Marge fears a cheatin' heart when a waitress-country singer asks Homer to be her manager.
Observational comedy anchors a 59-joke episode that leans hard on Homer's mid-life crisis.
Directed by Mark Kirkland · Written by Matt Groening
WAR
30.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Colonel Homer” ranks #504 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 71.4 — Solid. The episode packs 59 scored jokes at 3.2 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Marge: Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie. You did it at the county fair last year, remember?
Marge Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer · Record Executive: I have to tell you... I'm desperate to unload Lurleen and I'll take any offer. / I'll give you 50 bucks. / You son of a-- Sold.
Marge: while you and Lurleen were out judging that greased pig contest... Maggie got her first tooth.
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Marge: Is there any room in that bed for a dad-burned fool? / Always has been.
Homer Marge Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 59 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: Marge, that's just a suggested car size.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: We're getting a lot of sparks here, Dad. / Uh-huh. Easy. Easy. Perfect. All right, everybody, out the window.
Bart Homer Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Lisa: Ernest Cuts the Cheese! Honey, I Hit a School Bus! Look Who's Oinking!
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Observational Homer: Why, Marge, you frisky little devil. [Sexy Growl]
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Movie President: Get me Jed Colic!
Homer: Oh, this movie's too complicated. / Hey, the floor's sticky.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Who's that guy? What did that guy say when I said, 'Who's that guy?'
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Look, you can see the strings. Ooh! An octopus!
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Homer: If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer · Theater Patron · Crowd: It's pretty obvious if you think about it. / Shut up, Homer! No one wants to hear what you think! / Yeah!
Marge: Homer, if it makes you feel any better... most of what they threw at you splattered on me.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Lisa: His tendons are throbbing. Stress is collecting in the trouble spots-- here, here, and here-- making for one unhappy pappy.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Homer: Marge, I have always carried myself... with a certain quiet dignity. Tonight, you robbed me of it.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Marge: I guess that executive stress ball we got him isn't working.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Observational Homer Visual Gag Reaction Beat Homer: Ooh, a redneck bar.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Bar Patron 1 · Bar Patron 2: Hey, you, let's fight. / Them's fightin' words.
Bartender · Homer: We don't sell Duff. We sell Fudd. / Okay, Fudd me.
Lurleen: It's a song I wrote while I was mopping up your dried blood and teeth.
Lurleen Dark/Subversive Observational Homer: That's right, except for the truck.
Homer Character Comedy Reaction Beat Homer: Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before. And which way to the can?
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy Homer · Lurleen: That's a pretty name. / You think so? / Maybe. I'm not sure. I forgot it.
Homer: Let's end this feudin' and a-fussin' and get down to some lovin'.
Homer Character Comedy Observational TV Doctor: Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gall bladder. Put it back! Put it back!
Moe · Barney: Gee, Homer's singing to his ball again. / He's bowling a 280.
Moe: Fudd? They took that off the market after all those hillbillies went blind.
Moe Dark/Subversive Callback Callback Moe · Homer: Wait a minute. You went to another bar? / Moe, I was 100 miles out of town. / Oh, Homer.
Lurleen: 'I'm Basting a Turkey With My Tears'... 'Don't Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It'... 'I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth.'
Lurleen Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: We've got to crack open your head and scoop out those songs.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Radio DJ: This is KUDD 570 AM. Don't touch that dial. You've got KUDD on it.
Bar Patron · Same Patron: I thought I told you to stay away from my sister! / Oh, here's 50 bucks. Take her to the Copa.
Rioter · Another Rioter: It's payback time. / Puts this whole riot into perspective, doesn't it?
Homer: I could feel her country soul in every digitally encoded bit.
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy Bart: Country music sucks. It takes precious air space from shock deejays... whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.
Bart Observational Character Comedy Homer: like that jerk in the cowboy hat and that dead lady.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer... watching her try on some outfits.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer: I was gonna ask for some water, but now I feel guilty about it.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Lurleen · Homer: You're just a big sack of sugar. / Thanks. You did say 'sugar,' right?
Homer · Lurleen: I should warn you, I'm not great with figures. / That's okay. / I make stupid decisions. / Nobody's perfect. / I did bad in school. / I didn't even go.
Store Clerk: This is made from a space-age fabric... developed especially for Elvis. Sweat actually cleans this suit.
Marge: Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie. You did it at the county fair last year, remember?
Marge Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Studio owner: Buddy Holly stood here in 1958 and said, 'There is no way in hell I'll record in this dump.'
Studio Manager: Buddy Holly stood here in 1958 and said... 'There is no way in hell I'll record in this dump.'
Lurleen · Producer: I thought you said she was overweight. / It takes two to lie-- one to lie and one to listen.
Producer's Son · Producer: Hey, Dad, can I do a hambone solo? / Stop it.
Sound Engineer · Producer: We're getting a grinding noise on the track. / You, off the bench.
Homer: Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
Homer Reaction Beat Character Comedy Homer: Oh, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Marge: while you and Lurleen were out judging that greased pig contest... Maggie got her first tooth.
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: That's great, honey. Have you seen my rattlesnake hatband?
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Marge: As much as I hate that man right now... you got to love that suit.
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Bart: My whole romantic life is flashing before my eyes. / Gross!
Lurleen · Homer: Just so I don't wonder--you would have gone all the way with me? / Uh-huh. / Ooh. Okay.
Homer · Record Executive: I have to tell you... I'm desperate to unload Lurleen and I'll take any offer. / I'll give you 50 bucks. / You son of a-- Sold.
Bar Patron · Homer: I caught my wife in bed... with my best friend. / You bitter? / Yep. Bit him too.
Homer · Marge: Is there any room in that bed for a dad-burned fool? / Always has been.
Homer Marge Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Marge Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons