The 17th annual Halloween trilogy. Included: "Married to the Blob," in which a meteor turns Homer into a monster; "You Gotta Know When to Golem," about a monster from Jewish folklore; and "The Day the Earth Looked Stupid," about an alien invasion.
WAR
35.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Treehouse Of Horror Xvii” ranks #398 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.4 — Great. The episode packs 65 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Character landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Golem: I feel so guilty. I've mangled and maimed 37 people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn't. I'm not a good man.
Marge · Homer: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son? Nag, nag, nag.
Lisa · Homer: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel. If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
Homer · Bart: Bart, there's something I have to tell you father to son. I passed out on your turtle and killed it. Someday you'll thank me.
Kang: Foolish Earthlings. Now is the perfect time to strike. They'll think it's another hoax.
Kang Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline All Jokes — 65 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Crypt Keeper: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scare-i-monies?
Assistant · Third Character: Priceless, sir. You made the word 'ceremonies' frightening. I know what I did. Hey, can we get going here? Listening to you two is more torture than the torture.
Torture Victim: Actually, no, this is worse. Although the right nipple spike seems a little dull.
Character: Whoa, look at that! My blood's a genius. Fancy Roman numerals and everything.
Teen Couple: Whoa! That almost tore my head off. Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Lisa · Homer: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel. If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
Marge · Homer: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from. Marge, I ate it. It's over.
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer/Blob: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
Homer · Bart: Still hungry. Dad? Son, let me have a lick at you.
Marge · Homer: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son? Nag, nag, nag.
Character · Homer: Is that the cat? Uh, no, just gas.
Homer/Blob: No, today's teens have enough problems without me eating them.
Homer · Victim: The flames are sealing in my juices. I'll savor you.
Homer Dark/Subversive Wordplay/Pun Teen · Girl: Tell my friends I died kissing a girl! No.
German Tourist: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this? Oh, right.
Homer: I like big guts and I cannot lie / Double chins with the chafing thighs / When a dude walks in with the hanging jowls / My stomach starts to growl--I'm gettin' hungry
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch News Reporter: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield. And to make matters worse, we're also being attacked by a 50-foot Lenny.
Lenny · Carl: Everyone's paying attention to Homer. I still like you. Thanks, Invisible Carl.
Ned Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Dr. Phil · Homer: Dr. Phil McGraw! You've got a weight problem, and you know it. You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
Dr. Phil · Character: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's the Taj Mahal. Yeah, Homer, stop doing that.
Marge · Homer: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000-ton cannibal. What happened to 'for better or for worse?!'
Character · Homer: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil. It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffrey Tambor.
Character: You gotta know when to golem
Krusty: Finally, I'd like to announce that starting Monday, this show will be broadcast in HDTV. Here's how I'll look. Heh? That's right: look at your hero!
Character · Bart: Aren't you coming, Bart? Nah, I'm gonna go backstage and complain. This Krusty Brand alarm clock sprays acid in your face.
Bart: Cool! It's that clown car all those midgets drowned in.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Krusty: Legendary defender of the Jewish people, like Alan Dershowitz, but with a conscience.
Krusty Observational Character Comedy Krusty: I kid Alan. We're friends.
Krusty Callback Character Comedy Callback Krusty · Audience Member: So the wife says, 'I don't have to pay for it. I put it on my charge plate.' You suck, clown! You made my lady cry!
Krusty: I'm gonna need a shoebox full of blow to get through this dreck.
Krusty Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer · Bart: Bart, there's something I have to tell you father to son. I passed out on your turtle and killed it. Someday you'll thank me.
Bart: Can't you read my writing? I didn't say kick Homer's 'walls'.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag Bully · Bart: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money. Mmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
Bart · Milhouse: Finally, someone who does whatever I say. Hey, Bart, I shaved my head like you told me. Get lost. Yes, Master.
Lisa · Bart: Did your mystical Jewish monster beat up those bullies? Oh, it's always the Jews' fault.
Golem: Finally, I can talk! This is the voice I've got? Sounds like I should be selling egg creams in Brighton Beach.
Golem Character Comedy Observational Krusty: That's what we call Jewish humor. You don't have to understand it 'cause the words sound funny. Meshuggeneh. Hilarious.
Krusty Meta/Self-Referential Observational Golem: Of course I feel bad. My stomach feels like it's hosting the Chabad telethon and Norm Crosby's going long.
Golem Character Comedy Observational Golem: 'Kill the czar'? Now that's an old one.
Golem Observational Character Comedy Character · Willie: Skinner! I wish we'd been closer. Get him out of here, Willie. You'll make better mulch than you did a man.
Skinner: I may be bifurcated, but I still have feelings.
Skinner Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Golem: I feel so guilty. I've mangled and maimed 37 people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn't. I'm not a good man.
Character · Character: He sure is neurotic for a monster. The cure to any man's problems is a good relationship. Yeah, get him a woman. That'll end his misery.
Golem: The surprise would be if I found some good live theater in this town. Then people could have some drinks, watch Fiddler. Very nice.
Golem Character Comedy Observational Selma: Ugh! What's with this outfit? It looks like a lion ate a parrot and then threw up.
Selma Visual Gag Setup/Punchline Chief Wiggum · Character: Not so fast. You're wanted for the murder of Seymour Skinner. Oh, come on, Chief. We've got a lat kebar downstairs. Latkes? What the hell are those? They're pan-fried... Case dismissed.
Character · Character: I don't get it. What's so 'Great' about this Depression? Well, I like how everything's sepia-toned. Makes me feel all nostalgic.
Old Character · Other Character: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War. First World War? Why you keep callin' it that? Oh, you'll see.
Homer · Older character: First World War? Why you keep callin' it that? / Oh, you'll see.
Character: So, it's a war of the worlds. Good thing we got the sun on our side.
Chief · Officer: Okay, boys, we're under attack. Let's drive 'em out of town the way we did with the Irish. Hey, I'm Irish. Oh, wait, I'm Polish.
Radio Reporter: Now they're riding horses in the rain. Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.
Orson Welles: Well, I just hope our saucy little radio prank will give these 'folks,' as you call them, a giggle, a gasp, and provide a good lead-in for Misters Amos and Andy.
Character · Character: Wait, did you get my sweater out of the front seat? Uh, yeah. Well, where is it? I'll go get it.
Character · Character: Wait, I have an idea. The Martians are only killing humans, so we should pretend to be animals. Ingenious. Everyone, remove your clothes and wallow in filth.
Lisa · Character: Martians? You do know that radio broadcast was a hoax? Yeah, it was an Orson Welles radio play of War of the Worlds.
Kang: Foolish Earthlings. Now is the perfect time to strike. They'll think it's another hoax.
Kang Irony/Sarcasm Setup/Punchline Chief Wiggum · Orson Welles: How's it feel when the hoax is on the other foot? I must admit it's unpleasant.
Character · Chief Wiggum: You fool. You've doomed us all. Eh, tell it to the Great Gildersleeve.
Kang · Kodos: You said we'd be greeted as liberators. Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. I don't know. I'm starting to think 'Operation: Enduring Occupation' was a bad idea.
Kang · Kodos: We had to invade. They were working on weapons of mass disintegration. Sure they were.
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