Bart To The Future

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Homer:Let's see. Judging from the bug buildup, we're gettin' close.

Park Ranger:The bugs are firmly in charge. They've taken the Visitors Center! They-They ate the comment book!

Park Ranger:Hey! Hey! My class ring!

Homer:Hey! An Indian casino! God bless Native America!

Homer:Well, what better place to celebrate your recovery than amidst the frenzied excitement of the casino floor?

Homer:Although they seem strange to us, we must respect the ways of the Indian.

Casino Greeter:Hi, how are ya? Hi, how are ya? Hi, how are ya? Hi, how are ya?

Ventriloquist · Casino Manager:The Great Gabbo demands a free night in the presidential suite while performing. We'll give you a free pass to the pasta bar. The Great Gabbo accepts your terms.

Bart:Gabbo! You've become a real boy! All right! Time for some underage gambling. So long, sucker!

Casino Chief:Your linen service has broken many promises to us. Laundry bill soar like eagle. Jerk.

Bart:I wasn't gonna gamble. I just wanted a Bloody Mary.

Casino Chief:Your father just took out a second mortgage downstairs. You're listed as collateral.

Casino Chief · Bart:That's Crazy Talk. No, it's true. No, I know. That's my brother. Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.

Future Bart:Oh, way to make a guitar, Sears.

Ralph:I'm sick of having to dry myself with a newspaper!

Future Bart:You mean the spider bite at Disneyland? Or the incident with the over salted fries.

Nelson:But I can only pay you in popcorn shrimp. Smell ya later!

Future Bart · Ralph:I can't believe 'Smell ya later' replaced 'Good-bye.' Smell ya later! Smell ya later.

Future Bart · Ralph:Should we take the hover bus or the non-hover bus? Non-hover.

Future Homer · Future Marge:Bleh! This virtual fudge tastes like crap. Mmm. Not half as good as cyber-fudge.

Future Homer · Future Marge:Oh, what a bleak, horrible future we live in! Don't you mean 'present'? Right, right. Present.

Future Bart · Future Homer:Isn't that made of people? Oh, here we go.

Future Homer · Future Bart:She's president of the United States! President 'elect.' I could've been president, but I'm too real.

Future Bart:People can't deal with what I'm laying down. They're just, like, 'Whoa, dude. You can't say that.' And I'm, like, 'Watch me.'

Future Homer:You should've thought of that before you dropped out of the DeVry Institute.

Future Bart · Future Homer:What happened to you, man? You used to be cool. I'm still cool! Nah. You've changed, man. Well, I do have this robotic prostate. But you can't see it. Oh, you can.

Future Bart:Jesus, is that you?

Future Flanders:Oh, it was great at first. But, you know, at the 10-year mark, your eyes fall out.

Future Flanders:But only because you haven't outed Rod and Todd.

Future Bart:Now we'd like to play a Jimmy Buffett song but he uncooly charges people to cover them. So here's a Captain Bart original. 'Wasted once more in Daiquiritaville'

Future Ralph:We need more power! The shield won't hold much longer!

Future Bart:Oh, no. I've got half a beer in there, and Bewitched is on.

Future Bart:Damn! I was so close! I had 327!

Future Bart:So I'm the president's no-good brother. Moochie-moochie.

Future Lisa:Yes, I am proud to be America's first straight female president.

Future Lisa:As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump.

Secretary Van Houten:The Balanced Breakfast Program just created a generation of ultra-strong super criminals. And Midnight Basketball taught them to function without sleep.

Milhouse:And Midnight Basketball taught them to function without sleep.

Future Bart:I knew you'd need some help keeping it real so I figured I could be like your co-president.

Future Bart · Future Marge:Mom, Lisa won't share! Be nice to your brother, Lisa.

Future Homer:Aw, just like her mommy, Maggie Senior.

Future Lisa · Future Homer:Dad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't hide any gold in the White House. Then what is his ghost protecting?

Future Ralph:I fell out two times.

Future Bart:Yeah. But they said I wouldn't get my first check for two weeks. Meanwhile, they're making major interest on my salary.

Future Homer · Future Lisa:I started what from a what? Your plan makes no sense.

Future Homer:Gold bars discovered by Marge? Zero! Gold bars discovered by Homer? Well, let's just see.

Secretary Van Houten · Future Lisa:We could call it 'a temporary refund adjustment.' I love it. Really? What else do you love, Lisa? Fiscal solvency.

Future Bart:I want you to play my demo tape in the background while you're yakkin' about whatever.

Crowd:Refund? Hey, sounds good to me. Sure beats a tax. We love you, President Simpson!

Future Lisa · Future Bart (singing):but it is only through arduousity that- If you like refund adjustments and the music I play

Crowd:Tax hike! Hold the phone, Mabel! I never trusted her. Don't blame me, I voted for Chastity Bono!

Future Lisa · Secretary Van Houten:We don't own the shores of Tripoli. Shh! By the time they find out, we'll have taken our cyanide pills.

Secret Service Agent:Come on. Every president gets three secret murders. If you don't use them by the end of the term, phht! They're gone.

Future Bart:Of what? The United States of Dorksylvania? Don't leave me hanging, Greenspan!

Future Lisa:They couldn't keep pants on Kissinger.

Future Ralph:What's the difference between Pakistan and a pancake? I don't know any pancakes that were nuked by India! What? Too soon?

Billy Carter's Ghost:Damn straight. And I'm here to tell ya you've been sent on a wild goose chase. When my brother Jimmy was making peace in the Middle East, he sent me to Belly Flop Academy.

Billy Carter's Ghost · Casino Chief:There's an embarrassment of riches at the Caesar's Pow-Wow Indian Casino! Yeah, Crazy Talk came up with that. He got idea from Dances with Focus Groups.

Future Homer:My gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American. It's in our mighty rivers, our majestic- Aw, crap! That lying, rail-splitting, theater-going freak!

Future Bart · Foreign Creditors:Guys, the thing is, we totally have the money, and we tried to wire it to you. But you know how banks screw up. We tried to call you all day Saturday. We were there Saturday. Dude, I know, I left a message with some guy named Hans.

Bart · German representative:I left a message with some guy named Hans. / Hans? / He might've been a temp. Very surly.

Future Bart · Chinese Representative:What happened to you, China? You used to be cool. Hey, China is still cool. You pay later! Later!

Future Bart · Future Lisa:Legalize it. Legalize what? Oh! Oh. Consider it done.

Young Bart:Hey, this is expired!

Lisa:Dad pushed a waitress, and Mom lost $20,000.

Lisa · Bart:What about me? Eh, some government job.

Bart:Moochie-moochie!