Alls Fair In Oven War

Blackula · Black Dracula:I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink. You mean a honky rink!

TV Announcer:You know, Black Dracula is now a Congressman from Virginia.

Bart:Check it out. I'm a business jerk!

Homer:Marge, I don't want to buy this house. I'd have to live next door to myself.

Homer · Neighbor · Marge:Turn that down! Screw you! Relax, we're just looky-loos.

Homer:Marge, It's not fair to compare us to an American household.

Homer:A slightly colder fridge? In my lifetime?

Marge:Ooh, a bread maker-maker!

Homer:A walk-in microwave! Hey, Marge, can you press 'stop' when my popcorn's done?

Homer:Those guys are the biggest crooks around. They charge for materials and labor! Pick one, jerks!

Homer:Man, that hurt. And now to do the exact same thing again.

Marge:Playdude magazines? Have you been hiding bosom rags from me?

Homer · Marge:But I need them for the articles! Les articles?

Homer:Why would I want to look at a nude woman I'm not even married to? I wouldn't even know how she could improve me.

Marge:'I'm not wearing any clothes... So why don't I just splay myself on a pool table'?

Homer:'Sport Fishing with Sonny Jurgensen.'

Marge:What man would want you now?

Milhouse:Playdudes! Let the blossoming of Milhouse begin.

Milhouse:I gotta be honest, I don't see what all the hubbub is about.

Milhouse · Bart:She can Calamine my hives anytime. That's Congresswoman Bella Abzug.

Bart · Milhouse:Then we could have orgies, whatever they are. We'll be Playdude Playmates! We are Playdude Playmates!

Marge · Homer:I think you used too much plaster. Oh, now you tell me. I never stopped telling you. So that's what that white noise was.

Contractor:Many husbands feel emasculated when their wife must turn to a professional to satisfy her remodeling needs.

Contractor · Italian Subcontractor:I'm gay. But I have a subcontractor that does that sort of thing for me. I like-a to kiss.

Contractor:When Virginia Woolf wrote, 'Every woman needs a room of one's own,' she must have been talking about the kitchen.

Homer · Marge:How 'bout cooking up some money... because this stupid kitchen cost $100,000. I was thinking of chicken wings. Those are good too.

Marge:meatloaf, casserole, tuna loaf, loaferole, casseloaf

Thomas Pynchon:These wings are 'V-licious!' I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook, right next to The Frying of Latke 49.

Ned Flanders:but up against you, I wouldn't have a Hindu's chance in heaven.

Apu:Or my new dream of ditching my family and sneaking back to India in disguise. Apu? Never heard of him. My name is Steve Barnes.

Milhouse · Bart:this music will get a stewardess to give you a layover. I hope it's in Omaha. My grammy lives there.

Marge:It's deep-fried cookie dough with meringue buns, cherry 'ketchup' and caramel 'mustard.'

Marge:It's dessert, but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you!

Homer:Marge, I don't want to freak you out, but I think I love you.

Letter/Ovenfresh:but screw them, you're in! Congratulations!

Marge:Someone somewhere says I'm better than someone else!

Chief Wiggum · Ralph:I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious. You only had a pretend bite. No, I'm eating it. Look.

Ralph · Chief Wiggum:Can you taste the thumbtacks? Crap.

Bart:Nelson, your debonair wit reminds me of a young Mort Sahl.

Bart:Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. I'm throwin' a little sip 'n' quip at the Playdude Treehouse Saturday night at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square.

Bart · Martin:I'm throwin' a little sip 'n' quip at the Playdude Treehouse Saturday night at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square. I want to be a triangle. You're not invited.

Billy Bouillon Cube · Kent Brockman:Don't look at my human eyes! His oven light's on, but nothing's cooking.

Stuart:You're making a 'tasty fake'? That is so '90s. Why don't we all move to Seattle and use slow modems?

James Caan:Turns out he's choking on a peanut. Well, a punch to the gut cleared that right up.

Bart · Edna Krabappel · Skinner:I don't, but I hope you win. Oh, he's going to win. Some guys like a challenge. Not me.

Auntie Ovenfresh 1954:Ribbons and trophies are no comfort on your deathbed.

Luigi:I was, uh, how you say, 'ruining your food so I win,'

Marge:Why is everyone at this bakeoff such a meanie-bo-beanie?

Comic Book Guy:These muffin-huffin' batter biddies can smell weakness a mile away... weakness named Marge!

Lovejoy · Mrs. Muntz:and the punchline implied that they fornicated! Ralphie wants to go on the pill!

Chief Wiggum:Ralphie wants to go on the pill!

Homer:Bagpipes getting down with an octopus... That's classic.

Lisa · Marge:You feed us on $12 a week? I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust.

Marge:I'd like to give those Betty Crookeds a taste of their own medicine. Yes... medicine. Baby ear medicine.

Marge:Even the Pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot of things slide these days.

Stuart:Even the Pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot of things slide these days.

Lisa · Bart:But she'll still win the contest? And lose her soul. But win the contest? Yes.

Lisa · Twinkle the Kidd:You... killed him. He was my world! Blood for creme!

Marge · Brandine:That's an entry?! I thought it was garbage. Just 'cause it was cooked in a garbage can don't make it garbage.

Milhouse · Bart:but most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes. Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.

Homer:Yeah, and your father's 'No House'. Now scram.

Bart · Homer:Hi-fis, Norman Mailer, gettin' some... what do you think 'some' is? Uh... toys?

Bart · Homer:Because we're poor? Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids.

Homer:Well, it's better they hear it from me now... than from their parents when they're old enough.

Marge:What a kind yet oddly ominous thing to say.

Marge:Lisa, the people in this bakeoff are stinkers... who pushed me and pushed me like the pushy-wushies they are!

Marge · Lisa:Look, I'll be a winner with feet of clay... like Mickey Mantle. Everyone loves the Mick. I don't want Mickey Mantle. I want my mom.

Lisa · Marge:I guess Dad has to be my hero now. Not if you knew what he's been doing.

Lisa's note · Marge:'I look up to you... because you let me down.' That's clever... and devastating.

Brandine:Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.

Brandine · Unknown character:Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.

Brandine:I thought it was dead!

Marge · Homer:Well, beat me, I do just scrambled eggs, Homer. The secret ingredient is whiskey. Hey, it keeps the kids quiet.

Cletus:Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan!

Cletus:Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan! But don't you worry. I'm going to fix his wagon.

James Caan:That's it. Next time, I fly.