Krusty grudgingly adds a pretty, singing cohost named Princess Penelope to his show in order to attract more female viewers. Girls love her, and ratings improve, but Bart and Milhouse want to get the show back to the way it was. The situation gets more complicated when Krusty and Penelope fall in love and decide to get married. Meanwhile, Homer, Lenny, and Carl consider working at a competing nuclear plant when Mr. Burns cuts off their daily doughnut service.
WAR
31.9
Wins Above Replacement
“Once Upon A Time In Springfield” ranks #394 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.5 — Great. The episode packs 58 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Krusty landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Krusty: Princess, you're the only woman I care about enough to ditch at the altar.
Krusty Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Krusty: Funny suicides, but still.
Krusty Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Bart · Krusty: One of Look magazine's hundred most-promising clowns of 1958. / A lot of suicides in that group.
Mr. Burns: These doughnuts were made the old-fashioned way: the dough is sweetened with Cuban sugar from pre-Batista plantations, then it's deep-fried in the tallow of three different animals, two of which are now extinct.
Homer: jellies rubbing elbows with cream-filled, the masculine contours of the box juxtaposed with the feminine curves of the treats themselves
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 58 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Sideshow Mel: Don't worry. I'll put out the flames. / Oops! I used the wrong end.
Krusty · Marge: Hilarious! / I don't like this. Real humor comes from people being nice to each other.
Homer · Homer: There's nothing funnier than a good old bonk on the head. / I concur. D'oh!
Homer Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Krusty: please hand back all the hats, toys, and savings bonds I passed out during the taping
Krusty Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Krusty: if my writers knew how to appeal to girls, they wouldn't be writers
Krusty Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Network Executive: Then we've got an entire reality show all set to pick the new you
Krusty: Hey, hey! I'm non-union!
Krusty Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Krusty: Make it exactly like the other crap on your network, but just let me stay!
Krusty Cringe/Discomfort Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Comic Book Guy: Some rainbow-- there's no violet.
Comic Book Guy: Hey, don't listen to me! What do I know about rainbows?
Homer: jellies rubbing elbows with cream-filled, the masculine contours of the box juxtaposed with the feminine curves of the treats themselves
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Marge: Why didn't you try to stop him? / I did, once.
Marge Marge Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: Until Mr. Roosevelt's New Deal starts working, this country's still in a depression
Mr. Burns: I'm spending a fortune on atoms
Lenny: Yeah, like the ceiling furniture.
Lenny Visual Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch Carl: Or all the joke ID badges we order.
Carl Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Krusty: The network 'geniuses' with the ink still drying on their MBAs
Krusty Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Bart: I can't keep watching this dreck.
Bart Reaction Beat Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: First, girls ruined Sex and the City. Now this.
Lisa: You can see the strap on the horn.
Lisa Observational Deadpan/Understatement Moe: Easy there, Habitrail.
Moe Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Barney: I think that's the best thing 'cause then you can say, 'Well, there's nothing we can do about it.'
Barney Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Moe: You want to 'buy a round?' I heard about that in bartending school, but I never seen it happen.
Moe Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: I guess these days, headhunters can be anything.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational Gator: now that all the protesters who marched in front of nuclear power plants are dying off from radiation poisoning
Gator Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Gator: Are these business cards or passports to a better future? / Those are business cards.
Krusty: Girls don't laugh, and they don't buy cigars.
Krusty Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Breathin' all this stuff can't be good.
Bart Observational Reaction Beat Bart: He's become the lowest form of life: a sidekick.
Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Bart · Marge: Do you want to come in and get your sister with me? / Hell, no. / Watch your language. Now, why the hell not?
Bart: Why are great things always ruined by women? The Army, the Fantastic Four.
Bart Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart: Think how awesome American Idol would be with just Simon and Randy.
Bart Observational Meta/Self-Referential Marge: Oh, Bart, you say that now. But when you're grown up, you'll just think it.
Marge Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Krusty: One of Look magazine's hundred most-promising clowns of 1958. / A lot of suicides in that group.
Krusty: Funny suicides, but still.
Krusty Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Krusty: Oh, why do clown things always happen to clowns?
Krusty Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Gary Larson: Man, a lion would not want to see that on his X-ray.
Penelope: I wasn't popular because I was more beautiful and friendly than everyone else
Penelope Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Announcer: Welcome to the Krusty and Princess Penelope Smoochie-Poo I Love You Hour. No laughs, just hugs and cuddles.
Krusty: 'Cause I got a girlfriend under 33...
Krusty Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Audience member: I walked 19 miles for this?
Homer: I don't care what anyone says. Massages are relaxing.
Homer Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Mr. Burns: Comparing me to old Draco, eh?
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart · Milhouse: Milhouse Van Houten, will you do me the honor of ruining Krusty's wedding with me? / Oh, Bart, this is all happening so fast. Let's call my mom together.
Mr. Burns: These doughnuts were made the old-fashioned way: the dough is sweetened with Cuban sugar from pre-Batista plantations, then it's deep-fried in the tallow of three different animals, two of which are now extinct.
Worker · Worker · Mr. Burns: One of these every day might kill us. / Can we get a health plan to go with them? / Sure, you can have a health plan... or two doughnuts a day.
Entertainment reporter: Move over, Brangelina. Take a back seat, Queen Latifarod. Because today belongs to 'Krustelope.'
Entertainment reporter: Her actual name is: Penelope Mountbatten Hapsburg Hohenzollern Mulan-Pocahontas.
Wedding Officiant: to marry a Jew and a... Congregationalist-- is that even a thing?
Bart: I locked him in the Torah room.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Holly Hippie · Krusty: He wouldn't let me watch the moon landing. / I was jealous of Neil Armstrong.
Bart · Eartha Kitt recording · Eartha Kitt recording: They were only married for six hours, but she still hated Krusty. / He was asleep for five of those hours. / And the one he was awake, was a cat-tastrophe.
Krusty · Krusty: And that's why I can't marry you. / This kid and his ugly sister are right.
Krusty: Princess, you're the only woman I care about enough to ditch at the altar.
Krusty Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Krusty: Ah, I'd rather be a happy schnook than a noble shlumpf.
Krusty Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons
