Simple Simpson

TV Announcer:On FOX, the home of promiscuous idiots.

TV Host:Get ready, skanks. Here comes the truth train!

TV Host:This isn't an island at all. It's a peninsula.

TV Host:Well, you don't need a boat cause you can walk!

Homer:When you sign a contract with FOX, you know you're going to be betrayed and humiliated.

Homer:If we don't watch these, it's like we're stealing tv.

Farmer Billy:The five-story pig shredder, blessed by three popes.

Farmer Billy:If you don't like bacon, well, then the hell with you.

Homer:The only thing that can make bacon more delicious is seeing how it's made!

Apu:Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns.

Homer:But I'm no super-genius. Or are I?

Homer:Hey, I know that country!

Country Singer:if you don't buy my record... then Al-Qaeda wins!

Homer:Clearly had a snout job.

Homer:Too '80s.

Bart:How is someone so lame related to a hot tamale like me?

Bart:Dribble glass, rubber knife, whoopee salad...

Lisa:The setting features tuning forks, champagne flutes and of course, chopsticks.

Lisa:Ella Fitz Jell-O

Judge:Lordy, girl, your entry stinks like the south end of a north-bound mule!

Judge:Your place-setting thinks it's better than it is, like a yard dog that sneaks into the house!

Judge:Well, you did put it on a table.

Judge:Wobble, wobble, wobble!

Judge:This table's about as solid as your underlying concept.

Homer:I didn't know I could fit in a bubble. I must be losin' weight.

Homer as Pie Man:We all know pi-r-squared. But today, pie are justice.

Homer as Pie Man:Wherever people are mistreated, the pie man will strike!

Homer:Gee, I thought I had a bigger package than that.

Homer:Maybe you're right, Lisa. Maybe you're pie. Pie-be you're pie.

Comic Book Customer:It's 'fantastic floor'! My family can't put in floors we rent!

Homer as Pie Man:Don't do the crime if you can't do the key lime.

Nichelle Nichols:There is no way I'm going to be dating a man with pie on his face.

Bart · Milhouse:What about fistface? ... I demand you reveal the identity of fistface! It's you!

Moe:Oh, I think you'd find his filling extremely hot.

Homer:Flanders!? He's not man enough to trim my crust. I mean pie man's crust. I'm not pie man.

News Anchor:Pie-- popular pastry, tricky math thing, and now sword of righteousness.

Pie Man:This is for your show's slight decline in quality over the years.

Homer:Oh, those poor innocent pies.

Plastic Surgeon:Search me. Come back when you want a giant rack.

Chief Wiggum:No one ever wants to hear about the importance of pants clips, do they?

Homer:Homer Simpson away. I mean, the pie man.

Lou · Chief Wiggum:That's positive, calling me a jerk? You are a jerk.

Marge:I'm looking up your nose, but I feel like I'm staring into your soul.

Marge:That was so exciting, yet familiar. Like coke with lemon.

Homer as Pie Man:I... murdered your father.

Lisa:We've been getting his mail for weeks.

Lisa:Dad, this is the basement.

Pie Man/Homer · Lisa:Welcome to my secret lair. Dad, this is the basement.

Lisa:You're not mild-mannered. You're often liquored-up and rude.

Homer:I was in so deep, I forgot pies were food.

Pies:Aw, we wish you could eat us, too.

Homer as Pie Man:I've run out of pie-related puns.

Homer:It's not a rubber band; it's a scrunchie!

Homer:No, not community service! I can't stand helping others! I just can't!

Homer:like every monster, he just wants to be loved.

Burns:Grow a spine on your own time, blimpo.

Burns:All his talk of peace and love is really honking off my red chinese masters.

Homer:Please forgive me, talking llama.

Crowd member:His brain isn't large enough to juggle two contrasting personae!

Barney:Yeah, and Homer's a dumbass! No offense, Homer. Ya dumbass.

Crowd:The pie man could fly. And spit acid! And animals did his bidding!

Lisa:Dad, I think you created a hero that even you couldn't live up to.

Marge:You'd have to be an idiot not to see it from the start.

Bart:And wherever pie man is, the cupcake kid will not be far behind.

Marge:While you two are up on the roof, why don't you take the leaves out of the gutter?