The Parent Rap

Homer:d'oh!

Radio DJ:Won't you marry me, bill? I got the wedding gown bill because weddings are Nice

Radio DJ:The kbbl prize posse! Damn dirty ape! If our wampum wagon spots your kbbl party penguin, you'll win $40!

Bart · Milhouse:If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast! Big deal. It's just saltines and fig paste. Ew! Saltines!

Homer · Cora:Hey, Cora. I heard science is working on a donut that actually burns off calories. How's that going?

Homer · Cora:Just refill this with jelly, Will you? Thanks. You're an angel. What?

Bart · Milhouse:With rain baggy! Oh, man. That would really keep your head dry.

Bart · Milhouse:Have you ever been in a police car? Not in the front.

Bart · Milhouse:You there! Put your hands up! Me? Okay. Now, drop your pants. Yeah, but... But my hands are up. Hula out of them.

Chief Wiggum · Bart:It's me, Clancy. No! Get away!

Homer:Soup! Soup!

Chief Wiggum:You have the right to remain, um... Uh... Silent? That doesn't sound right.

Marge:I love our court days. It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore.

Homer:He's basically a good kid. He's just weak. Morally and in the upper body.

Bart:Please let me slip through the cracks.

Judge Snyder:Well, you look like a good student, what with those glasses, and I suppose boys Will be boys. Case dismissed.

Judge Snyder · Bart:Why, hello, Bart. Say, are those new shoes? Yes, they are, Roy.

Judge Snyder:I'll bring the car around. And I suppose boys Will be... Oops. My vacation just started.

Judge Harm:Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting.

Judge Harm · Homer:You abandoned your son to win $40? And a blue oyster cult medallion. Cool.

Homer:Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of don't fear the reaper, I think you'll agree that...

Homer:Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or 'au pair.'

Judge Harm:Sorry, bub. That crow won't caw.

Court officer · Homer:Sir, you are not a size four. I used to be.

Lisa:That's why Bill Clinton is our new mailman.

Bill Clinton:Dang magazines.

Marge · Homer:Make sure your father takes his mood medication. I'll medicate you... honey.

Homer · Bart:Race you to the kitchen, my little tether ball. You're on, rope-a-dope!

Homer · Teacher:Boring! Mr. Simpson, I'm trying to teach. Come on. These kids are never gonna use that stuff.

Teacher · Bart · Homer:What's wrong with him now, Bart? Night terrors, ma'am. Cobras!

Homer:Hey, hey! Run, Bart! Pump your thighs! Pump them!

Umpire · Bart · Homer:Safe! Wow. My first home run. That's my boy.

Homer · Bart:Come on, hug me. [Awkward pause]

Homer:Cobras! Cobras!

Homer:And there's no one here to squeal on me for shooting mice.

Homer:Oh, son, you know that's none of your business.

Homer · Bart:Say, is that our house? Uh, I don't think our house has a steeple. Yeah. I forget things sometimes.

Moe · Homer:Hey, hey, no kids in the bar! Since when? The heat's been on since them bush girls were in here.

Homer · Moe:Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600. Really? Yeah. They're Italian. All right, hand them over. Moe, what the... Yeah, I Rob now.

Judge Harm:If you can't cope, you'll wear the rope.

Marge:Well, you can tell she's never had kids. Look how high and firm her breasts are.

Homer · Marge:Use the bottle. No! I don't want you going in a bottle. That's what hobos do.

Homer:Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!

Homer:Son, it's a little chilly. Maybe you should wrap a blanket around your head.

Homer:Why not? Kids are very visual these days!

Bart · Homer:The lady said no. Hey, shut up. You shut up.

Marge · Homer:I'm sleeping in the bathtub. Why, you little...

Marge:I can't take it anymore!

Bart · Homer:Mom, you cut the tether. We're free! Your mother set us free!

Judge Harm:That's right. It's me, judge harm, through the magic of fiber optics.

Judge Harm:Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway.

Homer:You see, I was pressuring my wife to make love in front of our son, you're gonna laugh when you hear this, when suddenly...

Judge Harm:It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet lady h.

Lisa · Marge:I'm a latchkey kid. You are not!

Bart · Marge:I'm a latchkey kid. You are not!

Marge:And frankly, judge, I think you're a bully!

Homer:Your honor, I'd like to be tried separately.

Judge Harm:She's such a butthole.

Bart · Lisa:'Cause I felt like it. You're not even listening. I know you are, but what am I?

Sea Captain · Nelson · Homer:Yarr, ye scurvy dogs! Ow! Ow! Worst parents ever! Ha-ha! Hey! No extension cords!

Homer:It could be 'negligent' or 'unfit' or 'drugged up.'

Homer:It's time to stand up to that firm-breasted judge.

Ned · Homer:What the... Hey, Marge, surf's up!

Ned:Gee, I always like to help you, homer, but I don't want to be an accessory to some sort of shady doings.

Marge:If that costume shop knew we were using these burglar outfits for real, they'd be furious.

Homer:Let's start skulking.

Homer:Oh. It's only the milkman. Hey, maybe I should be a milkman!

Homer:She lives in a houseboat? Wow! She is so cool!

Marge · Homer:We hate her, homer. I know. I know. Fight the power.

Lou · Chief Wiggum:Ain't that sweet, chief? It sure is, Lou. Those two longshoremen found love.

Homer:I hate to call a judge dirty names, but there's only one way to describe a nasty super witch like her.

Homer:It's just a friendly seal.

Homer · Marge:Oh, lord, guide this cinder block. Homer, no!

Homer:Hey, how you doing?

Homer · Judge Harm:So... it cost you nothing. Shut up!

Judge Harm:and I'm gonna lock you up till frogs do fractions.

Judge Harm:You remind me of me when I was a little boy.

Homer:Um... did she say she used to be a dude?

Judge Snyder · Judge Harm:Well, I'm back from vacation. But I was just about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official. Sorry, I've already put my clown down. But I was just going to... The clown is down.

Lawyer · Judge Snyder:Judge snyder, motion to declare a writ of boys Will be boys. Motion granted. Case dismissed!

Judge Snyder:Motion granted. Case dismissed!

Bart · Homer:That was close. Please drive off me.

Marge · Homer:What's that noise? Uh... just the radio, dear.

Homer:cobras!