Bart, Milhouse, and Martin pool their money to buy the new first issue of Radioactive Man, but their investment and their friendship are threatened when they can't agree on who will keep it.
Three-way feud over rare comic escalates from bickering to genuinely dark places.
Directed by Wes Archer · Written by Jeff Martin
WAR
66.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Three Men And A Comic Book” ranks #76 of 226 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.1 — Elite. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Perhaps his materialism led him to take his life.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch -Really? -No.
Bart Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Does Dirk Richter's ghost haunt the bordello where his body was found?
Bart Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort No! Look, we all know that usually when you bug me I give in. I'm not mad at you. Shows you been paying attention.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Working's for chumps. I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Good comics? You only buy Casper the Wimpy Ghost.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Equating friendliness with wimpiness... will keep you from achieving popularity.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch I think Casper's the ghost of Richie Rich. -Hey, they do look alike. -How did Richie die?
Perhaps his materialism led him to take his life.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch He knocks a guy into the sun and says, 'Hot enough for you?'
Bart Wordplay/Pun Observational I stand corrected.
Lisa Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat -Who are you dressed as? -I'm Bartman. -Never heard of him, full price. -Rip-off.
Your spirits have imparted a glow to this old warhorse. I feel like Radiation Man!
That's Radioactive Man, jerk!
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Get that punk's name. No one makes a fool of me.
Has anyone turned in a left Vulcan ear? We've got a utility belt, tricorders, a light saber.... Sorry, kid.
My own idea for a comic book. It's about a dude who drives a school bus by day... but by night, fights vampires in a postapocalyptic war zone!
Otto Character Comedy Absurdist The guy who played Fallout Boy on TV? I guess he wasn't killed in Vietnam.
Bart Dark/Subversive Observational Laramie cigarettes give me the steady nerves I need to combat evil.
Wish I was old enough to smoke Laramies.
Who knows? I did play Rum Tum Tugger in Cats. Anybody see it?
Does Dirk Richter's ghost haunt the bordello where his body was found?
Bart Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Dirk Richter was a beautiful man. Can't you vultures leave him alone?
It is, my lad. But I'll let you have it for 100.
But I must. I never knew why God put me on this Earth. Now, I know. To buy that comic book.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Your emotion is out of place.
I never knew what Superman saw in her. Give me Wonder Woman. And that golden lariat. She can tie me up any time.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline -Homer! -Just kidding, Marge.
You really are a sport, Dad, taking us to a fine restaurant like that.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy For a comic? Who drew it, Micha-malangelo?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Well, T.S.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement No! Look, we all know that usually when you bug me I give in. I'm not mad at you. Shows you been paying attention.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch -Okay! -I win! In your face! Yeah! How do you like them apples?
Don't gloat, Homer.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Reaction Beat When I was your age, I wanted a child-sized electric light bulb oven.
Marge Observational Character Comedy -We'll give you half our allowance. -If you'll be our slave.
-This gives us more free time. -Let's take up smoking.
-She means you should get a job. -Me?
I didn't realize it, but a part of my childhood had slipped away, forever.
Bart Observational Escalation -Shall I apply this to the cost of a squishy? -No. I need the dime.
Apu Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort All those coins were worth three cents? Let the good times roll.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Now you look pathetic.
Lisa Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Form a line. Cheap beer and a sympathetic ear.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy -You got a liquor license? -My dog ate it.
My beer, my beer, my beautiful beer!
Bart Escalation Character Comedy You must be Bert Simpson.
I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy.
He was killed in the Great War. Held a grenade too long.
This one's for you Kaiser Bill, from the boys in D Company: Johnny, Harrison, Brooklyn Bob, and yeah, even Reggie. He ain't so stuck-up once you get to--
This one's for you Kaiser Bill, from the boys in D Company: Johnny, Harrison, Brooklyn Bob, and yeah, even Reggie. He ain't so stuck-up once you get to--
Asa Glick Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch -No, thanks. -Boys love candy!
Filthy, but genuinely arousing.
They've never improved on iodine.
-She doesn't have anybody. -There's a reason.
I'll sludge you, you old bat.
Bart Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Some old lady thing nobody's heard about for 50 years?
Bart Character Comedy Observational It was my wedding dress. But then, I dyed it black and it became my mourning dress.
No, not the iodine. Burn the germs off with a torch. Amputate my arm. But not the--
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Callback -Here we are, two quarters. -Two quarters?
All right, off you go to spend it on penny whistles and MoonPies.
MoonPies, my butt.
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback -Really? -No.
Bart Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Working's for chumps. I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm No way. What do you want? I don't need this. I've got a master's degree in folklore.
I'd have thought an atomic bomb would kill him. -Now you know better.
-It smells like my grandpa. -Turn the page, Bart.
I'll take 1 to 3, Milhouse will have 4 to 6... and Bart will take 7 to 9. -Wait a minute, what about zero?
In the event of a zero... possession will be determined by Rock, Scissor, Paper.
Martin Escalation Character Comedy Nice try. It almost worked, but tonight the comic book stays here.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline We want it to last forever... so the last one alive can be buried with it.
Martin Dark/Subversive Escalation -What do you mean, the last one alive? -I meant years from now!
Well, nobody makes a sap out of Bartholomew J. Simpson.
Bart Character Comedy Escalation -Tell him what we do with squealers. -It's worse than when you have to pee?
It's not that far to the ground. The rains probably softened it up.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement If you hadn't tied me up, I could be saving the comic.
Martin Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sideburns!
Martin Character Comedy Escalation Callback -What's your point? -Nothing. It just ticks me off.
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