Bart Gets An F

Oh, absolutely brilliant! I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin.

-Call me Papa. -Some ketchup for your buns, Papa?

Students, prepare to be dazzled. The name of the book that I read was Treasure Island.

And green birds on their shoulders.

And published by McGraw-Hill. So in conclusion, on a scale of 1 to 10... 10 being the highest, 1 the lowest, and 5 average, I give it... a 9.

Questions? No? Then I'll sit down. Did you read the book? I'm insulted. Is this a book report or a witch hunt?

Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Bluebeard.

-Blah, blah, blah, blah. -Yes, ma'am. -Blah, blah, blah. -Yes, ma'am. -You haven't been paying attention! -Yes, ma'am.

Then what did I say? -Straighten up and fly right? -Lucky guess.

Take that, granny! Hide! Deadly mothballs. Granny's kissing me!

You reached the level of ungrateful grandchild. Try again, if you dare!

-He doesn't care, Mom. -I do. I want a beer while I'm caring.

You did! Well, that's just.... Oh, what a glorious day!

Hand me your paper. I'll put it on the refrigerator. I might as well kill two birds with one stone.

You covered up my paper! Look at those funny little whiskers. That reminds me.

It's Gorilla Week on Million Dollar Movie. No, Dad, I should really-- Gorilla the Conqueror. The granddaddy of them all. Well, maybe just one more hour.

The little tiger tries so hard. Why does he keep failing? Just a little dim, I guess.

Hey, Bart-dude. You look freaked. I got a test I'm not ready for. Can you crash the bus?

Sorry, I can't do it on purpose. But maybe you'll get lucky.

-Name the pilgrim's boat. -The Spirit of St. Louis. -Where'd they land? -Sunny Acapulco. -Why'd they leave England? -Giant rats.

Cool, history's coming alive.

A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth has more chances than you.

-What's the matter, son? -Stabbing pains in my stomach.

-Do you feel pain in your arm? -Both arms. -Temporary loss of vision? -Who said that? Come closer.

I wish I had amoria phlebitis.

What'd you get for number one? Number two? Yeah, that sounds right.

This test is worse than Milhouse's!

Hey, Dr. J.

Look at these results: 55, 42, 26. A 12 on state capitals! Why are we dancing around the obvious? We all know it. I'm dumb as a post.

Look in my eyes. See the sincerity? See the fear? As God is my witness, I can pass the fourth grade!

If not, at least you'll be bigger than the other kids.

Otto, I respect you. You let us throw stuff at cars and try to tip the bus. Damn thing never goes over, does it?

I got held back in the fourth grade. Twice. And look at me, man. Now I drive the school bus!

I got a peptic ulcer, my wife wants a new car and I need a root canal. Quit bugging me about the pirate.

-Long John Silver, Dad. -I heard that, Bart Jr. I want to see both of you after class.

I'm sorry, Bart. I don't know the rules of your sport. I didn't want to interfere with a ball in play.

They laugh at me? I'd always considered myself rather popular.

My speed with numbers, my years as a hall monitor... my prize-winning dioramas, they mean nothing to them?

No, this won't do at all. We have to clean up this room. And we'll need a fern. No room is complete without plant life.

Mischief varies inversely with proximity to the authority figure.

Mischief varies inversely with proximity to the authority figure.

Yeah, but don't say it like that.

Pushing a boy into the girls' lavatory was such a thrill! The screams, the humiliation, the fact that it wasn't me!

The old Martin no longer exists. Come on, fellows, to the arcade!

Prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Thanking you in advance, your pal, Bart Simpson.

-He's Bill. -He's Marty. We can't get enough of each other.

Whoa! Good morning, world!

I don't know who or what God is exactly. But he's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together. And you owe him big.

I hereby declare this day to be Snow Day... the funnest day in the history of Springfield!

Look, everybody! It's snowing! -In the middle of July? -It's a miracle. I've invented something fun. The sled.

-In the middle of July? -It's a miracle. I've invented something fun. The sled.

Look, John Hancock's writing his name in the snow!

I know. Another year together. It's gonna be hell.

Now I know how Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity in 1754. You know, 1754. The famous defeat to the French.

-My God, Bart, you're right! -So? You demonstrated applied knowledge. Such an obscure reference deserves an extra point. It's only fair.

I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! l-- Kissed the teacher?!

Thanks, Dad, but part of this D minus belongs to God.