Bart, Milhouse, and Martin pool their money to buy the new first issue of Radioactive Man, but their investment and their friendship are threatened when they can't agree on who will keep it.
Three-way feud over rare comic escalates from bickering to genuinely dark places.
Directed by Wes Archer · Written by Jeff Martin
WAR
66.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Three Men And A Comic Book” ranks #124 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.1 — Elite. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Lisa: Perhaps his materialism led him to take his life.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: -Really? -No.
Bart Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Does Dirk Richter's ghost haunt the bordello where his body was found?
Bart Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Homer: No! Look, we all know that usually when you bug me I give in. I'm not mad at you. Shows you been paying attention.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Working's for chumps. I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Marge: Good comics? You only buy Casper the Wimpy Ghost.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Lisa: Equating friendliness with wimpiness... will keep you from achieving popularity.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart · Lisa · Bart: I think Casper's the ghost of Richie Rich. -Hey, they do look alike. -How did Richie die?
Lisa: Perhaps his materialism led him to take his life.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: He knocks a guy into the sun and says, 'Hot enough for you?'
Bart Wordplay/Pun Observational Lisa Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Convention worker · Bart · Convention worker · Bart: -Who are you dressed as? -I'm Bartman. -Never heard of him, full price. -Rip-off.
Comic Book Guy: Your spirits have imparted a glow to this old warhorse. I feel like Radiation Man!
Bart: That's Radioactive Man, jerk!
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: I stand corrected.
Comic Book Guy: Get that punk's name. No one makes a fool of me.
Convention worker: Has anyone turned in a left Vulcan ear? We've got a utility belt, tricorders, a light saber.... Sorry, kid.
Otto: My own idea for a comic book. It's about a dude who drives a school bus by day... but by night, fights vampires in a postapocalyptic war zone!
Otto Character Comedy Absurdist Bart: The guy who played Fallout Boy on TV? I guess he wasn't killed in Vietnam.
Bart Dark/Subversive Observational TV Radioactive Man: Laramie cigarettes give me the steady nerves I need to combat evil.
TV Fallout Boy: Wish I was old enough to smoke Laramies.
Buddy Hodges: Who knows? I did play Rum Tum Tugger in Cats. Anybody see it?
Bart: Does Dirk Richter's ghost haunt the bordello where his body was found?
Bart Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Buddy Hodges: Dirk Richter was a beautiful man. Can't you vultures leave him alone?
Comic Book Guy: It is, my lad. But I'll let you have it for 100.
Bart: But I must. I never knew why God put me on this Earth. Now, I know. To buy that comic book.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: Your emotion is out of place.
Homer: I never knew what Superman saw in her. Give me Wonder Woman. And that golden lariat. She can tie me up any time.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Marge · Homer: -Homer! -Just kidding, Marge.
Bart: You really are a sport, Dad, taking us to a fine restaurant like that.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: For a comic? Who drew it, Micha-malangelo?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: No! Look, we all know that usually when you bug me I give in. I'm not mad at you. Shows you been paying attention.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Bart: -Okay! -I win! In your face! Yeah! How do you like them apples?
Marge: Don't gloat, Homer.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Reaction Beat Marge: When I was your age, I wanted a child-sized electric light bulb oven.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Patty/Selma · Patty/Selma: -We'll give you half our allowance. -If you'll be our slave.
Patty/Selma · Patty/Selma: -This gives us more free time. -Let's take up smoking.
Lisa · Bart: -She means you should get a job. -Me?
Bart: I didn't realize it, but a part of my childhood had slipped away, forever.
Bart Observational Escalation Apu · Bart: -Shall I apply this to the cost of a squishy? -No. I need the dime.
Apu Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Bart: All those coins were worth three cents? Let the good times roll.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lisa: Now you look pathetic.
Lisa Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Bart: Form a line. Cheap beer and a sympathetic ear.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Police officer · Bart: -You got a liquor license? -My dog ate it.
Bart: My beer, my beer, my beautiful beer!
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Mrs. Glick: You must be Bert Simpson.
Mrs. Glick: I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy.
Mrs. Glick: He was killed in the Great War. Held a grenade too long.
Mrs. Glick as Asa: This one's for you Kaiser Bill, from the boys in D Company: Johnny, Harrison, Brooklyn Bob, and yeah, even Reggie. He ain't so stuck-up once you get to--
Asa Glick: This one's for you Kaiser Bill, from the boys in D Company: Johnny, Harrison, Brooklyn Bob, and yeah, even Reggie. He ain't so stuck-up once you get to--
Asa Glick Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Mrs. Glick: -No, thanks. -Boys love candy!
Mrs. Glick: Filthy, but genuinely arousing.
Mrs. Glick: They've never improved on iodine.
Marge · Bart: -She doesn't have anybody. -There's a reason.
Bart: I'll sludge you, you old bat.
Bart Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bart: Some old lady thing nobody's heard about for 50 years?
Bart Character Comedy Observational Mrs. Glick: It was my wedding dress. But then, I dyed it black and it became my mourning dress.
Bart: No, not the iodine. Burn the germs off with a torch. Amputate my arm. But not the--
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Callback Mrs. Glick · Bart: -Here we are, two quarters. -Two quarters?
Mrs. Glick: All right, off you go to spend it on penny whistles and MoonPies.
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Bart · Homer: -Really? -No.
Bart Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Working's for chumps. I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Comic Book Guy: No way. What do you want? I don't need this. I've got a master's degree in folklore.
Martin · Bart: I'd have thought an atomic bomb would kill him. -Now you know better.
Milhouse · Martin: -It smells like my grandpa. -Turn the page, Bart.
Martin · Bart: I'll take 1 to 3, Milhouse will have 4 to 6... and Bart will take 7 to 9. -Wait a minute, what about zero?
Martin: In the event of a zero... possession will be determined by Rock, Scissor, Paper.
Martin Escalation Character Comedy Bart: Nice try. It almost worked, but tonight the comic book stays here.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Martin: We want it to last forever... so the last one alive can be buried with it.
Martin Dark/Subversive Escalation Bart · Martin: -What do you mean, the last one alive? -I meant years from now!
Bart: Well, nobody makes a sap out of Bartholomew J. Simpson.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Bart · Martin: -Tell him what we do with squealers. -It's worse than when you have to pee?
Bart: It's not that far to the ground. The rains probably softened it up.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Martin: If you hadn't tied me up, I could be saving the comic.
Martin Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Martin: I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sideburns!
Martin Character Comedy Escalation Callback Martin · Bart: -What's your point? -Nothing. It just ticks me off.
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