Bart gets in trouble for joyriding in a police car, but feels confident he will be let off by Judge Snyder. However, Snyder goes on vacation before ruling his verdict and is replaced with a coldhearted judge named Constance Harm. She accuses Homer of being a negligent father and sentences him to be tethered to Bart. The two are against it at first but later start to bond. Marge however is unable to take anymore of it and slices the tether off of them both. Homer and Marge then go after Judge Harm only to end up sinking her houseboat. Eventually Bart decides to take punishment and is about to be sentenced to 5 year in juvenile hall, only though Judge Snyder returns and dismisses Harm.
WAR
47
Wins Above Replacement
“The Parent Rap” ranks #356 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.5 — Great. The episode packs 84 scored jokes at 4.8 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.2 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Judge Snyder · Judge Harm: Well, I'm back from vacation. But I was just about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official. Sorry, I've already put my clown down. But I was just going to... The clown is down.
Marge: If that costume shop knew we were using these burglar outfits for real, they'd be furious.
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Moe: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600. Really? Yeah. They're Italian. All right, hand them over. Moe, what the... Yeah, I Rob now.
Homer · Marge: Oh, lord, guide this cinder block. Homer, no!
All Jokes — 84 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Radio DJ: Won't you marry me, bill? I got the wedding gown bill because weddings are Nice
Radio DJ: The kbbl prize posse! Damn dirty ape! If our wampum wagon spots your kbbl party penguin, you'll win $40!
Bart · Milhouse: If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast! Big deal. It's just saltines and fig paste. Ew! Saltines!
Homer · Cora: Hey, Cora. I heard science is working on a donut that actually burns off calories. How's that going?
Homer · Cora: Just refill this with jelly, Will you? Thanks. You're an angel. What?
Bart · Milhouse: With rain baggy! Oh, man. That would really keep your head dry.
Bart · Milhouse: Have you ever been in a police car? Not in the front.
Bart · Milhouse: You there! Put your hands up! Me? Okay. Now, drop your pants. Yeah, but... But my hands are up. Hula out of them.
Chief Wiggum · Bart: It's me, Clancy. No! Get away!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Chief Wiggum: You have the right to remain, um... Uh... Silent? That doesn't sound right.
Marge: I love our court days. It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore.
Marge Dark/Subversive Observational Homer: He's basically a good kid. He's just weak. Morally and in the upper body.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Bart: Please let me slip through the cracks.
Bart Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Judge Snyder: Well, you look like a good student, what with those glasses, and I suppose boys Will be boys. Case dismissed.
Judge Snyder · Bart: Why, hello, Bart. Say, are those new shoes? Yes, they are, Roy.
Judge Snyder: I'll bring the car around. And I suppose boys Will be... Oops. My vacation just started.
Judge Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting.
Judge Harm · Homer: You abandoned your son to win $40? And a blue oyster cult medallion. Cool.
Homer: Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of don't fear the reaper, I think you'll agree that...
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or 'au pair.'
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Judge Harm: Sorry, bub. That crow won't caw.
Court officer · Homer: Sir, you are not a size four. I used to be.
Lisa: That's why Bill Clinton is our new mailman.
Lisa Observational Absurdist Bill Clinton: Dang magazines.
Marge · Homer: Make sure your father takes his mood medication. I'll medicate you... honey.
Homer · Bart: Race you to the kitchen, my little tether ball. You're on, rope-a-dope!
Homer · Teacher: Boring! Mr. Simpson, I'm trying to teach. Come on. These kids are never gonna use that stuff.
Teacher · Bart · Homer: What's wrong with him now, Bart? Night terrors, ma'am. Cobras!
Homer: Hey, hey! Run, Bart! Pump your thighs! Pump them!
Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Umpire · Bart · Homer: Safe! Wow. My first home run. That's my boy.
Homer · Bart: Come on, hug me. [Awkward pause]
Homer Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: And there's no one here to squeal on me for shooting mice.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: Oh, son, you know that's none of your business.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Bart: Say, is that our house? Uh, I don't think our house has a steeple. Yeah. I forget things sometimes.
Moe · Homer: Hey, hey, no kids in the bar! Since when? The heat's been on since them bush girls were in here.
Homer · Moe: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600. Really? Yeah. They're Italian. All right, hand them over. Moe, what the... Yeah, I Rob now.
Judge Harm: If you can't cope, you'll wear the rope.
Marge: Well, you can tell she's never had kids. Look how high and firm her breasts are.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Homer · Marge: Use the bottle. No! I don't want you going in a bottle. That's what hobos do.
Homer: Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Homer: Son, it's a little chilly. Maybe you should wrap a blanket around your head.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: Why not? Kids are very visual these days!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Bart · Homer: The lady said no. Hey, shut up. You shut up.
Marge · Homer: I'm sleeping in the bathtub. Why, you little...
Marge: I can't take it anymore!
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Bart · Homer: Mom, you cut the tether. We're free! Your mother set us free!
Judge Harm: That's right. It's me, judge harm, through the magic of fiber optics.
Judge Harm: Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway.
Homer: You see, I was pressuring my wife to make love in front of our son, you're gonna laugh when you hear this, when suddenly...
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Judge Harm: It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet lady h.
Lisa · Marge: I'm a latchkey kid. You are not!
Bart · Marge: I'm a latchkey kid. You are not!
Marge: And frankly, judge, I think you're a bully!
Marge Character Comedy Escalation Homer: Your honor, I'd like to be tried separately.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Judge Harm: She's such a butthole.
Bart · Lisa: 'Cause I felt like it. You're not even listening. I know you are, but what am I?
Sea Captain · Nelson · Homer: Yarr, ye scurvy dogs! Ow! Ow! Worst parents ever! Ha-ha! Hey! No extension cords!
Homer: It could be 'negligent' or 'unfit' or 'drugged up.'
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: It's time to stand up to that firm-breasted judge.
Homer Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Ned · Homer: What the... Hey, Marge, surf's up!
Ned: Gee, I always like to help you, homer, but I don't want to be an accessory to some sort of shady doings.
Ned Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Marge: If that costume shop knew we were using these burglar outfits for real, they'd be furious.
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Let's start skulking.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Oh. It's only the milkman. Hey, maybe I should be a milkman!
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Homer: She lives in a houseboat? Wow! She is so cool!
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Marge · Homer: We hate her, homer. I know. I know. Fight the power.
Lou · Chief Wiggum: Ain't that sweet, chief? It sure is, Lou. Those two longshoremen found love.
Homer: I hate to call a judge dirty names, but there's only one way to describe a nasty super witch like her.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: It's just a friendly seal.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Marge: Oh, lord, guide this cinder block. Homer, no!
Homer: Hey, how you doing?
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer · Judge Harm: So... it cost you nothing. Shut up!
Judge Harm: and I'm gonna lock you up till frogs do fractions.
Judge Harm: You remind me of me when I was a little boy.
Homer: Um... did she say she used to be a dude?
Homer Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Judge Snyder · Judge Harm: Well, I'm back from vacation. But I was just about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official. Sorry, I've already put my clown down. But I was just going to... The clown is down.
Lawyer · Judge Snyder: Judge snyder, motion to declare a writ of boys Will be boys. Motion granted. Case dismissed!
Judge Snyder: Motion granted. Case dismissed!
Bart · Homer: That was close. Please drive off me.
Marge · Homer: What's that noise? Uh... just the radio, dear.
Homer Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Simpsons
