Jaws Wired Shut

Homer:D'oh!

Homer:Oh, they're showing the filling now. Can they do that?

Homer · Marge:What the hell is that? Rainbows. Tank tops. Empowerment.

Homer:This is the gay pride parade! Woo-hoo!

Parade participants · Moe:We're here! We're queer! Get used to it! / You do this every year! We are used to it! / Spoil sport!

Parade participants:We're gay. We're glad. But don't tell Mom and Dad.

Marge:Wouldn't it be great if that man and woman got together?

Bart:Cool! It's Lesbians of the Caribbean! Yo, ho, ho It's an alternative lifestyle for me

Marge:Oh, a salute to brunch! Wave to brunch, Maggie.

Homer:Oh, look at those abs. Everyone here has a six-pack and I'm the only one with a keg.

Marge:Oh, God! Cover up!

Homer:Four tickets for Shenani-Goats!

Movie rating announcer:It may contain brief rudeness, adult explosions, and scenes with Garry Shandling.

Homer:These are so easy. It's obviously Tom Hanks.

Apu:Otm Shank. He is India's answer to Brian Dennehy.

Movie trailer narrator:You suck! No wonder your parents are getting divorced!

Movie character:The professor said not to let him get a boner!

Homer:I'm laughing! But it's a laugh of impatience! Show the movie!

Homer:So many previews. So many previews. So many previews.

Announcer:If that's a phrase you like to hear, then you'll love Movie Call!

Movie usher:Well, if we wanted to live forever, we wouldn't have become ushers.

Bart:Hey, Dad, has the movie started yet?

Homer:I'm not scared of those ushers. What are they gonna do? Advance on me?

Drederick Tatum:Litter is my most treacherous foe. I would like to eat its children.

Homer:My mouth. My beautiful mouth!

Doctor:Oh, don't worry. On a man his size, that just provides sexual release.

Bart:Hey, Dad, I'm gonna make a human yo-yo. If you object, clearly say no. No! No objections, eh? That's great.

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, you ready to imitate that Jackass show? All those disclaimers made me want to do it more!

Duffman:Duffman can never die! Only the actors who play him!

Duffman · Barney · Homer:What beverage brewed since ancient times is made from hops and grains? How about ancient hop grain juice? Beer! Beer! Beer!

Barney:Ooh. Duff luck. I never would've figured that out. That's the kind of thing you just gotta know.

Marge:I am not gonna make you another sparerib smoothie. Most people with their jaws wired shut don't gain weight.

Marge:I was in the kitchen counting the corncobs on the curtains, when who should ring the doorbell but Ned Flanders.

Marge:Pardon my French, but sometimes that man's a goofy-doofy.

Bart:Marge thinks Flanders is annoying. This marriage just got interesting.

Lisa:We were playing foursquare and I called no double taps, and Ralph double taps. And I said, 'You're out,' and he says, 'I can do a summersault,' which had nothing to do with anything!

Homer:Maybe a hug will cork her cry hole.

Bart:So the substitute teacher comes in and says her name is Mrs. Doody, and everyone's looking at me like, 'Take it, Bart. Run with it.' Then it hits me. I've become a clown. A class clown. And it sickens me.

Grandpa:Three wars back we called sauerkraut 'liberty cabbage,' and we called liberty cabbage 'super slaw!' And back then, a suitcase was known as a Swedish lunchbox. 'Course, nobody knew that but me.

Grandpa:Anyway, 'Long story short' is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling.

Marge:That donkey is such a bad influence on you.

Marge:A formal! The one place you can wear a tiara and not look crazy.

Rich person:That's quite an ear. Have some money.

Rich woman:Your husband is quite the gentleman. Most people laugh at my googly eye.

Rich woman:Well, I've never seen a man politely pass up so many hors d'oeuvres. My husband, Maxtone Witherball, has already had three shrimp!

Rich woman:Someone's done her henpecking.

Homer:I'm horny.

Marge:I don't know what you said, but I'm sure it was beautiful.

Doctor:And Reverend, I'll put in those pec implants on Thursday.

Marge:I'll have to take off my shoes to cover the odor.

Homer:Hello? Yeah. I'd like to arrange for an escort, please. To where? How about Orgasmville! You... Hello? Hello?

TV producer:I'm an alcoholic.

Talk show audience member:My boyfriend has a metal tongue stud. Who cares what's on his tongue, as long as he's a stud where it counts! I'm talking downtown!

Marge:We'd be making love and he'd have a mouth full of Hershey's Miniatures. Krackel was my favorite.

Talk show host:I hope that was the only miniature in the bedroom. I'm talking downtown!

Homer · Customer:Ostrich burgers! Get your ostrich burgers! I'll take one. Okay. You pick one out and I'll punch it to death.

Ostrich:Dude, I thought we were friends!

Homer:Well, okay. For you, I'll be as dull as Dilbert.

Homer · Marge:We're rehearsing a play. Yes, and I was merely reading the title, I'm Gonna Kill You.

Homer:I just poured myself a new glass of milk. The old one sat out for a little while.

Homer:Good, good, good, good, good, good, good!

Demolition Derby announcer:Vendors, start your gouging!

Marge:Catch you later, radiator!

Marge:Oh, my God. I hit someone. Then I taunted him. I've never felt more alive!

Marge:Don't hurt me! I'm not like you people! I'm loved!

Demolition derby participant:I caught a head! Oh, dang! It's been scooped out.

Homer:This beer's deliskous. I'm gonna saves me wife.

Announcer:A man on a donkey! Never in my six weeks on the job have I seen the likes of this.

Homer:Looks like I needs some fuel for me mule. Gas for me ass.

Homer:That's okay, Marge. You're a good wet blanket. The kind I like wrapped around me.

Narrator:When Homer's jaw was crushed, crushed, crushed, his life took a nitro-burning funny turn! Oh, yeah! It's important to grow, grow, grow, but if you take it to the max, max, max, it's gonna get ugly! In the mud!