Burns hires Major League ringers for the plant softball championship.
Baseball guest stars drive 60 jokes in 22 minutes—peak early Simpsons density.
Directed by Jim Reardon · Written by John Swartzwelder
WAR
52.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Homer At The Bat” ranks #188 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.4 — Elite. The episode packs 60 scored jokes at 3.0 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?
Smithers Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Lisa · Marge: No, Mom. It counts as a hit. Dad just won the game.
Lisa Marge Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Don Mattingly: I still like him better than Steinbrenner.
Bart: Gotcha-- Can't win, don't try.
Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Burns · Don Mattingly: Mattingly, get rid of those sideburns. What sideburns? You heard me, hippie.
All Jokes — 60 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Don't tell me how to eat doughnuts.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Coworker: That's for the hiccups.
Coworkers: Last year we were 2 and 28. It wasn't our best season. Actually, it was.
Homer · Bart: What's that? A homemade bat? It's something very special-- a homemade bat.
Homer: Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal... I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find.
Homer Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: I put my homemade football on hold
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Marge: Homie, come to bed. Homer, go back to the garage.
Marge Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Homer: We play 30 games, 10 at bats a game-- 3,000.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Umpire: You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. Chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. And the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Player: Hey, we know how to play softball.
Marge: And there he goes off in that direction. And everyone is happy.
Marge Character Comedy Observational Coworkers: Yeah, I got a magic bat too. And I got an enchanted jockstrap.
Barney: Ha-ha! Cops can't win!
Barney Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Coworkers: I got my magic bat off a piano. My sister let me use her wooden leg.
Coworkers: I got my magic bat off a piano. - My sister let me use her wooden leg.
Mr. Burns: The Gladiators from my power plant will crush your team like nine flabby grapes.
Mr. Burns Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Competitor · Mr. Burns: Why don't we make it interesting? What, a million dollars isn't interesting?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?
Smithers Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns · Smithers: Honus Wagner, Cap Anson... Mordecai Brown-- Uh, sir... I'm afraid all those players have retired... and, uh, passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.
Mr. Burns: the American League, the National League... the Negro leagues.
Jose Canseco: It's a pay cut, but what the hey.
Smithers · Baseball Player: Hey, sorry. I thought you were a deer.
Mike Scioscia: It's okay... but sometimes I wish I had something more blue collar... with big machines and cool dials and stuff... like an oil refinery... or hydroelectric plant.
Mr. Burns: One more outburst, and I'll send you back to the big leagues.
Mr. Burns Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Darryl Strawberry: Well, I've never met you, but... yes.
Homer · Bart: Now that you're older, I can tell you that's a crock. No matter how good you are... there's always a million people better. Gotcha-- Can't win, don't try.
Homer Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart: Gotcha-- Can't win, don't try.
Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Ken Griffey Jr.: It's like there's a party in my mouth... and everyone's invited.
Don Mattingly: That's impossible. No one can give more than 100%. By definition, that is the most anyone can give.
Burns · Darryl Strawberry: There's no 'I' in 'team.' Some of these guys have a bad attitude, Skip. They sure do, Strawberry.
Burns · Don Mattingly: Mattingly, get rid of those sideburns. What sideburns? You heard me, hippie.
Roger Clemens · Homer: You sure did. I did? Whoo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry.
Mr. Burns: unless, of course, my nine all-stars... fall victim to nine separate misfortunes... and are unable to play tomorrow. But that will never happen.
Police Officers · Steve Sax: Well, well. Steve Sax from New York City. I heard some guy got killed in New York... and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that... now, would you, Steve?
Steve Sax · Police Officer: But there's hundreds of unsolved murders... in New York City. You don't know when to keep your mouth shut... do you, Saxy boy?
Mike Scioscia: Can't... lift... arm... or... speak... at... normal... rate.
Dr. Hibbert · Mike Scioscia: No. By tomorrow... you'll barely be able to breathe. Oh... man.
Dr. Hibbert: Good Lord! Gigantism!
Dr. Hibbert: Good Lord! Gigantism!
Woman · Jose Canseco: My player piano! - Oh, man.
Wade Boggs · Barney: England's greatest prime minister... was Lord Palmerston! Pitt, the Elder!
Police Officer: You watch too many movies, Sax.
Ozzie Smith: Wow! One, please.
Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Burns · Mattingly: For the last time, get rid of those sideburns. I don't know what you think sideburns are, but-- Don't argue with me! Just get rid of them!
Mr. Burns: That damn hypnotist! My starting pitcher thinks he's a chicken.
Mr. Burns: I'm going to report this... to the American Hypnotical Association.
Mr. Burns: Mattingly! I told you to trim those sideburns. Go home! You're off the team! For good!
Mr. Burns Escalation Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Don Mattingly: I still like him better than Steinbrenner.
Lisa · Marge: Mom, they're professional athletes. They're used to this. It rolls right off their backs.
Marge: Children, tell me... when your father stops scratching himself.
Marge Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer: Mmm... potato chips.
Homer Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Lisa · Marge: No, Mom. It counts as a hit. Dad just won the game.
Lisa Marge Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Song narrator: Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile
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