Please Homer Dont Hammer Em

Homer:Yeah, hasn't been the same since they murdered the Mayor's dad here.

Homer:Now it's a collection of candle kiosks and Persian CD stores

Persian CD Store Owner:Is like Bruce Springsteen the Boss, ya?

Persian CD Store Owner · Homer:If you buy now, I give you, uh, toothache cream. / Deal!

Bart:These games are so old. Who got these high scores? Pilgrims?

Homer:Now my ship is pooping more triangles.

Homer:Don't tell me how many times to think!

Homer:This doesn't taste like I thought it would.

Homer:We already own a book.

Marge:Redheaded twins? Their mother must have her hands full.

Homer:This doesn't look easy, but I'll bet it is.

Homer:Blah, blah, blah... Okay, now you do me.

Lisa:There were eels in the photo booth.

Bart:A fire? I didn't start a fire in the teachers' lounge. I mean, what fire?

Marge:Good grief, more peanuts!

TV Announcer:And the Pecker Brothers, Danny and Dell!

Homer:We are worse than the ancient Romans!

Homer:What's the point? We're all slowly dying.

Homer:What's that strange feeling? It's 'of accomplishment'!

Bart:It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry.

Marge:Aww, what a sweet blasphemy.

Marge:I'm already arranging the clip art for the letterhead in my mind.

Male Client:I have some pictures hanging that you might find, um... unsavory.

Male Client:What if you get pregnant and I'm left with half a hot tub? And don't tell me you're infertile. I ain't falling for that again.

Marge:I guess people just expect their carpenter to be some fat guy with his butt crack showing.

Marge:Homer, your butt just gave me a brilliant idea!

Homer:Why don't you go inside and stir your flubber while I get to work?

Elderly Client:I thought I heard the sound of a woman measuring.

Homer:Measure like a girl, hammer like a guy.

Homer:Hammer with the wood and it's all good.

Marge:A dash of glue, a turn of screw, and a gazebo's built that's perfect for two... or more.

Elderly Client:I'd have this gazebo torn down and built into a coffin... for your manhood.

Homer:Like all manly men, I have a vivid imagination.

Elderly Client:Let's take off our shirts and wrestle.

Nelson:Oh, why should we have to give up our salty snacks just to keep one allergic kid from exploding?

Milhouse:I'm only allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy, and my own tears.

Willie:A principal can be a man or a woman these days.

Willie:Just like the English took our sheep and our women in 1291. Then, they sent them back, which was worse!

Principal Skinner:My allergy is so sensitive, a single molecule would make my throat close like a museum at 4:45.

Helen Lovejoy:You provide food and sexual release for your handy husband.

Homer:I sat on it so much it's a little sore.

Homer:You'll be married to some kind of gay jelly, floating outside the Florida Keys, cruising for rich snorkelers.

Lisa:Yes, you might say he'll 'blow up.'

Bart:You might say it drives me nuts.

Carl:Maybe finally shut him up about the high price of cornmeal.

Homer:Who do you think would help me, my wife?

Carl:The only thing women can build is credit card debt.

Marge:I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, infinity.

Homer:We need to replace them with kick-ass going-down parts.

Homer:What are struts?! Oh, I don't know anything about struts.

Construction Worker:This guy's all bubble and no level.

Woman:I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.

Comic Book Guy:Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.

Comic Book Guy:The 'ite' suffix suggests a mineral.

Comic Book Guy:Perhaps. But for now, you may suckle your Baggins.

Homer:To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day.

Principal Skinner:Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long.

Bart:I... was... El Barto.

Man:you won't get married on The Pharaoh's Curse.

Homer:that I'm perfect and everything I touch is perfect!

Marge:He'll never hear me say 'I told you so!'

Homer:Avenge... me.