Barting Over

Homer:D'oh! Ah!

Ornette Coleman · Arthur Miller:We're not worthy. We're not worthy.

Marge:Well, here's another low-rated annual event: spring-cleaning

Marge:You've gotta get rid of those Furbys. They've turned feral.

Furbys:[FURBYS GROWLING]

Homer:Ooh! Mad Libs.

Bart:Hey, Lis, think you're well-adjusted?

Lisa:Every tape is pumpkin carving

Bart:If I ever needed proof of the existence of God, here it is.

Balki:What? You never heard of flush dance?

Commercial chorus:CHORUS [SINGING]: He's the baby Whose mouth smells like death Run for your life It's Baby Stink-Breath

Bart:This isn't 'Bart Sad.' It's 'Bart's Ad.'

Commercial narrator:These soothing patches alter your baby's DNA... while leaving the RNA untouched.

Marge:I was going to tell you on my deathbed.

Homer:La-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia.

Homer:I needed it. I had to buy back some incriminating photos.

Homer:I know this looks bad, but if you reverse it, Daddy's a hero.

Homer:That's okay. His cute little hands can't even fit around my neck. He-- [YELLING] Now he's got it.

Marge:Bart, the larynx is not a plaything.

Homer:When you're 17, I'm gonna know the end is near... so I'm gonna work you like a dog.

Milhouse:When my mom wants to get back at my dad, she uses her lawyer. - Does it make him cry? - More than normal.

Bart:Badger, Haggle and Bill... Luvum and Burnham, Family Law... Hackey, Joke and Dunnit

Bart · Homer:Good point, Dad. What would Jesus do? Jesus? I thought it was Geppetto. Aw, pfft.

Process server · Homer:It comes with a side of bacon. - Is it crispy? - Yes. - But not too crispy? - No.

Homer:Don't you like being a dude?

Marge:I wanted a sewing room but not like this. Not like this.

Homer:Hey, my dad was lousy and I didn't sue him. I just dumped him in the cheapest home I could find.

Grandpa Simpson:Hey. My IV is empty. And my catheter is full.

Bart · Court clerk:Here and here. Let the records show that he pulled out the pockets of the doll.

Homer:Why, you little ... Uh, I'm sorry, judge. That's a rare lapse in my normally calm demeanor.

Court stenographer · Homer:Why, you little ... Why, you little ... Why, you little ...

Homer · Judge:Whoo-hoo! You're still mine. And you thought I was a bad dad before ... --except in this case.

Judge:That boy's about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack.

Homer:Half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife. What's left for Moe?

Homer:I was told this would be televised!

Lisa · Bart:Do you even know what a loft is? - No. I assume it has hay.

Lisa · Bart:Here's something to remember me by. - Ow! - Indian burn. - Look at it. Aw, that's so sweet. If I did it right, it's permanent.

Homer:I'll let you swear in the house. Everything but the big three.

Taxi driver:Either give me some of that or let's get going.

Homer:That's right. Crawling on your knees. [GRUNTING] Crawling!

Neighbor:MAN: Be quiet in there! Some of us are trying to sell drugs!

Homer · Lisa:Attaboy, we just won the World Series. You and me together, yeah. [LAUGHS] [SCREAMS] He should've done that with the real Bart when he had the chance.

Milhouse:Boy, I wish I was a free man. Mom. Where's Puppy Goo Goo?

Bart:Now, calm down. I'm perfectly safe. Murder's illegal in this state.

Tony Hawk:Oh, wait. That's my old phone number. [SNAPS]

Tony Hawk · Blink-182:Hey, Blink-182. - We have names. - Whatever. You can crank it up.

Homer:Of all the sites on all the web, I had to click onto his.

Homer:Ha, ha, did you see that? Your mom thinks you're still here.

Homer:It's taught me how to love and care for a child. [COOS] What the...? Where the hell is my sugar?

Moe:Condoleezza Marie ain't too playful tonight. And I don't remember her being this granulated.

Bart · Lisa · Tony Hawk:Cool guy, Tony Hawk. - Bart, you know Tony Hawk? Please, I'm trying to keep it quiet. Catch you later, Tony Hawk. Stay cool, Brett.

Drug dealer:Here's $5. Buy yourself a suit and get busy. I'll buy a suit... of drugs! [LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Bart:And for every syringe I find, I get a dollar.

Bart:Don't worry. They're clip-ons.

Ned Flanders · Party guest:Behold the delightful unicorn I got at the face painting pavilion. Dude, that was a tattoo parlor.

Homer · Tony Hawk:An extreme word? Sure. [SHOUTING] My son is Bart Simpson and--! I didn't say extreme to the max.

Homer:Yeah, I make up words too.

Homer:I'm challenging you, Hawk... in front of all these outcasts and dreamers... who can't even get into the Army, if you can believe it.

Marge · Lisa:I can't count how many times... your father's done something crazy like this. It's 300, Mom. I could've sworn it was 302.

Homer:You know, I could save money by buying separate nuts... and mixing them at home.

Bart:This was never about being cool, it was about you not caring how I felt.

Homer · Tony Hawk:Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid. Homer, you're heading for parental face-plant. Do a 180 emotional ollie.

Homer:Well, I am bald and important. Where do I sign?

Homer · Bart:What did they say about my scalp? - Don't worry, Dad. it's a commercial. No one will remember this in 50 years.