Homer's impromptu dance at a carnival leads to a job choreographing victory dances for sports stars Tom Brady, Warren Sapp, Michelle Kwan, Yao Ming and LeBron James.
WAR
14.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Homer And Neds Hail Mary Pass” ranks #538 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 68.9 — Mixed. The episode packs 55 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 6.3 on craft and 6.2 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Ned Flanders: Your mouth is hopin' for a soapin', boy. Now stop asking silly questions and go kill your brother!
Homer · NFL officials: You suckers! I would've done it for free! Fine, do it for free. Damn it! Well, I'll still do it. Suckers. I would've paid you. Fine, pay us! Oh, damn it! Will you take a check? No! Damn it!
Rod or Todd Flanders: Daddy, if Cain and Abel were Adam and Eve's only children, how did they make more babies? Did they make babies with their mother? Or with each other?
Marge · Homer: Homer, do fries come with that shake? Sure do.
Ned Flanders: I'm like Michael Moore, except I'm skinny, my jeans are washed, and God loves me.
All Jokes — 55 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Marge · Cat Lady · Homer: Aren't you that crazy Cat Lady? Yes, I am. But thanks to this psychoactive medication, I enjoy brief moments of lucidity. Those are just Reese's Pieces.
Homer: Oh, I've only got a hundred dollars. I better bid shrewdly. First up is this video camera. One hundred dollars! $100 and 50 cents! Sold! Damn it!
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Bart · Homer: Check it out, Fat-wad! I'm better than you, and I'm only ten. Fat-wad! I love it!
Homer: I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine, so kiss my behind!
Homer: My son flips frogs like a girl! Yeah! A-boo, a-bah, a-who's your daddy?
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Marge · Homer: Homer, do fries come with that shake? Sure do.
Ned Flanders: He makes me look cool. And cool I am not.
Comic Book Guy: Boxer shot by wife. Beauty pageant diarrhea. Here's a new one: Big-ass Baryshnikov.
Italian tourist: Look at the American computer monkey! Dance-a, monkey, dance! Basta, basta. Take-a my picture with the Internet marmaluke-a!
Lisa · Marge: The Internet wasn't created for mockery. It was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was.
Deion Overstreet: I played the gentle giant, 'Stay-off-drugs-ia.'
Homer · Deion: 'L' is for 'loser' Which describes you, sir Don't try to stop me Just enjoy the view, sir. 'The view, sir.' Then show ass. Got it.
Homer: Don't forget showboating. That's the cornerstone of my 'Pyramid of Success.'
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Jimmy · Grandpa: Grandpa, will you take me fishin'? Sorry, Jimmy, your Grandma and I are going to go have old-people sex.
Rod or Todd Flanders: Daddy, if Cain and Abel were Adam and Eve's only children, how did they make more babies? Did they make babies with their mother? Or with each other?
Ned Flanders: Your mouth is hopin' for a soapin', boy. Now stop asking silly questions and go kill your brother!
Homer: You're going down, you potato-eatin' pansy!
Ned Flanders: I happen to know that the person inside that leprechaun suit is a single mother.
Homer · Timmy Thomas: Deion, this is Timmy Thomas. He has Timmy Thomas disease.
Homer · Lenny: Lenny, can I move you from Wednesday at noon to Sunday at 6:00? Homer, you know that's when I play with neighborhood dogs.
Reverend Lovejoy: What the... Oh, I get it.
Professor Frink: It turned me from an atheist to a hurray-theist!
Professor Frink: I would pay to see it again and again and again and again, but not six times.
Random person · Wallet owner: Here's some guy's wallet. I am that guy!
Mr. Burns: And I've been looking for a way to launder the money I made selling club soda as flu vaccine.
Marge: He left out all the good times Cain and Abel had when they were growing up.
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: And sexy! King David stole someone else's wife, Mary Magdalene was a hooker...
Bart Dark/Subversive Observational Homer: I didn't know you could talk!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist LeBron James · Lisa: I'm sorry, but I do not understand English. Wait a second. I've read that you speak excellent English. Shut up, kid. I got a good thing going here.
Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, I already do, if by 'razzle' you mean 'piety' and by 'dazzle' you mean 'Scriptural accuracy.'
Homer Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement King Solomon actor: Wait a minute. I killed a baby. I'm a monster!
Ned Flanders: I guess you'd rather see a film about a liberal European wizard school or the latest sexcapade of Miss Ashley Judd.
Ned: I guess you'd rather see a film about a liberal European wizard school or the latest sexcapade of Miss Ashley Judd.
Ned Observational Character Comedy Protestors · Mr. Burns: Solar. Hydroelectric. A mix of conservation and wind. Who told you about those? A talking tree in a commercial.
Sports anchor: Tonight, the Clipper and the Stripper, a Jones that's Chipper, and did Joe Torre shoot Flipper?
Homer: This is either about me or steroids.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: I'm the worst thing to happen to sports since Fox.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: Maybe he can tell me how to get this off. It soaked through to the other side.
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy Football Commissioner: Plus, we're making millions in player fines, which I'm going to use to bankroll a musical about The J. Geils Band!
Homer · Commissioner: You suckers! I would've done it for free! Fine, do it for free. Damn it! Well, I'll still do it. Suckers. I would've paid you. Fine, pay us! Oh, damn it! Will you take a check? No! Damn it!
Homer · NFL officials: You suckers! I would've done it for free! Fine, do it for free. Damn it! Well, I'll still do it. Suckers. I would've paid you. Fine, pay us! Oh, damn it! Will you take a check? No! Damn it!
Narrator: ...to the marriage of PacMan and Ms. PacMan in Super Bowl XVI...
Homer: Oh, every single Super Bowl halftime show has been great
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational Ned Flanders: I'm like Michael Moore, except I'm skinny, my jeans are washed, and God loves me.
Homer: Have you tried checking the oil filter?
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Yeah. You help me, and I, in turn, am helped by you.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Sports announcer: and it's scheduled for demolition early next month. America's priorities are a joke.
Sports announcer: But don't stop watching. In the second half, points count double.
TV announcer · Moe: How could you afford this? I hustled a lot of pool. Uh, hey, you want to play? I got to warn you, I ain't that good.
Michelle Kwan: I left the People's Republic for this?
Angry parent: You try to raise your kids as secular humanists, but these showbiz types keep shoving religion down our throats!
Deion · Homer: Omelets for dinner? This is the best day of my life. Really? Didn't you just sign a $90 million contract? That was a good day, too.
Homer: I should've just sent a crocodile into space like I originally planned.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy LeBron James · Homer: Omelets for dinner? This is the best day of my life. Really? Didn't you just sign a $90 million contract? That was a good day, too.
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