Pray Anything

Homer:Yeah. Well, nachos are nachos.

Bart:Whoa, check out Janeane Giraffalo.

Homer:Szechwan, eh? No wonder she's so spicy. [GROWLS]

Marge:Bart, you're a little young to be growling at 7-foot Chinese ladies.

Lisa:She showed little girls everywhere that they can grow up to be 6'5".

Lisa Leslie · Fan · Lisa Leslie:I think you mean I have game. Try to speak correctly. / You go, girl. / Yes, I will depart lest your bad grammar rub off on me.

Announcer:Now, here's something for the men to dribble over.

Homer:Oh, I can see her logo and everything.

Homer:Oh, darn it. Swish was everything I'm not. Put the head back on.

Bart:The Cowgirls versus The She-gles. Heh.

Homer:Oh, sure. Speed walking, ballroom dancing...rhythmic gymnastics, extreme choir.

Homer · Event Staff · Homer:Can't we just pretend you're really a girl? / Well, for how long? / For the rest of our lives.

Ned Flanders:I'm donating this whole check to Bibles for Belgians.

Team Owner:I'm crazy as a crap-house rat for philanthropy.

Ned Flanders:That cuts the mustard with me.

Homer:Oh, it's not fair. I always wanted to drive a food-shaped car.

Homer:How come all the good things happen to Jesus H. Nice? By which I mean Flanders.

Marge:That's because you keep passing out on our lawn.

Ned Flanders:and flossing my teeth, tail and toes.

Ken Burns:They so consumed my life...I never had time for a proper haircut.

Homer:Oh, merciful God...who has blessed mankind with two kinds of clam chowder...help me find the remote.

Ken Burns:I've never actually been to a baseball game. The fresh air gives me hives.

Homer:From now on, I'll pray till my hands are chapped and bleeding.

Homer:Oh, Lord. Please guide that diaper into someone's schnoz.

Homer:Vengeful God, loving God. Vengeful God, loving God.

Carl:Whose banana you gotta peel to get a 5.9? Pfft!

Homer:I am reminded of Colonel Sanders who is now seated at your right hand...shoveling popcorn chicken into thy mouth.

Homer:Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend: fudge.

Marge:Homer, God isn't some kind of holy concierge.

Homer:Lord, please use your space-age clog-busting powers on this stubborn drain...then take some time off for yourself. Fly to France, have dinner.

Homer:Marge, he's way the hell up there.

Plumber:Your pipes have more roots than the list of all time top-rated TV shows.

Plumber:You was hiding behind the drywall. Yes, you were. I'm glad social services didn't see this. Yes, I am.

Homer:If you could fix my house...or make a new house from one of my ribs.

Larry H. Lawyer Jr.:I'm Larry H. Lawyer, Junior. And I will fight for you. I also habla Español.

Homer:I couldn't help it. Those pews are so comfortable.

Testimonial Client:He got me $60,000. And I was driving drunk in a graveyard.

Ned Flanders:It's his skull. It's hypnotic.

Judge:She was run over by a clergyman.

Jury:Ha, ha, Your Honor, we the jury find that to be America's Funniest Home Video. Back to you, Bob Saget.

Jury Foreman:Ha, ha, Your Honor, we the jury find that to be America's Funniest Home Video. Back to you, Bob Saget.

Church Lawyer:We're not a synagogue.

Homer:He's not giving it to me. God is because I prayed for it.

Lisa · Homer:Dad, I think this might be the work of Satan. / It's all good.

Lisa:Aw, he thinks he's papal.

AA Member:If it weren't for Alcoholics Anonymous...I'd still be sucking the juice out of glow sticks.

AA Member:Saint Pauli Girl's Cathedral.

Homer:by throwing the bitchingest beer bash this church has ever seen.

Carl · Lenny:Wow, Homer, this is like a party Dick Clark would throw. Yeah. Fun, but not too fun.

Carl · Homer:Wow, Homer, this is like a party Dick Clark would throw. / Yeah. Fun, but not too fun.

Reverend Lovejoy:Dr. Hibbert, must you play the claw machine?

Marge:Particularly the part about the pin in the gutter on lane 15.

Reverend Lovejoy:There's no place for me here.

Reverend Lovejoy:It looks like God has packed up and left Springfield.

Arnie Pie:Do I have a magic lens that can see into people's souls? Well, yours would be black, Kent. Black as the ace of spades.

Comic Book Guy:Would you believe a pigeon stuffed with Spam? A rat filled with cough drops?

Carl · Homer:CARL: Hey, Lenny, covet some more chili fries? That's it. The whole shebang.

Ned:Speaking in tongues, what great kids.

Moe · Barney:Ha, ha, read them and strip, Barn. Uh-uh-uh-uh. Slowly. Make me forget my troubles.

Barney · Homer:Yeah, and some of them's gotta be chicks. Yeah, with, like, a thousand boobs.

Barney:On Dasher, on Dancer. Man, I must be wasted.

Homer:Thank you, God. Now, turn the rainwater into wine.

Ned Flanders:Hey, hey, hey. Cut that out.

Mob · Mob Member:Yeah. I say we skin him alive and set him on fire. / Yeah, that'll appease God.

Reverend Lovejoy:They were misled by a demon in blue pants.

Lisa · Buddha:I don't know. Buddha? Hey, they've suffered enough.

God:Keep that popcorn chicken coming, colonel.