Eeny Teeny Maya Moe

Homer:This is no time to pat the bunny, Maggie. Daddy's watching a very important Mid-Atlantic Hockey League Conference Semifinal do-over game.

Announcer:the members of Sesame Street on Ice wait impatiently to begin their matinee performance

Announcer:Hold the Black Label, Mabel! The Utica Mohawks' Pete Mavroudis has broken through the 'topes' defense!

Homer:I will when it's not sports season.

Announcer:here at Utica's Kill-Kwik Rat Poison Arena

Homer:D'oh! The score, damn you!

Homer:I will never... know... the score!

Homer:Oh, Marge. This is a definite high point for our marriage.

Marge · Homer · Maggie:Your daughter barely knows who you are! / That's ridiculous. Who's your daddy, Maggie? Who's your daddy?

Homer:Who's your daddy, Maggie? Who's your daddy?

Marge · Homer:He is pretty good with her. / Oh!

Homer · Marge:Look, Marge, it's just what you want me spending the day with Muggsy. / Maggie! / Marge, you're not Naggy.

Homer · Marge:You just set the bar impossibly high. / Can you at least bring a sweater for Maggie? / Impossibly high.

Homer:Not even heated up. Typical dog.

Homer:Now, you learn your numbers from these billiard balls while Daddy gets happier and happier and then sadder and sadder.

Moe:Jeez, can't a guy clean his bar for the first time ever without people making polite inquiries?

Homer:Aw, her first enabling.

Barney:Remember I taught you your ABCs. A-B... P-K... R...

Moe:Ah, just how I like it: warm and rusty.

Moe:Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Library Patron:The gargoyle has landed!

Library Patron:You know I'm a woman. We used to own a cat together! She had babies! Here's yours!

Moe:Dast I click on this JPEG? No. I dasn't. Yes, I dast!

Moe:All right, before I send this, I'd better, uh, un-beady the eyes, de-Neanderthal the brow, smooth out my hate lines, lighten up the ear hair, switch my lips, then, black tie the whole deal.

Moe:Aw, I can't build a relationship on a lie. The lies come later.

Moe:Oh, frabjulous day! Calloo Callay!

Moe:Oh, oh, you want Homer? I'm sorry, I thought you meant Himmler. Heinrich Himmler. You know, the guy who invented the Heimlich 'manure'? Those are two different people!

Maya · Moe:Moe, I'm down here. / Oh, you're a little person? / No, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Uh, what-what's the correct term? / Little person. / Whoa! Look at me being polite!

Moe:So, Maya, um, have you always been this size, or is this like a Benjamin Button deal?

Maya:Well, that was taken at Legoland.

Moe:What, are you kidding me? You're the best thing to come into this bar since cable TV. And unlike cable TV, I ain't stealing you from the Chinese restaurant across the street there.

Moe · Maya:Let me get a car seat. / Car seat? / Yeah, I took out the passenger seat to save gas, but I'm gonna use it now 'cause we're gonna do the town!

Moe:So instead of getting a new bar sign, I saved 300 bucks by changing my name to Moe.

Waiter:Moe! You eat alone again tonight, huh? Table for one! Facing the wall!

Waiter:She's beautiful! But so far away.

Moe:Yeah. I practice by siphoning gas out of other people's tanks.

Moe:But I never tasted super-premium that was half as good as you.

Moe:It's like my heart wants to do her.

Carl:You mean like how we treat Homer? 'Cause he can't remember limericks?

Homer:There once was this guy from an island off the coast of Massachusetts, uh... Nantucket, I think it was. Anyway, he had the most unusual personal characteristic, which was, uh... um...

Lenny:Look at him struggling with the simplest rhyme. It's A-A-B-B-A, dumb-ass!

Homer:Aw. Innocent babies whistling nonchalantly. How sweet.

Homer:Maybe if I lay down a beat on my bongos, that will soothe her.

Homer · Lisa:How would I know? You've been spending so much time with her. / I have not! / Oh, right. You think I do.

Childcare Worker:You, wash me unmentionables! And, you, preheat the oven for two children at 450.

Narrator:Our competitors claim we scramble our images too much. We say, 'Can you love your children too much?'

Narrator:The only thing better than Prying-Eye watching your children is you watching your children, and we know that's not gonna happen.

Commercial announcer:The only thing better than Prying-Eye watching your children is you watching your children, and we know that's not gonna happen.

Marge · Devil · Angel:Do you really want to use your baby as a tool to spy on your husband? / Yes, you do. / I wasn't talking to you. / When you say it, it's not just in your head.

Moe:No. Hey, no. Hey, a lot of people live in trees. Uh, Tarzan, the Berenstain Bears, flood victims.

Maya:Umpa-lumpa, we are so small...

Moe:'Cause I am a snake handler, but not an observant one. If we have kids, they just have to have a ceremony with a cobra by age three so their grandfather will be happy.

Maya:When your mailman waved to us, you made me hide under that traffic cone.

Moe:She's a stand-up dame, and he's a fall-down drunk.

Moe · Maya:Hey, what's going on? Whoa. You turned into a doll! / I just do that to freak people out.

Homer:Ugh! In a nuclear power plant, just how is nuclear energy turned into electricity?

Maya · Homer:Well, if I remember my high school physics, the controlled nuclear reaction creates steam which powers a turbine... / Man, oh, man, slap a ring on that!

Maya:Are you asking me to be your... little woman?

Moe:Well, as long as you don't mind having a small wedding. And-and we can drink champagne out of an acorn top. Our first dance will be on the head of a pin!

Moe:I've been hogging all the good ones. All right, now you go, but, uh, hey, keep it short!

Maya:I stopped having fun about ten jokes ago, and you just kept going.

Moe:Oh-Oh, forgive me, kitten. I mean cat. I mean, tiger. I mean saber-toothed tiger. I mean... aah.

Moe:How long do you people remember things?

Lenny · Moe:The one time I did, I went to jail for three years. / You made some good friends, didn't you? / Just 'cause you're chained to a guy don't make him your friend.

Moe:Tomato, tomahto. Now, how am I gonna win Maya back?

Moe · Carl:But what if it blows up in my face? / Uh, with your face, who cares?

Dr. Nick · Moe:Now close your eyes, and when you wake up, you will be a woman. / No, no, no, no. I-I want to be shorter for a woman. / Uh-oh! I mixed you up with the last guy.

Previous Patient:I look nothing like Julie Newmar!

Maya:Moe, if you have to be like me to love me, then you're not seeing the real me.

Moe:I see you every time I look at the moon. I see you in puddles after it rains. I see you in the glazed eye of a barfly who's had one too many.

Moe:And can you wrap up the bones so my dog can have fun with 'em?

Homer:Oh, Maggie, I love you from the tip of your toes to the bow on your hair with the red blinking light.

Marge · Homer:Homer Simpson, you are a strong finisher. / And I'm good at beginnings.

Marge · Homer:Homer Simpson, you are a strong finisher. And I'm good at beginnings.

Homer:Sometime when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that'll make you smile.

Moe:Who'd have thought such a little woman could make me feel so big?