Dude Wheres My Ranch

Mr. Burns:Makes me wish I hadn't released the hounds. [ALL SCREAMING AND DOGS BARKING]

Smithers · Mr. Burns:Should I call them off, sir? - No, no. It's their Christmas too.

Krusty:That's even worse than 'I'm Dreaming of a Whitefish Christmas.' For this, I tied my bathrobe?

Homer:They belong to everyone, like grapes at the grocery store.

Homer:Those suck. They're worse than nothing.

Lawyer · Homer:Don't use A-flat or G-natural. Those are owned by Disney. - Oh. - That's A-flat. - Oh! - That's better.

Homer:If I can make my own clothes, I can do anything.

Ned:Well, the Bible says it's fun to do stuff together.

Homer:Flanders, I am a patient, reasonable, handsome man.

Homer:It's a popsicle in my favorite flavor, plain.

Homer:Everybody in the U.S.A. Hates their stupid neighbor / He's Flanders And he's really, really lame

David Byrne · Homer:And I used to wrestle under the name El Diablo. - I thought that was Philip Glass. - Yeah, he wishes.

Homer:Hey, mister, if you like my song so much, would you like to buy a tape? It's already rewound.

Lenny · Carl · Homer:LENNY & CARL: D-E-R HOMER: His wife is dead [WOMAN SCREAMS]

Rod · Todd:- That's us. - Hurray!

Lisa:Another cover? My God, let it die.

Homer:Now I know how God feels.

Homer:What? It said 'take one.'

Bart:'The Denzel Washington Monument'

Lisa · Homer:Or we could go to Walter Gropius' Bauhaus Village. - And fight the crowds? Forget it.

Moe · David Byrne:Watch it, Mr. Byrne. You'll slip on the simonize. - Simonize? [YELLS]

David Byrne · Moe:Wasn't that the hospital? - Uh, you ever see the movie Misery? - Actually, no. - Then this'll all be new to you.

Ranch Owner:Son, the only Internet connection we got is a dedicated DSL port in the business center. Or you could patch in through the smart fridge in your cabin.

Bart:Hmm, if said fridge is smart, it will be filled with Hot Pockets and bologna by the time I get there.

Historical Sign · Lisa:On this battleground in 1881, 56 Indians lost their lives and four brave Americans lost their hats. [WHIMPERING] Those poor hats.

Lisa · Ranch Owner:This whole ranch is appalling. It's built on a legacy of cruelty to animals and oppression of indigenous people. - Just our way of making y'all feel welcome.

Homer · Maggie:I'll show you how they get on a horse where I come from. - Daddy, I need upsies. - Coming, sweetie.

Cookie:Pleased to meet you. Have a tooth.

Bart:Hey, Crabby Hayes, get with the program.

Luke:Mama rattlesnake would be mighty sore if you scrambled her young'un.

Cleanie:My precious.

Native American:He unified the nations of the western plains. Five dollars or three for 12.

Tourist · Native American:Can you shoot one where I'm Rambo and my wife is Betty Boop? - You mean package B.

Native American:Then the river was dammed to make that lake by our ancient enemy, the beaver.

Native American:Unfortunately, the beaver is also our god. In retrospect, it was a poor choice.

Native American · Homer:Sure. And when we do, your breakfast will be comped. - How many decks will your blackjack dealers use? - Eight. - Three. - Four. - Deal.

Marge:I didn't gasp like that until I was 18.

Homer:No! I wanted to die choking on food.

Homer:Stop shoving. The little one isn't getting any.

Luke:Free range my ass. Tonight you're gonna be swimming next to a matzo ball.

Marge · Lisa · Luke:Oh, it looks like a happy sheep. - Oh. - Oh, damn it.

Marge:Don't rightly know. I just soaked up the lingo like a biscuit in a bucket full of gopher gravy.

Lisa:But when he's 23, I'll be 18.

Marge:I didn't marry the first boy I... Well, I did, but you shouldn't.

Homer:It's beef hormones and the fluorescent lights. What are you gonna do?

Maggie:[BRITNEY SPEARS' 'OOPS!... I DID IT AGAIN' PLAYING] Oops!... I did it again I played with your heart Got lost in the game

Cookie:A dance? A dance? [LAUGHING AND WHOOPING]

Cookie · Others:Whew. I'm pooped. I'm going to bed. - Bed? [WHOOPS]

Luke:Love you too, Clara.

Lisa · Clara:But a quicker way to the ranch is that shortcut. Thanks, darling. See you at the dance.

Homer:Delicious motel furniture.

Homer · Bart:That's a $17 deck of cards. - Let it go, Dad.

Homer:Finally, man has triumphed over a small furry animal.

Native American · Homer:Actually, it's Fresca. - Fresca?

Luke:Hell, no. They outlawed that in this state two years ago.

Lisa · Luke:Done something terrible. - Don't care. Just totally caught in the moment.

Sheriff · Crowd · Sheriff:But I'll be back in six months. - Yee-haw! - Blanks. They just don't feel the same.

Homer:Who are you, the 'used to' police?

Clara:I'm one lesson short.

Clara:Well, that certainly justifies attempted murder.

Lisa · Bart:And when... Hello, handsome. - What's up, cootie breath?

Marge · Homer:Homer, those are elk. - I still hate them. Go back to Grosse Pointe.

Luke:You're the kind of slicker my family left Central Park West to avoid.

Luke:You got a lot of chutzpah, missy.

Lisa · Marge · Homer:Who is he? - You, Homie. - Whoo-hoo! In your face, imaginary guy.

Moe:Moe, Moe, Moe / How do you like me? How do you like me? / Moe, Moe, Moe / Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me

Homer:Oh, that can't be good for the struts.