Bart will be visited by many of his past girlfriends.
WAR
56.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Moonshine River” ranks #231 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.4 — Elite. The episode packs 69 scored jokes at 3.6 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Lisa: But as soon as they get to know the real you, they departo de Barto
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Callback Callback Mary: there'll be other Mary Spucklers, including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right
Mary Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Cletus: Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint.
Cletus Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: I didn't say I swapped our house.
Homer Dark/Subversive Misdirection Cletus: Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't.
Cletus Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback All Jokes — 69 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Kent Brockman: which, like all our town showcase events, is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed.
Unknown: The Making of the Empire State Building, Part One: The Basement.
Marge · Homer: Homer, we can buy Scotch tape tomorrow. There's the gap!
Homer: Apparently, today is also the final stage of the Tour De Springfield bike race.
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Kent Brockman: Truthfully, today, there were no losers and no winners since both finish lines were tangled up in this unholy mess.
Kent Brockman: Well, uh, let's, uh, all start tapping our toes to the sounds of Scab Calloway and his non-union band.
Milhouse: Meaningless friend thing. True love super date!
Milhouse Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Bart: it'll look something like this [baby visual]
Bart Visual Gag Cringe/Discomfort Milhouse: Don't listen to Uncle Bart. Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love.
Milhouse Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Bart: Dance with me, please. I need to zing my sister.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Bart: Okay, but you have to do your homework. Just kidding. I've given up on that.
Bart Character Comedy Misdirection Bart: Just move your girdle, Yertle.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Hey, Lise, your dance partner just made the cover Dorks Illustrated magazine. I know that's a zing, but still... the cover!
Bart Setup/Punchline Meta/Self-Referential Milhouse: Please let there be a 'but' coming, please! But... Landed it!
Milhouse Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Bart: Hey, plenty of babes have docked in Porta de Barto.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Lisa: But as soon as they get to know the real you, they departo de Barto
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Callback Callback Lisa: Yeah, for about a week. But as soon as they get to know the real you, they departo de Barto.
Lisa Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Callback Homer: If the late, great Nora Ephron taught us anything, it's... Oh! What's my other inflatable doll doing here?
Homer Misdirection Dark/Subversive Bart: Three days. One recess. Half a field trip.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Bart: Boy, if anyone needs me, I'll be taking a popcorn bath. It's a thing I read about in a Men's Health magazine in a dream.
Homer: Look in the mirror, unplanned miracle.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Marge: All right, who took the microwave?
Marge Visual Gag Observational Homer: Hey, it's me again. He's there, isn't he? Well, I hope this doesn't sound weird, but I'm inside your closet.
Homer Escalation Dark/Subversive Various ex-girlfriends: Eat my shorts! Drop dead. Eat fist, jerk. You've got a lot of nerve showing up here... and not giving me a kiss.
Cletus: Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint.
Cletus Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Cletus · Bart: Prove it. A, B, C... All right. All right. You convinced me, Einstein.
Brandine · Old Man Wellbottom: She ran away after we engaged her to Old Man Wellbottom. And I was gonna be a good husband, too! If'n I ever get out of this well.
Cletus: New York? That's where Sesame Street is. Do you ever wonder what happens to Oscar on garbage day?
Cletus Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Cletus's daughter: Daddy just covers things with hay and says they're done.
Mary: 'Cause the floor ain't finished. Daddy just covers things with hay and says they're done.
Mary Observational Character Comedy Homer · Marge: And $500 for Yankee tickets, which turn out to be bogus. Well, don't buy 'em. But they're playing the Purple Sox.
Homer: Now, that your two least favorite buildings Old Penn Station and Shea Stadium. Lousy, outdated relics!
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational Homer: Keep your meat hooks off my sister Marge or my goons will do a soft show on your solar plexus.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Marge · Homer: Homer, that sounds like The Sweet Smell of Success. It didn't feel like success.
Homer: I didn't say I swapped our house.
Homer Dark/Subversive Misdirection Ned Flanders · Homer: Lord, you're testing me, aren't you? Yeah, keep talking to your friend up there. We'll be doing it on your bed. New York style.
Lisa · Homer: Fievel was a mouse in a movie. Yes, and now look at us. Only in America.
Vendor: 50,000 square feet, huh? All Khlav Kalash! Used to be bookstore. Books.
Vendor Observational Dark/Subversive Unknown · Unknown: You know you're missing your clothes? I thought this was just a dream.
Cab Driver: Anything you leave in a cab you'll never see again.
Homer: Which is that love doesn't exist, except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kind of hates you but you can't get it together to leave.
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Mary: I'm a featured player on Saturday Night Live. Aw, I'm lying. My whole life here is a bunch of lies. I'm just a writer with a performing option.
Mary Escalation Observational Theater Employee: Okay, second balcony, partially obstructed view, no bathroom privileges and you must stipulate that, in emergencies, you can change a spotlight shell.
Bart · Homer · Mary: Plus, I thought I might get to see an air conditioner fall on someone's head. But I guess that never really... D'oh! Ow! What was that?! Is that your father?
Bart · Homer: Plus, I thought I might get to see an air conditioner fall on someone's head. But I guess that never really... D'oh! Ow! What was that?!
Mary · Homer: We're safe because you have to climb steps to get up here. Can't move? No.
Mary Homer Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick Callback Homer Observational Character Comedy Marge · Lisa: No, Lisa! If you click that turnstile, it'll blow our budget! Aah! Whaah!
Mary: Well, without them around, you and I can walk through the city holding hands, just like the menfolk do.
Mary Observational Character Comedy Bart: Rolling on my skateboard, pimping like a drug lord...
Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Bart: Rolling on my skateboard, pimping like a drug lord... [rap interruption]
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Cletus: That's 'cause the donkey busted her jaw. She'll be fine. Your mother too.
Cletus Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Audience Member: That's not iambic pentameter!
Baldwin Brothers · Sheen/Estevez: You guys suck at acting and you ate all the potato salad. No, you suck at acting and it's first come, first serve! I made that potato salad! Well, uh, idiot, it says Zaybar's on the package! He works at Zaybar's.
Drum circle leader: Faster, man! More annoying!
Actor: Well, my only professional job was playing a nefarious hot dog in an ad for Taco Bueno. You fresh-made tacos will never defeat pre-boiled hot dogs!
Actor Character Comedy Absurdist Actor: Please, I owe Yale Drama School $200,000. They keep calling my mother.
Actor Observational Cringe/Discomfort Police Officer: Those the people who took over the theatre? Pepper spray and power wash-- the New York hug and kiss.
Al Roker · Bart: Here you go, little fan. Killer storm on the way. Um, I gonna go try to sell this. I'll buy it back.
Mary: there'll be other Mary Spucklers, including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right.
Mary Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Mary: there'll be other Mary Spucklers, including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right
Mary Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Mary: Bart, if any girl tries to fix you, let 'em, because you got a couple of big problems. But mostly, you're great!
Mary Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Mary: you got a couple of big problems. But mostly, you're great!
Mary Character Comedy Misdirection Bart: I can't because Mary's the girl that proves that girls can like me. And she wouldn't like me anymore if I gave her up. So I won't, even if you torture me like you do the English language.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Cletus: Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't.
Cletus Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Cletus: Uh, one on-getter for the clickity clack, please.
Cletus Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer · Director: No kidding. I saw your reviews. Hey! I specifically said, no critics!
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