E Pluribus Wiggum

Unknown workers:- Oh! - Oh! Oh!

Homer:Listen carefully. I have taken your wife hostage. If you don't have a wife, I have kidnapped your brother. Nod if you understand. Now back away from Burns and I will let your dog live.

Homer:Now stop and dance like a happy prospector. Happier. Happier!

Homer · Unknown coworker:Homer, we want to get him away from Burns. Oh, right. Just leave. But kick like a Rockette.

Homer · Marge:We're free! Empty apartment here I come! Set the table, Marge. I can already taste those deep-fried pork chops.

Homer:When you ask me that it's never good.

Marge:Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbits.

Homer:Marge, that was a joke. But it comes from a true place.

Homer:I think I'll miss you most of all, Captain Corn Dog Schnitzel Palace.

Homer:Can't let Marge see this.

Homer:A drive-up trash can. This must be how the rich toss out their gold.

Homer:Hmm, 'Dispose of properly.' Aw, this book is too hard.

Mayor Quimby:There, there, Cheesy McMayor. No one likes weepy meat.

Mayor Quimby:I don't want to live in a future where food is brought by 'waiters'... where the chairs aren't attached to the tables... and where I can't ditch my kids in a pit of dirty balls.

Unknown citizen · Mayor Quimby:But won't that just shift the burden to your children? No, you idiot. We just pay for it with another bond issue. Let her figure out someone to dump it on.

Unknown official:Uh-oh, they're going to be cheesed.

Unknown narrator:Providing cheap liquor to Massachusetts teens for 200 years.

Dan Rather:this race is as wide open as a hobo's mouth at a pie-flinging contest.

New Hampshire resident:Well, Mr. Rather, the way I see it, as my father always said, 'The way I look at it...'

Dan Rather:Grandma was slow, but she was old. You have no excuse. Into the truck!

News crew members:Which Springfield? The one the Simpsons live in.

Bank robbers Martha and partner:Nice knitting on these masks, Martha. Now that you've said my name I have to kill him.

Kent Brockman:our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hacks, flacks, Russerts, Blitzers and even the occasional voter.

Barney:Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop.

Barney:I'm a registered... something.

Marge:That's what you said about yellow fever, and that was no fun.

Lisa · Homer:I feel like a pundit in a think tank! Think tank, eh? Hmm. Now let's consider World Bank lending policy towards Micronesia.

Homer:What? I'm not allowed to get one right?

Moe:Sure thing, mouse pad. Ten bucks.

Jon Stewart:Do I need to say my name? People know me, right? Know it's just cable, but... You know what? I'm not gonna worry about it. I gonna just... Great. Now I'm worried.

Jon Stewart · Krusty:Haven't seen you since you bailed on that benefit. Yeah, well, I really didn't believe in the cause. Well, Krusty's Kids sure missed ya. Yeah, they're great. A little clingy...

Jon Stewart · Krusty:Are you writing this down? Nah, this is somethin' else.

Krusty:Rush Limbaugh's sweatpants?

Jon Stewart · Krusty:Well, I'll thank you to keep my zingers out of your mouth. I'm gonna try and remember you the way you used to be. But I've always been terrible!

Nelson · Adult:Your medium is dying! Nelson! But it is! There's being right, and there's being nice.

Focus group moderator · Participant:This punch is too sweet. your blouse makes you look fat. Opinions about the ads.

Focus group participant:Mm, my god! They're going steady!

Focus group participants:Well, I thought every part of it was good, but overall, I hated it. I feel exactly the opposite, but the same.

Focus group participant:That was the best milkshake ad I've ever seen. It makes me wanna want a milkshake!

Democratic candidates:Hence my campaign slogan, 'End quintile disparity'. Look, we all care about quintile disparity, but the Democrats can't win with another prissy brainiac.

Senator Winnergill:That's Whiner-girl.

Ned Flanders:You're never gonna let that go, are you?

Politicians:Family values! Vanishing middle class! Cut and run! Terrorists win! Terrorists win!

Homer:If you haven't sprung from her or aren't married to my loins, get the hell out of this house!

Homer · Fred Thompson:You too, Fred Thompson. But I was in Die Hard. Die Hard Two!

Moe:I could really go for some kind of military dictator like, uh, Juan Peron. When he disappeared ya, you stayed disappeared. Plus his wife was Madonna.

Unknown citizen · Another citizen · Dennis Kucinich:Why don't we all pick the most ridiculous candidate and write him in? You mean Dennis Kucinich? Hey! I'm right here!

Ralph Wiggum:What I did made the TV thing happen.

Nash Castor:Two days ago, this bed-wetter made a splash in the Springfield Primary.

Ralph Wiggum:Stranger danger!

Ralph Wiggum:I only have this much monies.

Political pundit:Well, um, I'd hate to be the fingernail in this Cobb salad, but we don't even know if this young man is a Democrat or Republican.

Political pundit:Before we invite Ralph to the prom, we should find out if he's wearing a tux or a tutu.

Bart:Ralph said he'd let me be Secretary of Indian burns. Here's my first official act: Ow!

Homer:Lisa, being president is easy. You just point the Army and shoot.

Homer:The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Marge:Oh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out. What's next? Finding out what operas I go to?

Republican official:Do you have bats in your belfry? They don't even let him use big-boy scissors!

Republican official:Sure he's a little green, but, uh, you know, so was George W. Bush, and look how great, uh, he-he... um...

Republican official:But at least he won! The second time... assuming they don't find those ballot boxes in Ohio.

Democratic Party member:I already got my assless, sparkle tux cleaned for the inauguration.

Democratic Party member:With Ralph on the ticket, I don't know how we will blow it, but we will. Because that's what the Democratic Party is all about.

Kent Brockman:the most charismatic child since Drew Barrymore in Firestarter. When she got mad, they got burned.

Ralph Wiggum:Elmo?

Political operative:Ah, Admiral Elmo Zumwalt, Richard Nixon's chief of naval operations. So Ralph's a Republican!

Political operative:Only one place to settle this: to the offices of the World Book Encyclopedia!

Democratic operative:We have Alec Baldwin, they have Stephen Baldwin. They might as well not even have a Baldwin.

Ralph Wiggum:Maybe I want to use them. Use them to make this country great again. When we're mad, we'll just use our words, then the rest of the world will play nice with us. And the only boom-booms will be in our pants.

Ralph Wiggum:And you can be my first ladle.

Ralph Wiggum:I want a tricycle, and a dog who won't chew my Hot Wheels, and a brighter future for America! I'm Ralph Wiggum, and I've been a good boy!