Marge gets her kitchen remodeled and the dishes she makes inside it get rave reviews. The suggestion of Ned Flanders leads her to enter a cooking contest. However, Marge realizes the competition is harder than it seems. Meanwhile, Bart finds Homer's vintage Playdude magazines and decides to adopt the lifestyle he sees within the articles.
WAR
46.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Alls Fair In Oven War” ranks #367 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.0 — Great. The episode packs 76 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Marge landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Well, it's better they hear it from me now... than from their parents when they're old enough.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: Because we're poor? Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids.
Homer: Why would I want to look at a nude woman I'm not even married to? I wouldn't even know how she could improve me.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: A walk-in microwave! Hey, Marge, can you press 'stop' when my popcorn's done?
Homer Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Homer: Those guys are the biggest crooks around. They charge for materials and labor! Pick one, jerks!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy All Jokes — 76 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Blackula · Black Dracula: I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink. You mean a honky rink!
TV Announcer: You know, Black Dracula is now a Congressman from Virginia.
Bart: Check it out. I'm a business jerk!
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Marge, I don't want to buy this house. I'd have to live next door to myself.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Neighbor · Marge: Turn that down! Screw you! Relax, we're just looky-loos.
Homer: Marge, It's not fair to compare us to an American household.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: A slightly colder fridge? In my lifetime?
Homer Observational Character Comedy Marge: Ooh, a bread maker-maker!
Marge Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Homer: A walk-in microwave! Hey, Marge, can you press 'stop' when my popcorn's done?
Homer Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Homer: Those guys are the biggest crooks around. They charge for materials and labor! Pick one, jerks!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Man, that hurt. And now to do the exact same thing again.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Marge: Playdude magazines? Have you been hiding bosom rags from me?
Marge Character Comedy Observational Homer · Marge: But I need them for the articles! Les articles?
Homer: Why would I want to look at a nude woman I'm not even married to? I wouldn't even know how she could improve me.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge: 'I'm not wearing any clothes... So why don't I just splay myself on a pool table'?
Marge Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Homer: 'Sport Fishing with Sonny Jurgensen.'
Homer Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm Marge: What man would want you now?
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Milhouse: Playdudes! Let the blossoming of Milhouse begin.
Milhouse Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Milhouse: I gotta be honest, I don't see what all the hubbub is about.
Milhouse · Bart: She can Calamine my hives anytime. That's Congresswoman Bella Abzug.
Bart · Milhouse: Then we could have orgies, whatever they are. We'll be Playdude Playmates! We are Playdude Playmates!
Marge · Homer: I think you used too much plaster. Oh, now you tell me. I never stopped telling you. So that's what that white noise was.
Contractor: Many husbands feel emasculated when their wife must turn to a professional to satisfy her remodeling needs.
Contractor · Italian Subcontractor: I'm gay. But I have a subcontractor that does that sort of thing for me. I like-a to kiss.
Contractor: When Virginia Woolf wrote, 'Every woman needs a room of one's own,' she must have been talking about the kitchen.
Homer · Marge: How 'bout cooking up some money... because this stupid kitchen cost $100,000. I was thinking of chicken wings. Those are good too.
Marge: meatloaf, casserole, tuna loaf, loaferole, casseloaf
Marge Wordplay/Pun Escalation Thomas Pynchon: These wings are 'V-licious!' I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook, right next to The Frying of Latke 49.
Ned Flanders: but up against you, I wouldn't have a Hindu's chance in heaven.
Apu: Or my new dream of ditching my family and sneaking back to India in disguise. Apu? Never heard of him. My name is Steve Barnes.
Apu Character Comedy Escalation Milhouse · Bart: this music will get a stewardess to give you a layover. I hope it's in Omaha. My grammy lives there.
Marge: It's deep-fried cookie dough with meringue buns, cherry 'ketchup' and caramel 'mustard.'
Marge: It's dessert, but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you!
Marge Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Marge, I don't want to freak you out, but I think I love you.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Letter/Ovenfresh: but screw them, you're in! Congratulations!
Marge: Someone somewhere says I'm better than someone else!
Marge Character Comedy Observational Chief Wiggum · Ralph: I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious. You only had a pretend bite. No, I'm eating it. Look.
Ralph · Chief Wiggum: Can you taste the thumbtacks? Crap.
Bart: Nelson, your debonair wit reminds me of a young Mort Sahl.
Bart Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart: Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. I'm throwin' a little sip 'n' quip at the Playdude Treehouse Saturday night at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square.
Bart · Martin: I'm throwin' a little sip 'n' quip at the Playdude Treehouse Saturday night at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square. I want to be a triangle. You're not invited.
Billy Bouillon Cube · Kent Brockman: Don't look at my human eyes! His oven light's on, but nothing's cooking.
Stuart: You're making a 'tasty fake'? That is so '90s. Why don't we all move to Seattle and use slow modems?
James Caan: Turns out he's choking on a peanut. Well, a punch to the gut cleared that right up.
Bart · Edna Krabappel · Skinner: I don't, but I hope you win. Oh, he's going to win. Some guys like a challenge. Not me.
Auntie Ovenfresh 1954: Ribbons and trophies are no comfort on your deathbed.
Luigi: I was, uh, how you say, 'ruining your food so I win,'
Luigi Character Comedy Escalation Marge: Why is everyone at this bakeoff such a meanie-bo-beanie?
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Comic Book Guy: These muffin-huffin' batter biddies can smell weakness a mile away... weakness named Marge!
Lovejoy · Mrs. Muntz: and the punchline implied that they fornicated! Ralphie wants to go on the pill!
Chief Wiggum: Ralphie wants to go on the pill!
Homer: Bagpipes getting down with an octopus... That's classic.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Lisa · Marge: You feed us on $12 a week? I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust.
Marge: I'd like to give those Betty Crookeds a taste of their own medicine. Yes... medicine. Baby ear medicine.
Marge Escalation Character Comedy Marge: Even the Pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot of things slide these days.
Marge Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Stuart: Even the Pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot of things slide these days.
Stuart Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa · Bart: But she'll still win the contest? And lose her soul. But win the contest? Yes.
Lisa · Twinkle the Kidd: You... killed him. He was my world! Blood for creme!
Marge · Brandine: That's an entry?! I thought it was garbage. Just 'cause it was cooked in a garbage can don't make it garbage.
Milhouse · Bart: but most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes. Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.
Homer: Yeah, and your father's 'No House'. Now scram.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bart · Homer: Hi-fis, Norman Mailer, gettin' some... what do you think 'some' is? Uh... toys?
Bart · Homer: Because we're poor? Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids.
Homer: Well, it's better they hear it from me now... than from their parents when they're old enough.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge: What a kind yet oddly ominous thing to say.
Marge: Lisa, the people in this bakeoff are stinkers... who pushed me and pushed me like the pushy-wushies they are!
Marge · Lisa: Look, I'll be a winner with feet of clay... like Mickey Mantle. Everyone loves the Mick. I don't want Mickey Mantle. I want my mom.
Lisa · Marge: I guess Dad has to be my hero now. Not if you knew what he's been doing.
Lisa's note · Marge: 'I look up to you... because you let me down.' That's clever... and devastating.
Brandine: Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.
Brandine · Unknown character: Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.
Brandine: I thought it was dead!
Marge · Homer: Well, beat me, I do just scrambled eggs, Homer. The secret ingredient is whiskey. Hey, it keeps the kids quiet.
Cletus: Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan!
Cletus Callback Character Comedy Callback Cletus: Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan! But don't you worry. I'm going to fix his wagon.
Cletus Character Comedy Escalation James Caan: That's it. Next time, I fly.
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