, uh... a tragic mix-up today in Cleveland. Many people killed. Uh... good-bye!
Marge · Homer: Oh, well, we lost the money... but we've still got each other. Hey, the dog's dead.
Marge · Homer: He's not dead. Don't say the dog's dead when he's not. It's not fair to toy with people's emotions. He is dead. I'll get a shovel.
Homer: If Grandpa says he's dead, he must be alive.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Grandpa: Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.
Grandpa Dark/Subversive Observational Dr. Hibbert: I love animals. I spend my life saving them, and they can't thank me. The parrots can, but--
Homer: In doggie heaven, there's mountains of bones... and you can't turn around... without sniffing another dog's butt.
Homer Observational Absurdist Homer: One of the Lassies is in there too. The mean one-- the one that mauled Timmy.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart · Homer: Lousy, dog-killing son-of-a-- Well, it will be okay. We'll get him a new dog-- one with an untwistable stomach.
Mr. Burns · Smithers: Dogs are idiots. If I came into your house... and started sniffing at your crotch... and slobbering all over your face... what would you say? If you did it, sir? Exactly. You'd be fit to be tied.
Marge · Homer: You are not performing that operation yourself. But, Marge, it looks so easy. Just like carving a turkey.
Marge: Fried chicken night will be organ meat night. Ham night will be spam night, and pork chop night... will be chub night. I don't even know what that is.
Marge Escalation Observational Lisa: But next week is volume four-- Copernicus through elephantiasis.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Homer · Marge: Marge, I've figured out... an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats. I don't think you've thought this through.
Dr. Hibbert · Patient: We saved your gamecock... but he'll never fight again. That's what you think. He'll fight and he'll win.
Dr. Hibbert: It's times like this... I'm glad I flunked out of dental school.
Bart · Marge · Homer: Lousy chub night. Hey, how come... he gets meat and we don't? You wouldn't want what he's eating. It's mostly snouts and entrails. Mmm... snouts.
Unknown character · Bart: He's got all the money in the world... but there's one thing he can't buy. What's that? A dinosaur.
Kent Brockman · Skinner · Veteran: Here, lottery officials present Springfield Elementary... with a brand-new eraser. One eraser? I'm used to my government betraying me. I served for--
Homer: Oh, no! Those are my numbers. If it wasn't for that dog, I would have won.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Patron · Moe: Who's that old rummy? Before his dog got sick... that old rummy used to be my best customer.
Homer: I know you can't understand me... but you're a lousy dog and I hate you.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: I know you can't understand me... but you're a lousy dog and I hate you.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: Oh, you mean tonight. The dog will get out.
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Lisa: Wait! There he is! No, that's a horse.
Lisa Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Mr. Burns: I can't wait to start pawing through my garbage... like some starving raccoon.
Smithers · Mr. Burns: He's been here since the late '60s. I'll never forget the day he bagged his first hippie. That young man didn't think it was too groovy.
Mr. Burns: Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.
Attack dog trainer: If that was a Girl Scout... I'd have been bothered by now.
Marge · Homer: Remember? Doggie heaven? Oh, Marge! There is no such place. Or... to put it another way... there is.
Marge Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Kent Brockman: Since I won the lottery... everybody wants a piece of Kent Brockman-- homeless this and hungry that.
Assistant · Kent Brockman: Sir, your llama just bit Ted Kennedy. Good!
Marge · Homer: You can pet the cat. The cat? What's the point?
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