The Way We Werent

Bart · Milhouse · Martin:Because I'm 'it.' Now whoever finishes first gets lemonade. BOTH: Yay! For me.

Girl · Milhouse · Martin:You guys need your cootie shots. (BOTH CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Well, I hate this job, but I love the health plan.

Girl · Bart:We'll find some other way to entertain our boy-crazy cousin who thinks you're cute. Oh, I wouldn't mind pushing that in the mud.

Bart:I hope you like the taste of ringworm medicine.

Homer:You never had a chance to become my urine.

Marge:I got the idea from a now discredited book on raising children.

Marge:Homer, I'll bet when you were 10, you were stealing beers, kissing girls, and tipping dinosaurs.

Homer:It was years ago when I was 10, back in the '60s or '50s. Or maybe it was the early '70s.

Homer · Abe:Underprivileged? You pretended we were poor just to get me into camp? Uh, yeah, pretended.

Homer · Carl:Wow, a Negro. We prefer the term 'black.' So cool.

Lenny · Moe:Moe's not really a counselor. His parents dropped him off here, like, two years ago and they never came back for him. I sleep under upside-down canoes.

Camp Director:We got no water, no heat. We catch our own breakfast. Twelve kids died at our camp. We need the money to pay lawyers.

Camp Director:Oh, here's one! It's called 'Stay out of my way.' Idiot.

Homer:A girl with teeth! Me like.

Homer:That's 'cause I've eaten 16 pieces of pie.

Homer:Oh, a switchblade! I see the switch, but where's the blade? D'oh! Found it.

Moe:Patches, scars, stumps. Everything but zits.

Moe:I guess it's row versus wade. And it's my right to choose!

Sea Captain:Only PG. Nothing R. Yarrr.

Homer:Until I met your mother, who made that girl look like a Godzilla made of garbage!

Marge:And if I'd known it was you, I never would have married you.

Bart:Whee! Recess! Whee!

Homer · Bart:That's still one more than you. I've kissed three girls. (SOBBING) I'm so lame!

Etiquette Teacher:You make Jackie O look like a splay-legged milk-horse.

Etiquette Teacher:I'd be proud if you grew up to be my husband's mistress.

Etiquette Teacher:I used to walk like this all the time until my tendons snapped. They heard it in Shelbyville.

Homer:I'm Elvis! Elvis Jagger. Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.

Girls' Camp Instructor:One day as a straight-haired brunette. I feel so bad for you.

Marge · Bart:That's what Leslie Uggams does! BART: Leslie who? MARGE: Uggams!

Lisa · Sea Captain:We've heard the same story two times now. Whose side are we gonna hear next? The Sea Captain's?

Marge:I like Bobby Goldsboro, Gilbert O'Sullivan, Terry Jacks, Parliament, but not Funkadelic.

Young Marge:Is he making chicken noises?

Homer:It felt like a cluster bomb wiping out a graveyard full of zombies.

Homer:It was as satisfying as a million Hallmark cards with all the right sized envelopes.

Bart · Lisa:Face it, Lise. Men are dogs. The worse we treat you, the more you want us. That's not what dogs do. (LAUGHING) You said 'dog doo!'

Homer · Marge:But every time you smash a nerd with it, think of me. I will.

Young Homer:But every time you smash a nerd with it, think of me.

Fat Camp Counselor:Because the only way out is up a gentle slope.

Fat Camp Counselor:Your boy bosoms tell a different tale.

Homer:Hey, he didn't say nothing about this poison oak! Sweet, sweet poison.

Fat Camp Director:Yeah, you've got a date with a skinless chicken breast.

Moe:Hey, don't you try and prank me with a fake name! I will out your intestines and use them to make a lanyard!

Girl Campers:We know everything about boys except what they look like below the waist. I have some theories based on a G.I. Joe I bought.

Camp Girl · Another Girl:We know everything about boys except what they look like below the waist. I have some theories based on a G.I. Joe I bought.

Camp Girl:Because that's what I've been telling everybody. You're also pregnant.

Fat Camp Staff:We've got an emergency here. We need 10 cc's pronto. And by cc's, I mean cupcakes. MAN: I know what you mean, Bill. I've worked here longer than you.

Sea Captain:I can't believe I went five minutes without one of these dream sticks.

Bart:If they fight in front of us, we might get new bikes.

Homer:There was the gun I hid from you. The time I sued the church. Ruining Lisa's wedding in the future. Remember that?

Homer:Someday I'll write you back, Osama.

Homer:I kept it right next to my IBM stocking.

Marge:As a reminder of the hurtful things men can do.