Poppas Got A Brand New Badge

Homer:D'oh!

Homer:So hot. So sticky.

Apu:Ah, the old folks. It happens every heat wave.

Apu · Elderly customers:Okay, people, out of my freezer! But we're hot and elderly! I'm sorry, these are reserved for the recently deceased.

Principal Skinner:This air conditioning is better than any truant officer. I'm seeing students I haven't seen in years.

Barney:We're wasting more energy than Ricky Martin's girlfriend. Hey-oh!

Mayor Quimby:Gentlemen, our city's sucking down the juice like my wife at an open bar.

Mr. Burns:We've siphoned off extra power from the orphanage. Who are they going to complain to? Their parents?

Homer:Lisa, if we start conserving, the environmentalists win!

Homer:Every time Santa and I get together, it's a disaster.

Homer:I heard tonight they have Ed Bradley versus Mister Ed.

Moe · Barney:I got some yuppie jerkoff headed right for me, yakking away on his cell phone. I hear that. I got some big shot barreling down on me. Hey! Who are you talking to? Your boyfriend? Hey, jackass! Your voice sounds familiar!

Bart · Milhouse:I don't hear an alarm. Let's take stuff. Whoa! Isn't that stealing? No, it's just looting. Sweet. Let's go nuts.

Bart:Mannequins. You can't buy these!

Kent Brockman · Arnie Pie:I think what the viewers want to know, Arnie, is, is my house okay? You mean, is your giant castle okay, Kent? Don't hate me because I bought at the right time, Arnie.

Homer:Oh, no! They're stealing the tire fire!

Sideshow Bob:Finally, some repression.

Chief Wiggum · Eddie:All right, everyone! Disperse immediately! We are prepared to use force! What, what? We're not prepared, Eddie?

Otto:Someone call 911. Oh, they never come.

Homer:Look at those looters breaking windows, setting fires! They're living my dream, and you won't let me join them!

Homer · Marge:Please, can I throw one little... No. What if I just burn down a... No. Can I at least incite further... No.

Homer · Marge:Can I have a beer? All right. But not the imported. Homer? You've got to set limits, Marge. No beer!

Comic Book Guy:Get your T-shirts here! 'I survived the Springfield riot!'

Sea Captain:This be a superball.

Grampa · Crowd:We called them men. I agree with the hideous crone! Yeah! Hear, hear! She's ugly!

Chief Wiggum:Oh, sure. Blame the victims.

Crowd:A committee? Did he say blue-ribbon? Committees don't get any better than that. Man, am I appeased.

Moe:Yeah. Wiggum couldn't catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party.

Homer:Oh! Seriously, everyone says your parties rock.

Homer:I won't feel guilty until I can put a human face on this.

Homer · Marge:Marge, doesn't Lisa have a human face? Yes, and she's crying.

Homer:They couldn't catch a cold with a cold-catching thing.

Homer:See, when you don't use Milhouse, it's hard. I love this kid.

Homer · Bart:See, when you don't use Milhouse, it's hard. I love this kid.

Lisa:Dad, that's Bart.

Homer:Look at him over there, eating that apple. What's he planning? What?

Teenage Boy · Homer:I think they demean women! Well, think again, son. You're going to juvie. But I just got out of juvie. Good! 'Cause I need directions.

Homer:I felt like a big man pushing that kid around!

Homer:Cheese! That's muy picante!

Homer:You know, I've had a lot of jobs. Boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country-western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and missionary.

Homer:Finally, a way to combine my love of helping people with my love of hurting people!

Homer:You'll do as I say, or I'll have your badges! Once I make and give you your badges.

TV Commercial:A monster! Is this you? If it is, don't dial 911. Simply dial 636-555-3472.

TV Commercial:Friend? The only friend you need is SpringShield.

TV Commercial:Monster put in wallet.

Homer:Green vegetables and homework.

Homer · Marge:I didn't know my chin went that far up. Oh, yeah, that's the pride.

Homer · Marge:Even dessert? Dessert is three desserts.

Mayor Quimby:Behind these doors are the finest cops ever to wriggle into size-46 pants.

Chief Wiggum:Wiggum? Am I getting warmer?

Homer:Oh, wait. It was better the other way. Police? Uh-oh.

Otis:You can let me go, but I'll just keep exposing myself at the mall.

Homer:What a character.

Lisa · Homer:Dad, make him stop! Well, according to this, he's telling the truth.

Homer:One of these ferrets is wearing a wire.

Fat Tony:You're not a pet and you're not a friend. You're nothing to me.

Ralph · Chief Wiggum:Daddy, how come you're not at work? I don't know. How come you're not at school? My teacher says she's tired of trying. Yeah, well, so am I, Ralphie. So am I.

Homer:Last year, I was Jar Jar Binks.

Dr. Hibbert:Oh! Well, I'd love to help you, Homer, but I have too darn much to live for. I just discovered Thai food.

Comic Book Guy:I'd help you, but I have yet to kiss a human girl.

Comic Book Guy:And I've got a TiVo full of unwatched Dharma and Gregs.

Barney:Sorry, Homer. I'm a coward now, like all recovering alcoholics.

Homer:In one car? With no air conditioning? And the little poop machine going every 20 minutes?

Johnny Tightlips:I ain't sayin' nothin'. Who says I have a mother?

Marge:I mean, you could be a pizza man, organ grinder, leaning-tower maker, and did I say pizza man?

Fat Tony:You are listing my broken dreams.

Homer:I finally did a job where I wasn't lazy, stupid, or corrupt and now I'm going to get killed for it.

Homer:Yeah. You can kill me, but someone will take my place. And if you kill him, someone will take his place. And that's pretty much the end of it. The town will be yours.

Johnny Tightlips · Homer:I see a lot of things. You know, you could be a little more helpful.

Chief Wiggum:That's funny. Because this is how I got the job the first time.

Chief Wiggum:Hell, they would've taken my squad car if I hadn't hid it under some hay.

Homer:She's just like Clark Kent. When there's lots of excitement, she's nowhere to be found.