Bart gets sent to juvenile hall after fooling everyone that there was a marriage concerning him. He encounters a dangerous girl there... He flees with Gina, but then the two are caught by Wiggum.
WAR
48.3
Wins Above Replacement
“The Wandering Juvie” ranks #381 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.8 — Great. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Marge: I believe that children are the future, unless we stop them now.
Marge Misdirection Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart · Chief Wiggum: Would some flatware make things right? Um, what does it say on my badge? 'Cash bribes only.'
Homer: It's not all your fault. All these years, I watched you turn our son into a time bomb, and yet I did nothing. So in a way, I, too, am a victim... of you.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Skinner: Silent anger: The cornerstone of a successful marriage.
Skinner Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Store Employee · Lisa: this is our 'li'l hooker' line. All the girls your age are wearing it-- except the freakishly unpopular.
All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer · Store Employee: where are your clothes for the gentleman who's big and fat? The basement, sir.
Homer: damn this-- oh!-- Resilient economy! Oh!
Homer Absurdist Misdirection ★ Rewatch Store Employee · Lisa: this is our 'li'l hooker' line. All the girls your age are wearing it-- except the freakishly unpopular.
Lisa · Store Employee: He's eating my beauty! Mm-hmm. Skin mites love the taste of beauty.
Lisa · Store Employee: I hope he didn't have children. Do they have children? Millions of them.
Store Employee · Homer: sir, other customers need to use that dressing room. Dressing room? Uh-oh.
Skinner: And I suppose those wedding guests will also pay for dishwashing liquid, heated water, and two-sided sponges?
Skinner Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Skinner: Silent anger: The cornerstone of a successful marriage.
Skinner Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Bart: Cool. Guns. Die, happy couples.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Store Employee · Bart: that's not a toy, son. It's a bar code reader. It registers wedding gifts. Bull-honky!
Store Employee: I'm going to the employee lounge to finish my shasta.
Bart: Name of groom. Bart simpson. Name of bride. Lotta cooties.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Milhouse · Bart: a fake wedding? That's what I call chutzpah! Yeah. I'm gonna scam this town out of so many presents.
Bart · Milhouse: And what I don't use, I'm gonna return for store credit! Both: Store credit! Store credit! Store credit!
Mr. Burns: Another employee family wedding. What's the traditional peasant gift in these parts, a milking cow?
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Bart · Milhouse: Remember, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town. I am your niece, uncle joe. Good lord, I'm an abomination!
Bart: this prank is my sergeant pepper'S.
Bart Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Comic Book Guy: I see neither blushing bride, nor ardent swain.
Unknown crowd member: oh, my god, we're sealed in! Hey, nobody breathe my air! Get your own!
Bart · Chief Wiggum: Would some flatware make things right? Um, what does it say on my badge? 'Cash bribes only.'
Judge · Bart: Bart, the record of your mischief is staggering. Just look at this file. That doesn't look so big. These are directions to the facility where bart's criminal record occupies three full storage lockers.
Bart · Judge: Six feet by eight? Six by 14.
Bart: Please, judge, you can'T. I-I'll do anything. I'll squeal on my dad-- he's been up to bad things. Crap you never even thought of!
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Judge · Bart: We've already got an informer working deep cover on your dad. One he'll never suspect. Is it lenny? Damn it! I mean... uh, no.
Judge Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Police: No! You're not going to take my baby to jail! all right, boys, she's not letting go. Make the switch.
Ralph · Unknown: your eyes need diapers. 'Your eyes need di...' that's good, ralphie.
Guard: Perfect mood-setter for the end of your freedom.
Guard Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Homer: It's not all your fault. All these years, I watched you turn our son into a time bomb, and yet I did nothing. So in a way, I, too, am a victim... of you.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Lisa · Sideshow Bob: His acting out was probably caused by negative reinforcement. Oh, I get it. Blame the strangler.
Fast Food Manager: these are all fast food jobs. Ex-cons are a godsend to employers like me. If you ask for a raise, I just call your parole officer and back in the can you go!
Unknown character: ah, cartoons. America's only native art form. I don't count jazz, 'cause it sucks.
Bart: Better stay out of the sandbox, I could be buried alive. Maybe the slide...
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Gina: I'm gina. You touch my fence again and your puberty's going to be very boring.
Gina Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart: God, I hate this place. It's nothing like the brochure.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Observational Marge · Guard: They're not true friends. Time's up!
Marge: I believe that children are the future, unless we stop them now.
Marge Misdirection Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Trainer · Marge: This end's for beating, this end's for holding. Uh-huh. When does training start? It just finished.
Homer: If you're going to pick on someone, why don't you pick on someone much bigger than you with a gun?
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Unknown kid · Homer: His dad's a screw? I sure am.
Homer: Oh, wait, monday's martin luther king day. Oh, I'll see you when I see you.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Warden: Studies show the part of the brain that remembers dance steps is also the anger center. So, juveniles who know how to fox-trot are 10% less likely to commit a double homicide.
Warden Absurdist Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Unknown student · Warden: Who conducted this study? The institute of 'shut your fat face'!
Warden: Then you'll have punch and you'll drink it. Then your eyes will meet, and it will be awkward. So help me god.
Warden Escalation Character Comedy Gina · Bart: Okay, here's my rules. Hands at 10:00 and 2:00, no eye contact, and I don't want to hear how pretty I look. Don't worry, you won'T.
Homer · Unknown: Well, I can close it faster, or I can close it right. Can't you do both? Talk to the union.
Bart: well, you do look pretty in the moonlight.
Bart Character Comedy Callback Callback Gina · Bart: guess where the next one's going. Up my butt?
Bart · Gina: Why did you kiss me? Are you looking to do the bartman?
Bart Gina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Gina · Bart: that mean boy... he dragged me out of the dance. I didn't want to go, but he was too strong. But you got 20 pounds on me. And then he said I was fat.
Bart · Gina: But I have to wizzle. Fine. I miss prison.
Snake: If they're smart, kent, they'll stay off the main roads. It's all here in my book-- 'ten habits of highly successful criminals.'
Snake Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Snake: Tell them I'll be on conan thursday, with heather locklear and third-eye blind.
Snake Absurdist Character Comedy Kent Brockman · Homer: Why would bart escape if he's going to be released in two weeks? You just don't understand boys. He's stupid.
Alien father · Moonhilda: You shall marry my daughter, moonhilda. I can't wait to lay my eggs in his brain.
Bart · Gina: So why'd they send you to juvie? Shoplift a scrunchie? Get bent. I pushed snow white over the parapet at disneyland.
Bart · Gina: Oh, man. Did she live? Yeah, but it's not a good life.
Cletus: I don't have such a good memory since I drank my thermometer... but I whittles what I sees.
Cletus Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Wiggum · Cletus: Uh, hey, what are you making now? Uh, sometimes I whittles the future.
Gina · Bart: but there's no such thing as cooties, cootie shots, cootie force-fields, or cootie insurance. But state farm took my money.
Unknown family member: You ke your ink hole shut about this.
Blacksmith · Bart: Take it from a blacksmith-- that girl's trouble. Oh, that girl's nuts. First she likes me then she hates me. I've already forgotten how ugly she is.
Bart · Gina: Wait... do you even have a family? No, I don't! They're imaginary, like your brain!
Bart · Gina: you're such a psycho! Mama's boy! future skank! Family guy!
Wiggum · Officer: Well, well, well. If it isn't punch n' juvie. Plant the evidence on them, boys. Uh, chief, we don't have to. These ones are actually guilty.
Wiggum: Super. Makes our job that much easier.
Wiggum Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Homer: Son, I want you to know, no matter what anyone says, there's no shame in being caught alive.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Homer: He will have a great bod, though. And a couple of those teardrop tattoos. Those are cool.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Gina: I wouldn't feel right going to the bathroom with no one watching.
Gina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Lisa · Gina: Gina, thanks for showing us the meaning of christmas. And thanks for showing my brother that girls can be cool. Who is this nerd?
Homer: Well, my shift's over. I guess it's back to my bachelor apartment. Make a tuna sandwich, turn on will and grace and cry myself to sleep.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Top Episodes — The Simpsons
