After finding the keys to every door in Springfield, Lisa finds a hidden room beneath the elementary school.
WAR
35.1
Wins Above Replacement
“500 Keys” ranks #460 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 73.5 — Solid. The episode packs 65 scored jokes at 3.9 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Otto: And I didn't do anything wrong by fleeing the scene and not reporting it and killing that hobo with the big mouth. I might have imagined that last part.
Otto Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: What video game is this like? / Blimp Assassin 3. / For Wii or Xbox? / Xbox. / Original or 360? / Fly the blimp, you spoiled kid!
Skinner: Otto, maybe it was wrong of us to let you think you killed 24 children. Who can say?
Skinner Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Moe: You mean your windup hate crime?
Moe Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Rod/Todd: Jesus cries blood every time you lie.
Rod/Todd Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 65 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: It was this or a Porsche!
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Homer Reaction Beat Running Gag Cake Shop Owner: Returned because of a fight over the prenup. / That one there-- bride's dad made a racist toast. / She wanted a cake with blue rosettes, he slept with her sister.
Wedding cake vendor: She wanted a cake with blue rosettes, he slept with her sister.
Homer: Cake, will you do me the honor of making my stomach the happiest bag of acid in the world? You will?!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: Dad, our lives! / Fine.
Bart Homer Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy German family: Morning. Guten Tag.
Police Officer: Two of your kids are not locked in the car.
Marge: Babies aren't supposed to sleep on their stomach on a cake.
Marge Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: That's the key to my box with the real skull.
Homer Dark/Subversive Escalation Homer: This is from a gas station men's room. They put the block of wood on it so you don't walk away with it.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer · Marge · Barney: These are from a key party we went to before we realized what a key party was. We got out of there just in time. / Aw, come on. You'll miss all the sex.
Marge · Homer: Homer, stop him! / Stop who, Marge? Be specific.
Professor Frink: I really didn't want that subscription to The Atlantic.
Professor Frink: With the biting and the chewing on my tuchus. Oh, the laser eyes! Why did I give it to him?
Bart · Nelson: I tried to do bad and I did good. Haw-haw.
Duffman: Seriously, you got any beer? No. I heard drowning makes you feel like you're drunk.
Duffman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Barney: The guys at the AA meeting will never believe this.
Barney Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Homer: When we see each other again, you'll be an old man and I'll be a baby!
Homer Absurdist Misdirection ★ Rewatch Marge: And these are from sardine cans your father opened. He saved them out of sentimental value.
Marge Character Comedy Absurdist Marge: I hope I haven't stumbled onto my anniversary present.
Marge Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Come back, Pooter Toot! People might be offended by your mild tastelessness!
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Ned · Rod/Todd: It wasn't me, boys. It was the train. / What train, Daddy? / It-It was right there. With the... and the... you know, the...
Rod/Todd: Jesus cries blood every time you lie.
Rod/Todd Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Little Miss Play-It-Safe. Have a nice day. Just like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that...
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Principal Skinner · Nelson: Nelson, either tell them what they're having for lunch or get off the P.A. / Sloppy Joes! ...and the day before that... / Tater tots! ...and the day before that...
Lisa: Ooh, banned books! / Band books!
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Misdirection Lisa: Get thee behind me Namuche! That's the Buddhist Satan.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: I've discovered a mystery wrapped in a riddle in the basement of a lousy school!
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa: And this tooth has no dentin! Everything is fake.
Lisa Escalation Character Comedy Skinner · Agnes: Mother, it is my birthday, not our anniversary. / Well, it's work if they pay you. / They say they're going to.
Skinner · Lisa: Myra, cancel all my appointments. / You're just pressing a Mento.
Homer: Maybe I can find the answer by texting. Yo, Lenny, do you know anything about driving a blimp while intoxica...
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Ned: This train is mocking our intestinal distress!
Ned Character Comedy Absurdist Moe: You mean your windup hate crime?
Moe Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Lisa: One Thousand and One Vulgar Marching Band Formations.
Lisa Visual Gag Wordplay/Pun Mayor Quimby: Last place anybody would expect to see a moon: the sky.
Mayor Quimby · Homer: And you're my naked fairy-god-boy. / Aw, geez, I hope no one heard you say that. / And so, to this naked fairy-god-boy, I present the key to the city.
Superintendent Chalmers: I oversee 14 schools, Seymour, and for some reason, I always find myself talking to you about one of the Simpsons kids!
Skinner: Um, we were just standing here discussing how we have no, uh, secrets. And nothing to hide.
Skinner Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort Homer: Oh! Oh, the Zoomanity!
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Key Maker: Ah, yes, the Simpsons: a notch and a bump, two notches and a bump.
Lisa · Key Maker: How much? / $1.85. If you want that little plastic ring around it, now that's gonna cost you another seven cents. / Keep the change.
Lisa: I bet it's shoddy. / (bookshelf collapses)
Lisa Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Bart: Geez, they're dropping like flies.
Bart Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Cletus · Brandine: Brandine, I think we finally gots us something to cut off that umbrilical cord. / Well, then you got one more mouth to feed.
Homer: They've brought nothing but good luck since I got them.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Chief Wiggum: Things on the ground are out of my jurisdiction.
Chief Wiggum: Things on the ground are out of my jurisdiction
Maryann · Chief Wiggum: Clancy, is that you? / Oh, uh, hey, Maryann! Uh, how are you at getting pants off the ground?
Nelson: Yeah, I've been held back more times than I can count. Which I guess is why I keep getting held back.
Nelson Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Nelson: There's only one bed that's just right for me, the bed with the truth in it. Which is probably the third one.
Nelson Wordplay/Pun Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Nelson: It was a cold winter-- two-vest cold.
Nelson Character Comedy Observational Homer Character Comedy Callback Homer Character Comedy Callback Bart · Homer: What video game is this like? / Blimp Assassin 3. / For Wii or Xbox? / Xbox. / Original or 360? / Fly the blimp, you spoiled kid!
Homer · Bart: Boy, stomp on my head! / Yes! And I've got gum on my shoe!
Lisa · Marge: That's not a real arm, it's plastic. / That doesn't mean you're any better than him, young lady. He could be a war hero.
Homer: It's all pooted out.
Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Otto: And I didn't do anything wrong by fleeing the scene and not reporting it and killing that hobo with the big mouth. I might have imagined that last part.
Otto Escalation Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Skinner · Agnes: But these pants were good for another day. / That's not your decision. / I'm the boss of my own laundry. / Well, you don't have to sleep next to you!
Chalmers: And they didn't prorate.
Skinner: Otto, maybe it was wrong of us to let you think you killed 24 children. Who can say?
Skinner Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Chalmers · Lisa: How could I? She wasn't even born yet. / People have babies!
Bart: Maybe we'll fall real slow like Inception. / Oop, guess not.
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Misdirection Top Episodes — The Simpsons
