Jazzy And The Pussycats

Marge · Homer:Stop calling her that. / I'll tell you how she died. You know that sign that says 'Do not stand up on the roller coaster'? Yeah. She overdosed right in front of it.

Marge:Oh. Class all the way.

Homer:Marge, could you let it go? You won. She's dead.

Minister:a gifted cocktail waitress who hoped one day to learn computers

Minister:Amber said she wouldn't let her eighth-grade education stop her from achieving her dreams. And yet, it did.

Marge · Bart:Bart! Do you want to leave the funeral early?! Do you?! Yes. Of course.

Bart:Your name was Amber, just like the alert...

Bart:Thanks a lot. I lost my place. Um... Ah, here it is. 'The end.'

Homer:Everyone relax, huh? I know the Heimlich. I learned it a few years ago. It was 1997, and Titanic was proving unsinkable at the box office...

Unknown character:Somebody do me!

Dr. Pryor · Homer:First, let me assure you that Bart's antics are perfectly normal for a seven-year-old. Actually, he's ten. Oh, dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

Homer:Spare us your medical mumbo jumbo. Just give us the pills. Clear-cut his brain down to the nub.

Dr. Pryor:Drumming demands energy and concentration, one of which Bart has,

Bart:Whoa! Trippy!

White Stripes · Bart:Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?! Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings? Let's kick his ass!

Homer:Oh! Why couldn't he give up this like he gives up everything else?

White noise machine:Transport yourself to the shores of Nova Scotia

White noise machine · Marge:where cod and halibut frolic in...! He's just drumming louder!

Marge:And a circus fire!

Homer:Oh! Let me know... when and if you want sex, honey!

Homer · Bart:Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making! I thought you wanted me to drum. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now, get the hell outta here. I love you so much. Damn you!

Jazz musician · Customer:What it is, hepcats? You want me to scat-sing the menu? Absolutely not. Oh, God bless you, sir.

Jazz musician · Bart:Hey, Bart, you want to jam with me? Okay. If you give me your omelet. Whoo-hoo! I'm a professional musician!

Jazz musician:Not bad for a newbie, Bart! You just may be the second-best. In case you're wondering who the best one is, it's me.

Jazz musician:That's a wrap, kids. Now go have some Jazzy Bread. That's bread that fell on the floor.

Defonzo · Marcus · Lisa:I'm, uh, Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer. This is Marcus 'Marbles' Le Marquez. / We were about to play a quick set, Yes? Lisa Simpson... Yes? would do us the honor... Yes? of sitting in... that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.

Bart:I was jamming with Skinny Turner. And they want me to join their trio! Woo-hoo! What's next? A contract with Groove-tone Records? Take the G-train, baby. Groove-tone!

Lisa:'Cause I've wanted to jam with jazz musicians all my life. / How would Bart like it if I just hopped on his skateboard and instantly became great?

Lisa:Ah... whoa...

Bart · Lisa:I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz. It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing

Bart · Jazz musicians · Lisa:Oh-- I always wanted a jazz nickname. Fine. We'll call you, uh... Downbeat. 'Cause you're bringin' us down. That is the most unfair... Downbeat, Downbeat, please.

Jazz musicians · Bart:We're shootin' the breeze with Tic Tock. Oh, man, I am so juzzed.

Gil:Bart, a rising star like you needs a manager, and Gil's your guy! Oh, I'm a jazz daddy from way back. With the skit-skat skittily boom-de-boom, and the ding-dong daddy... Is that jazz? That's jazz, right? Cha-cha-cha with the curly fries.

Homer:I like you more, now that other people like you.

Bart · Lisa · Homer:It's mergatronic, Daddy-Ho. / Bart, does that even mean anything? / Xavier Cugat!

Lisa:Mom, I'm gonna lose it. Bart's on the cover of both local jazz magazines: 'Blowin'' and 'The Sugar Sheet'. Here's the only thing I've been on the cover of.

Pound worker:Yeah, you know what's even cuter? Picking one without talking to me.

Pound worker:Who's gonna get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are.

Older dog · Lisa:Lisa Simpson... you doomed me. I did? How? By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die.

Older dog:You suuuuuck! You suuuuuck!

Dog · Lisa:You suuuuuck! You suuuuuck! / Ah, thanks, sweetie. / You suuuuuck!

Pound worker:Yeah, he'll be in God's Dumpster tomorrow

Pound worker:because he knows my darkest secret: I like putting animals to sleep.

Lisa:And if you get hungry, there are rats living in the Christmas decorations.

Lisa:Shut up! I just said 'shut up.' I'll punish myself by going upstairs.

Bart · Jazz musicians:Uh... not smoking reefer. Uh, that's right. We all not smoking reefer.

Bart:I was a great drummer, and now I'm nothing, just like Phil Collins.

Homer:And what about my new job as a Mexican wrestler? Beware of Taco Belly. Whoo! Eat your heart...

Unknown caller:Uh, yes, I would like a bird because I'm often

Unknown character:Can I, uh, can I borrow that ostrich?

Homer · Lisa:Not if I can help it, Lisa. Do you have an idea? Uh, no. Sorry if it sounded like I did.

Jazz musicians · Bart:Sorry, Tic Tock. Your tick is on... but your tock is gone. Well, I've got a confession to make. This right arm... it's not mine. Whose is it? I don't know.

Bart:It's like a potato chip full of shame, going down my throat sideways.

Bart:You're my mother. How can you say that?

Announcer:Gooey Martin, Willie Mimms, Drop Jaws Turner, Sketch Friendly, Tootsie Childs, Sammy Biltmore, No-Talent Jones, Anwar Benitez, Bossy Marmalade, Bad-Check Mazursky, Ray-Ray Takamura, Shaky Premise, Bootsy Croutonne, Richard Sakai, The Pre-Marital Sextet, C.S.I. Miami, D.W. Jitters, The Chubb Group, Cantaloupe St. Pierre and many, many, more funny names!

Krusty:Now I'm gonna go vomit to keep my weight down. That's right. That's how Krusty does it.

Bart:Jazz folk may have the smallest apartments, but they also have the biggest hearts.