A bomb squad mistakenly blows up Homer's unattended gym bag, releasing radiation into the city and authorities react by suspending civil liberties. Wiggum and his men install surveillance cameras around Springfield and round up suspected terrorists, including groundskeeper Willie, but when monitoring the nonstop flow of video imagery proves to be too much, Wiggum enlists concerned citizens to help keep the city safe. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes fed up with being blonde, so she dyes her hair a dark color.
WAR
40
Wins Above Replacement
“To Surveil With Love” ranks #435 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.4 — Great. The episode packs 56 scored jokes at 2.8 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Lisa landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Quimby · Cletus: All in favor say, 'I have sex with animals.' I do have sex with animals, but I am not in favor of term limits.
Duffman: And now, Duffman has a dinner date with his estranged daughter. Must not bring up why she dropped out of college. It's too sad!
Duffman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: But I feel a little like I'm the Tom Voyeur to these Huckleberry Sinners.
Grampa: This building cut me off!
Grampa Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Nigel: Peer at the monitor, Be judgmental, and Jot it down. One way to remember that is A.B.C.: Always Be Considering P.B. and J. But the single most important rule is the four A's: Always Act According to A.B.C.
Nigel Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 56 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Duffman · Crowd: Duffman is here to refill your beers! Now, for the only thing better than Duff. Better than Duff? Free Duff stuff!
Duffman: And now, Duffman has a dinner date with his estranged daughter. Must not bring up why she dropped out of college. It's too sad!
Duffman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lunch Lady: It's your pet canary. Now scram!
Lisa · Nelson: First of all, Milhouse fell because you tripped him. Secondly, spaz is short for spastic diplegic, someone who suffers from a serious medical condition. Thirdly, your 'haw haw,' through overuse, has lost its power.
Nelson: Wow. I bow before your logic. (grunts)
Nelson Reaction Beat Character Comedy Ms. Dubinsky: Well, it's the one extracurricular activity that can't be cut, because it requires no equipment. We're low on funding, so Ralph Wiggum will be standing in as your lectern.
Ralph Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Megan: The sun and the breeze-- the two things you know a lot about. Right, Blondie?
Megan Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Megan: Why don't we get a bitchin' new perm with daddy's credit card?
Megan Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Lisa: First of all, my father no longer has any functioning credit cards.
Lisa Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: Did they jump on the pile to smoosh it down?
Mr. Burns: Eh, just find the biggest idiot on our payroll and slip it in his bag.
Mr. Burns Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: That's a bingo.
Homer · Lenny: The best mac and cheese I've ever had is at a bowling alley in Ogdenville. Breadcrumbs on the top. I'm on my way!
Unknown official: Well, now, why can't it be blown up by a woman of color?
Bomb squad member: No time for a full countdown.
News anchor: Enough radioactivity was released to create 17 Hulks and a Spider-Man.
Mayor Quimby: Everything I've said about terrorism till now was fear-mongering. But today, I monger the truth.
Townsperson · Nigel · Helen Lovejoy: Does he have a cute accent? Why don't you be the judge, young lady? Ooh, he sounds just like Paddington Bear!
Nigel's flashback characters: Flowers, guv'nor? A pretty for your buttonhole? 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
Wally: Well, I'm Wally of Wally's Framers, and this is exactly what I want.
Wally Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Selma/Patty · Lisa: That blonde girl thinks she's smart, like us dark hairs. Again with the blonde! I'm smart, too. I got Joe to promise to leave his wife when I turn 50.
Quimby: All in favor say cheese. Those opposed say, 'I hate America.'
Quimby Setup/Punchline Observational ★ Rewatch Quimby · Cletus: All in favor say, 'I have sex with animals.' I do have sex with animals, but I am not in favor of term limits.
Book character: We're moving to Rectangu-Land! Round up the family and let's roll!
Krusty: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't make ice? She lost the recipe.
Krusty Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Bart: Blonde guys aren't dumb. They're evil. Like in The Karate Kid and World War II.
Bart Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Lou · Eddie · Chief Wiggum: A woman sunbathing topless on R-15! Uh, Chief, I think we got a misuse of police equipment on ZZ-99. Killjoy.
Lou · Chief Wiggum: He was just jogging in a tan sweat suit, Chief. Are you sure? I thought I saw his... That was a fanny pack, worn on the front. But there was a... Water bottle... But it was... Leaking.
Nigel: Peer at the monitor, Be judgmental, and Jot it down. One way to remember that is A.B.C.: Always Be Considering P.B. and J. But the single most important rule is the four A's: Always Act According to A.B.C.
Nigel Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ned: I've got two teens in a public park goin' at it like a couple of gibbons in the back seat of Noah's Ark!
Ned Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: But I feel a little like I'm the Tom Voyeur to these Huckleberry Sinners.
Nigel: Or you could correct the behavior yourself with our Nag-a-sonic speakers.
Nigel Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Shauna · Kearney · Jimbo: What the hell was that?! I ain't lettin' you touch me with somebody watchin'. Don't push it, Kearney. I'm Jimbo! Make me look easy in front of the voice.
Marge: That's not Sesame Street, that's a gay bar.
Marge Visual Gag Observational Lisa: Dye! Dye! Dye! (maniacally laughing)
Lisa Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer: Golf ball-sized hail! Whoo-hoo!
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Ned · Barney: Well, sir, how many times have you been blown up since the cameras went in? Zero times.
Ned Barney Setup/Punchline Observational ★ Rewatch Ned via speakers: Don't use that dog as a ramp. Less radical... Less radical! Stop gleaming that cube!
Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Bart: Experimenting with my butt.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: My little Einstein.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Welcome to Chaos Corners, the Pleasure Patch, Satan's Triangle-- the one place in town no cameras can see you, and no laws can touch you.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ned: Yep, Springfield is cleaner than the Lord's hand towels.
Ned Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart · Crowd: Koo-koo-roo! Koo-koo-roo! A phony bird call?! That means Marge is coming! Everyone, act legal!
Bart Crowd Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Remember how you wanted me to get that expensive operation? Well, now I can afford a motorcycle!
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge: I don't want to get Homer in trouble, but it's just plain wrong to use that blind spot to turn our backyard into a Mecca of misdemeanors!
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Lisa · Crowd: Well guess what? I am not a brunette! I'm a blonde! Roots!
Lisa Crowd Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Lisa: Not all fat people are jolly. Would you be jolly if you thought Comic-Con was moving to Anaheim?
Lisa Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Grampa: This building cut me off!
Grampa Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Citizens: Who wants feet steak? De-meat those feet!
Citizen complaints about Ned: Don't burn that pile of ventriloquist dummies!
Lisa: You see, Ned, your citywide nagging compressed all of our town's misbehavior into one small place. Creating a glittering diamond of super evil.
Lisa Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ned · Bart: Like God created the devil. God created the devil? Finally, He did something cool.
Ned Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ned: That's the worst sin of all, for some reason.
Ned Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Nigel: Reminds me of my boy. Oh, Mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.
Nigel Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Simpsons
