Thirty years in the future, Bart, Lisa and their children spend the holidays at Marge and Homer's house.
WAR
40.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Holidays Of Future Passed” ranks #383 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.8 — Great. The episode packs 67 scored jokes at 3.6 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Maude's ghost · Ned: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty meaningless void. / Isn't she pretty?
Lisa · Milhouse: Sometimes I wish strangling your kid was still legal. Not since they passed Homer's Law.
Ned · Maude's ghost: That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost. There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty meaningless void. Isn't she pretty?
Skinner · Bart: You're two weeks late on the rent, Bart. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
Lisa's husband: Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick!
All Jokes — 67 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy Callback Homer: I'll never eat turkey again. Marge, we got any ham?!
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: I'm Santa? Oh, now I'll never die.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Lisa · Marge · Homer: Can't we just send out a picture of the pets dressed like reindeer? We tried that last year. D'oh!
Bart: This cycle of jerks has to end.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd never seen that movie.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist ★ Rewatch Skinner · Bart: You're two weeks late on the rent, Bart. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
Bart: Don't worry. I got some buyers coming over to look at my good kidney. They grow back, right?
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bart's son: It smells like dog, but there's no dog.
Bart's son · Bart: Christmas with you is gonna suck! You're wrong. This is gonna be your best Christmas ever. Really? Yeah. Give me some credit. I'll just dump 'em at my mom's.
Bart's son · Bart: You know, we can hear thoughts now. Damn it!
Milhouse: I can't believe we put a man on the Sun, but we can't stop my sneezing!
Zia: Gee, I'm fine, Mom. Thanks for asking. I'm going online.
Zia Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lisa: How did my daughter turn into my brother?
Lisa Observational Character Comedy Milhouse · Lisa: When we had her, they used only the best genetic material, which meant none of mine. You parked the car. That helped. I guess.
Lisa · Milhouse: You could go back to Michigan. It's still under Sharia law. Yeah, but they always make me wear a veil.
Doctor: recent research has shown that the umbilical cord is also a vocal cord.
Marge · Homer: Why do you say future? This is now. I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.
Marge · Homer: I just got a message from Maggie in my brain. Ooh, a B-mail!
Homer · Marge: Hey, I got a B-mail, too. 'You have won a valuable prize. Open now.' Don't open it, Homie. It's a virus. Too late. I...
Homer Visual Gag Callback Callback Homer: Yeah, after I stopped drinking, this was a way to stay close to my bottles. I'd smash 'em all for one lousy beer!
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart: Oh, man, I can't believe they still haven't figured out a way to detangle Christmas lights.
Bart Observational Escalation Bart's sons · Bart: Mom's boyfriend is good at detangling them. Well, maybe Mom should marry him. She did. We weren't supposed to tell you.
Bart's son · Grampa: Hey, Grampa, you gonna build a snowman? No, I just like to dress up to eat my carrots and smoke.
Ned · Maude's ghost: That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost. There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty meaningless void. Isn't she pretty?
Maude's ghost · Ned: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty meaningless void. / Isn't she pretty?
Airport worker · Maggie: Oh, ma'am, you really shouldn't teleport when you're pregnant. I'm afraid your only choice is... air travel.
Flight attendant: If you are seated in an exit row, please hold the door shut for the duration of the flight.
Milhouse · Lisa: 69% of the original Cher is playing. Sure, I'd love to... only not with you and not that.
Lisa · Milhouse: Sometimes I wish strangling your kid was still legal. Not since they passed Homer's Law.
Flight attendant: Suicide pills? Mohawk gel? 20-year-old Business Week? Turkey and Brie wrap?
Lisa · Marge: My daughter thinks I'm a ruthless tyrant, like Hitler or Prince Harry. Bloody Harry. He brought back beheading in a big way.
Lisa's husband: Bloody Harry. He brought back beheading in a big way.
Homer: Oh, don't worry. I have my invisibility cloak. Now, where did I put it? Oh.
Homer Setup/Punchline Physical/Slapstick Mugger · Homer: What are you after? We're a cashless society.
Cab driver · Maggie: Hey, didn't I go to jail with your brother?
Maggie: Well, looks like I'm gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. Gloves, hospital.
Lisa · Milhouse: Should I have married Nelson? 'Cause we still talk on the phone. Nelson calls you? Well... someone calls someone.
Bart · Lisa: Did you bake any? Yes, I did. And they were some of the best cookies ever made in this house. But that is not the point.
Bart: Maybe it's the court-mandated sincerity chip I got in my brain, but, Lis, you're the person I always wanted to be.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Tree: Our consciousness was a secret for thousands of years. Then one pine tree had to open his sappy mouth.
Tree Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Christmas tree: Our consciousness was a secret for thousands of years. Then one pine tree had to open his sappy mouth.
Bart's sons · Krusty: Who's Krusty? Only the funniest man in the world. I've never let go of my fax machine. Don't ask me why. I like the sound of a fax coming through. Especially if it's a nice deli menu.
Hospital worker: I'm sorry, but there's no room at the in... patient facility. A star in the east... Let me see. We do have a little room in the manger. I mean, mangier wing.
Lisa · Marge: How could he be such a cool grandfather when he's such a lousy father? People learn from their mistakes. And your father made so many mistakes.
Selma · Lovebot: Make me a Bloody Mary, dollface. No, Selma. Even a robot built only to love you cannot love you. I am leaving with your sister's concu-droid.
Apu · Sanjay's ghost: Oh, Sanjay, how I wish that runaway jerky wagon killed me instead of you. Oh, I miss you, too, brother.
Marge · Lisa: Sometimes a mother's job is to butt in. Lisa? Butt out! This is it-- I'm going into the Ultranet to save my daughter.
Lisa: Martin Prince is now Marcia Princess?
Lisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Nelson · Lisa: Is your marriage still dead and unfulfilled? Not a good time.
Marge: Google, even though you've enslaved half the world, you're still a damn fine search engine.
Marge Dark/Subversive Observational Ralph · Bart: Hi, Bart! Hey, Ralph. I heard you died. I got cloneded.
Bart · Carl: Hey, Lenny. I'm Carl. Don't you remember? You came to the brain-switching ceremony.
Lenny: Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time. Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show.
Moe Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa's husband: Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick!
Zia: What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons.com?
Zia Cringe/Discomfort Wordplay/Pun Homer · Bart: He froze himself because he was sick and there was no cure. Are they working on one? Oh, they found it-- but don't tell him. This is way cheaper than a nursing home.
Grampa: Eh, I don't see what's great about 'em.
Grampa Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bart: Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad, I live in a school, it's Christmas. The only thing worth anything in my life is you.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Bart's son: You've taught us the meaning of Christmas, which schools are forbidden to tell us anymore.
Grampa: You quit drinking like a coward! The one thing you were good at...
Grampa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Doctor · Homer: So, who's the father? Eh, it doesn't matter. If there's one day a year to give unwed mothers a break, it's Christmas.
Homer: Hmm, funny how they evolved and we didn't.
Homer Observational Visual Gag Homer: Hmm, funny how they evolved and we didn't.
Homer Observational Meta/Self-Referential Top Episodes — The Simpsons
