Bart befriends Rainer Wolfcastle's daughter Greta. She has a crush on Bart, but he does not seem to realize it and eventually stops seeing her. Seeking revenge, Greta begins dating Bart's best friend Milhouse, which causes Bart to start missing her. She leaves for Toronto with her father, and Bart convinces his family to follow them there.
WAR
48.9
Wins Above Replacement
“The Bart Wants What It Wants” ranks #301 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 77.8 — Great. The episode packs 54 scored jokes at 3.0 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Bart: Lise, women are easy. State capitals are hard!
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Bart: He's my best friend because... Well, geographical convenience, really.
Bart Deadpan/Understatement Observational ★ Rewatch Rainier Wolfcastle: Come. We play Uno. I chase you with hose. No biggie.
Marge · Bus driver: Oh, I see you drive on the left up here. / No, Ma'am. I'm drunk.
Milhouse: My therapist said that's all I could ever hope for.
Milhouse Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 54 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: No! The Olympics have preempted my favorite shows for the last time.
Homer Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: You wait till next month! You wait till next month!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Lisa: Dad, you told me there were no private schools in Springfield.
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: But knowing about it would make you want to go here.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer: 10-4, Princess. Is that your beer tent?
Homer · Headmaster: Oh! Is that where Boozer drank the pee? / It's one of the places.
Skinner: And our school board's cut us back to 16. All of them lanthanides.
Skinner Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Skinner: Here's your bond issue!
Skinner Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Lisa · Skinner: Principal Skinner, you're just stealing. / Welcome to Dick Cheney's America.
Cletus: Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut worm, I swear.
Cletus Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Wolfgang Puck: They are wasabi-infused with a portobello glaze. And you can buy them at the airport.
Brandine · Wolfgang Puck: I make mine with M&M's. / With M&M's? Now that's what I call fusion.
Homer: No one's doing any bumping. Time to ram-a-lam these ding-dongs.
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Ned Flanders: This is going right to the orphanage.
Homer · Ned: Homer's auction sabotage backfiring: wins $100 bill for $50, Ned donates it to orphanage
Rich bullies: Look at her cry! New money always cries!
Rich bully: The name is Jackington.
Rich bullies: To the Hamptons!
Rich bully: Hey, butler, stop butling yourself.
Rainier Wolfcastle: McBain, Officer Nick Vengeance, Sergeant Murder, and I was a voice on the Frasier.
Rainier Wolfcastle: Come. We play Uno. I chase you with hose. No biggie.
Homer · Lisa: In South Carolina. / Oh! I will not be a Gamecock!
Homer Lisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Homer: Don't give them nicknames like 'Jumbo' or 'Boxcar,' and always get receipts. Makes you look like a business guy.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Rainier Wolfcastle: One highway, zero city.
Rainier Wolfcastle: If you don't shut your big yap, I will rip off your face and use it as a napkin!
Bart: Wow! The Q-tip he used to kill Ross Perot.
Bart Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Bart · Greta: Oh, it's okay. My bed is stuffed with hay. / (LAUGHING) Bart, you're so funny.
Director voice: We shot this at 4:00 in the morning, and the crew was getting a little cranky. You can never get enough takes for Steven Soderbergh.
Rainier Wolfcastle: Homer, I see your daughter is one of those whale-kissing, Dukakis-hugging moon maidens.
Bart: He's my best friend because... Well, geographical convenience, really.
Bart Deadpan/Understatement Observational ★ Rewatch Milhouse: I'm wearing my bathing suit under my pants.
Milhouse Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Chuck: Hi, I'm Chuck. I live in his trunk.
Chuck Absurdist Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Rainier Wolfcastle · Homer: Oh, that's just Lara Flynn Boyle. / I have a Boyle on my ass!
Skinner: I just hope the audience is kind because my material is weak, and I have that bladder thing.
Skinner Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: This is the biggest thing that's happened to me since chocolate milk! / They've got chocolate milk now?
Bart Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Skinner: Have you ever noticed how the dumb kids fill in the wrong circles?
Skinner Observational Cringe/Discomfort Skinner: I think I heard California surfer.
Skinner Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Lisa, I only lied because it was the easiest way to get what I wanted.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Bart: Lise, women are easy. State capitals are hard!
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Rainier Wolfcastle: Cockfight.
Chief Wiggum · Lou: Lou, you can't leave the force! I can change! / I just think there's more money in private security. / All I'm hearing is I'm too fat.
Rainier Wolfcastle: No. Let my muscles hug you.
Greta: Except he kissed me in the eye.
Greta Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Homer: Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior?
Homer Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: It's so clean and bland. I'm home!
Store clerk: American currency! What time would you like your breakfast, sir?
Marge · Bus driver: Oh, I see you drive on the left up here. / No, Ma'am. I'm drunk.
Canadian nerd: The geek shall inherit the earth.
Milhouse: My therapist said that's all I could ever hope for.
Milhouse Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Canadian announcer: Both our viewers must be thrilled.
Milhouse: I told you! I don't know how that scrunchie got in my hair!
Milhouse Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Milhouse: I can't believe I have to give her half my stuff!
Milhouse Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart · Milhouse: I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic Basketball team. / Yep. It's just that easy.
Student · Kearney: How come you always run out of tardy slips before you run out of permission slips? / How come you suck?
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