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Lisa · Bart · Homer:Too wonderful. You're right; this is it. They're selling us to be crash test dummies! Oh, please let it be volvo.

Doctor/Nurse:it's shot day! welcome to hell... man avenue medical plaza.

Doctor · Bart:children, you should be grateful you live in a country where childhood diseases have been practically... Karate!

Doctor:That hobo skeleton is not a toy!

Bart:Only babies and ex-junkies are afraid of needles. Stick me, chuckles!

Doctor:Don't forget maggie! I got her when your heads were turned. Got her good!

Bart:No, thanks. I already helped myself.

Bart:see you later, inoculator!

Doctor · Darlene:he can run, but nobody escapes the needle. Darlene, cancel all my appointments. But I need that kidney now.

Bart:black-on-black violence must end. That was for dr. King.

Bart:Don't feel bad, doc. I won't even let my mom clip my toenails.

Moe · Dr. Hibbert:Okay, well, I really enjoyed being you, dr. Hibbert. Oh, by the way, you're not welcome in the library no more.

Dr. Hibbert:I'm afraid the inoculation has swollen his ear holes shut.

Dr. Hibbert:If it doesn't, call me in the bahamas.

Dr. Hibbert:That was a malpractice waiver, fool!

Bullies:Give your wallet, kid! We're gonna identity theft your ass!

Bullies:he's just standing his ground! He knows that deep down, all bullies are cowards! We're undone!

Willie:Willie's been deaf since the boiler explosion of '88. But I taught myself to read lips.

Willie:What'd you say about me mother?! For your information, her feet stink 'cause she works in manure all day!

Willie:But it's still the best darn starbucks in glasgow!

Homer · Lisa:Bart, pass the ketchup. Bart, pass the ketchup! Dad, he's deaf. Oh, sorry, right. Bart, pass the corn. Bart, pass the corn!

Homer:Now I've heard everything. Unlike you!

Marge:everybody, remember that for when his hearing comes back.

Announcer:I'm sure that 'mule' enjoy it.

Announcer:man, tough crowd.

Bart:hey, donkey, want a carrot? Psyche!

Ned Flanders:good lord! Bart's mooning the flag! Don't look, buttermilk.

Cletus:how dare he?! That's the flag my grandpappy rebelled against!

Biker/Redneck:When you insult the flag, you insult my flag tattoo!

Principal Skinner:Your child's behavior appalls me, not just as a principal, but as a veteran of america's only losing war. To date.

Principal Skinner:Oh, sure, marge-- just like 'blind bart,' 'wheelchair bart,' 'pregnant bart,' and my personal favorite, 'railroad-spike- through-head bart.'

Homer:kids love trains.

Nelson:Cram it, iraqi! Why'd you dis the flag? It partied on the moon!

Bullies:Weren't we afraid of him just a few days ago? We're complex!

Kent Brockman:I want you to overhype this story so much, it makes the new york post look like the new york times. Or the new york times look like the new york post. I forget which one the good one is.

Apu:I did not come to this country illegally to see it mocked.

Reporter:There's the boy who bared his bottom to old glory. And the family that applauds his every moonery.

Reporter:They hate our country, but they love our soapy water!

Chuck E. Cheese employee · Homer:Hey, benedict arnold, our cups don't want your colorful balls. No one calls me unpatriotic.

Homer:Hey, how ya doing, homer? Oh, not too bad. How about you? Oh, I'm fine. Your wife was great in bed last night. You keep your hands off my wife! Oh, yeah? Well, I give her what she needs.

Moe · Customer:This bar's only for real americans. And people on permanent visas, like me. What? What are you all looking at? I'm dutch.

Barney:I'm gonna go listen to the president's weekly radio address. And not the rebuttal! Good-bye, homer. I can't get drunk and vomit next to a guy I don't respect.

Homer:Son, I've learned one thing in this life: To stay out of trouble, just say nothing. Don't rock the boat. Don't even get in the boat. Just buy some ice cream and walk around the pier. But don't go in the bathrooms, they're filthy.

Homer · Bart:Talk about boats! Then when he asks you if you hate this country, you just start crying and pretend you don't. But I don't hate this country. There, there, save your lies for the american public.

Nash Castor:Bart simpson, what do you hate most about this country? Is it the freedom?

Nash Castor:all right, so if I hear you correctly, you're saying america is better than jesus. Do you agree?

Marge:If by 'us', you mean loudmouthed talk show hosts-- which everyone seems to be in this country-- then yes, I do hate americans!

Nash Castor:There you have it-- springfield hates america. Now, coming up after this commercial, I will be talking even louder. Don't miss it!

President/Official:I declare today, december 25, 'we hate springfield day.'

Official:Look what happened to Hitler City, North Carolina. If they hadn't changed their name to Charlotte, they'd be sunk.

Real Estate Agent · Luigi:$17.76?! I can't afford to sell a westside home for that! But what a fantastical year for pizza by the slice!

Driver:Come on, kid, go! You got the red!

Apu:Oh I don't think so. It is a heartfelt expression of my true desire to protect my mahogany noggin.

Apu:Poonam and uma are fighting! No, no. Those are their pre-witch hunt names. Their new names are freedom, lincoln, condoleeza, coke, pepsi, manifest destiny, apple pie and superman. And together, we're the macgillicuddys.

Lisa · Congregation:I'd like to say something about the current climate of repression and fear. Oh, put a fork in it! Sit down, saddam!

Lisa:'Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.' That's from the first amendment to the constitution.

Government Agent:Simpsons, you're under arrest for the violation of the government knows best act.

Elmo:Elmo go to wrong fund-raiser.

Bill Clinton:I called the republican tax cuts unwise. And I stand by it. They're unwise!

Prisoner · Guard:I'm here because I said imported wines are better than napa valley. Yeah? Well, why don't you take a nap-a?

Prisoner · Homer:my only crime was driving a truck full of explosives in from canada. I don't know why they put the real ones in with the joke ones.

U.S. Constitution · Bill of Rights:I wish I could say the same for my crazy cousin, bill o' rights. What did I do? What did I do?

Homer:I don't know whether it's the lack of sleep, the sodium pentathol, or that it's the only cartoon I've seen in two months, but this is what I believe in now.

Prisoner:I'm the last registered democrat. Tax and spend! Tax and spend!

Prisoner:I don't want to be in any stupid talent show. Not without my tennessee walking horses.

Homer:now, people have accused this family of not loving our country, but you can't spell 'U.S.A.' Without us... eh?

Simpsons:americans are brave and loyal so come on, jerks, give us your oil

Lisa · Homer:dad, why are you still singing that stupid song? Because if they catch us, we may have to do it again. And this time, I want it tight.

Homer:What genius put a prison on the middle of an island?

Guards:Hold your fire. That walrus will eat them. - No, that's the dad. But he's eating a seal.

Homer:Swim toward san francisco! I'm not made of money! We'll swim to oakland.

Lisa:I don't want to end up like elmo, hanging himself in prison.

French Captain:Come to France and we shall mock the country that saved us twice from the germans. Eh, you wait till you see her up close, then you tell me.

Marge:The united states has its grandeur and its follies, but, mostly, it's the place where all our stuff is.

Immigration Officer · Homer:Name? - Simpson. From now on,you're the simps! Mm, that'll save time.