When Bart ends up the only guest at Nelson's birthday party, the bully decides he's his best friend and goes about protecting Bart in a parody of "Goodfellas." Meanwhile, Homer reads Lisa to sleep and debates on whether to reveal the book's sad ending to her.
WAR
44.8
Wins Above Replacement
“The Haw Hawed Couple” ranks #204 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 80.0 — Elite. The episode packs 49 scored jokes at 2.7 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Nelson landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Milhouse: Trust me, Bart. It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of 'em.
Milhouse Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Nelson: I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. Hey, gas ball, you suck!
Nelson Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: You think I wouldn't rather be living nude in the forest like some ancient pagan, just dancing around playing the pan flute?!
Homer Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. And as always, have fun watching.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: No man should outlive his fictional wizard. No man!
Homer Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 49 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart: It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi.
Bart Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Homer: You're the worst husband in the world! / Yeah, well, I wish I'd married Patty and Selma.
Marge: I wish I'd married Lenny and his friend.
Marge Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: Recording that fake fight was a great idea. Now the kids won't bother us during our morning snuggle.
Homer: Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. And as always, have fun watching.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Milhouse: Trust me, Bart. It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of 'em.
Milhouse Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Milhouse: But what will I eat at midday?
Nelson: I can't solve all your problems. Just hand over the money.
Nelson Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Nelson: Thanks, wads, and I hope to see you both Saturday. / Come to my party or die.
Bart: He makes you look his baseball cards and tell him they're good. They're not good.
Bart Observational Deadpan/Understatement Martin: Individually, we are weak like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot.
Martin Wordplay/Pun Misdirection ★ Rewatch Groundskeeper Willie · Principal Skinner: Hell, no, I won't mow! / Willy, you're fired with complete loss of pension.
Marge: Well, if no one else jumped off the Empire State Building, would you not jump?
Marge Wordplay/Pun Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bart Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Homer · Lisa · Homer: Lisa, you're never gonna get a husband by being sarcastic. / All right, no husband. / You're getting a husband!
Homer: You think I wouldn't rather be living nude in the forest like some ancient pagan, just dancing around playing the pan flute?!
Homer Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart: Uh-oh, do I hear a dial tone? 'Cause this party is off the hook!
Bart Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort Nelson · Bart · Nelson: Is Highway 88 backed up? / Oh, yeah, it's a parking lot out there. / Of course, that explains everything. Stupid Highway 88!
Spider-Man performer · Nelson: Maybe I should come back a little later. / Don't go. My party peeps are en route, I swear!
Nelson: I ordered them to.
Nelson Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer · Nelson: How'd you afford this kickass party? / Carnival ride hit me on the head.
Nelson: Hey! It's my birthday bud!
Nelson Callback Character Comedy Callback Nelson: An entire case of pool cue chalk. We can make the tip of anything blue.
Nelson Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: I got a lot on my plate. I've got a big report due on the Nile River - topic sentence, bibliography, page numbers - it's nuts.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Nelson: You made me get water on my cheek.
Nelson Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jimbo · Dolph: Let's go over to the Sunshine pre-school and wail on toddlers. / Yeah, we'll jump 'em while they're napping.
Homer: But your mother smells like coconut.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: Oh, yeah, this is that fantasy book that even grown-ups like. Broken, lonely grown-ups.
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Nelson: I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. Hey, gas ball, you suck!
Nelson Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Nelson: I mean, a shark can't stop swimming or it'll blow up.
Nelson Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Nelson: The sleeves were torn off by wild dogs.
Nelson Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement Marge · Scotty: So, Scotty, how do you like school? / Closed!
Book characters · Homer: You must read ahead. Fiction is your passion! / Lady, you're nice, but I'm married.
Book character: Thanks for the spoiler there, big mouth.
Bart: Because my chest is cold and my arms aren't.
Bart Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Nelson: I was waiting to smash this frog with you, and it peed in my hand.
Nelson Cringe/Discomfort Visual Gag Nelson: Look what you made me do!
Nelson Character Comedy Escalation Nelson's mother: I just hit a major marshmallow vein. I think it goes all the way to the bottom.
Homer: It's not true-- they're brave, 'cause they're strong.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Bart: You're a nut bar, a whack job! A kooka-dooka!
Bart Escalation Wordplay/Pun Martin: I've set up a trust. It bypasses the inheritance tax. Only till 2008. Look into it!
Martin Character Comedy Observational Homer: Time to do what I do best. Lie to a child!
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer as Greystash: Mustache power: activate!
Homer: They went to Star Wars Land and fought star wars.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: I hate milk! It comes from cow wangs!
Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Other kids: Man lips! Skinner loves Bart! Skinner loves Bart!
Bart · Nelson: You mean...? / Exactly. You're barf to me now.
Homer: Don't say his name. In your mouth, it sounds like dirt!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: No man should outlive his fictional wizard. No man!
Homer Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons
