Homer creates a team, including author Neil Gaiman, to write the next hit "tween" book; after receiving an advance copy of the work from his publisher, Homer learns there's more to the business than he imagined.
WAR
52.5
Wins Above Replacement
“The Book Job” ranks #288 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.1 — Elite. The episode packs 66 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Carl: If they had been in charge of the Sistine Chapel, the whole thing would be vampires, instead of the pope's private naked dude mural.
Carl Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: How is that the lesson? The point of the dinosaurs is, no matter what we do, an asteroid's gonna wipe us out, so we should party hard and wreck the place!
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Neil Gaiman: Poor Lisa. Did it never occur to her that there might be three flash drives?
Lisa · Homer: Dad, follow that dinosaur! I've waited my whole life to hear that.
Lisa Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Chief Wiggum · Museum guard: Sir, you're inside an Allosaurus. I demand to speak to my paleontologist!
All Jokes — 66 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Child: These aren't dinosaurs! Dinosaurs sing! I want to go back in Mommy!
Child Absurdist Character Comedy Parent: I paid $800 for five minutes!
Parent Observational Cringe/Discomfort Homer: How is that the lesson? The point of the dinosaurs is, no matter what we do, an asteroid's gonna wipe us out, so we should party hard and wreck the place!
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Yeah! Why should the asteroid have all the fun!
Bart · Lisa: Lisa has a big toy. No fair. That means I get two small toys. No fair. This isn't big, it's medium! No fair! Then I get four small toys...
Homer · Bart · Lisa: Okay, Maggie gets a toy. No fair! No fair! Choke on fossil poop!
Lisa · Homer: Dad, follow that dinosaur! I've waited my whole life to hear that.
Lisa Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: So tired. Go on without me.
Homer Physical/Slapstick Absurdist T.R. Francis actress: full of whimsy and, uh... chapters.
Lisa: Everybody knows you got the idea for this series after an explosion at a crumpet factory knocked you off a double-decker bus. How could that be made up?
Lisa Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch T.R. Francis actress: The plots are based on market research, and the pages are churned out by a room full of pill-popping lit majors desperate for work.
Chief Wiggum · Museum guard: Sir, you're inside an Allosaurus. I demand to speak to my paleontologist!
Lisa · Marge: Doesn't it bother you that Betty Crocker is an invention of '20s-era ad men? I know you're hurting, but that's no reason to lash out at me.
Homer: A million bucks?! I know five idiots!
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Moe · Homer: Whatever the job is, I'm not interested. A million bucks has changed stupider minds than yours.
Moe: I like the beat, play me the tune. We're taking down kids who read. Chapter-book crowd? That's a juicy peach. But what's the cream?
Moe Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer · Moe: Tween-lit gang-write? But this Babar needs a Zephyr. A Zephyr? You're the Zephyr.
Agnes Skinner: Your friends are looking at my bloomers! Wash 'em again!
Homer · Skinner: With your share of the money, you could get your own studio apartment. The refrigerator could have my magnets on it.
Patty: I'm fluent in every imaginary language, from Dothraki to Parseltongue.
Patty Character Comedy Observational Selma: I wouldn't join one of your harebrained schemes for all the Japanese girlfriend pillows in Kyoto!
Selma Character Comedy Absurdist Lenny: I just adopted a capuchin monkey, and I can't leave it alone during the bonding phase.
Lenny Character Comedy Absurdist Carl: I did publish five modestly successful children's books.
Carl Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Homer: Like no one ever writes for money, Lisa. I don't see your boyfriend William Shakespeare missing too many meals.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Wait, you're gonna be all the guys? How would that work?
Homer Character Comedy Reaction Beat Lisa: I'll just bang out 2,000 words, and then I'll stop-- even if I'm on fire. I got to pace myself.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: Why is Bach next to Muddy Waters? That's my problem-- I got to get these CDs organized.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: Spot, stop, sop, top-tops, pot-pots, opt-opts... Post!
Lisa Escalation Character Comedy Moe: So many vampires! With the fangs and the capes and the medals-- nobody knows how they earned them.
Moe Observational Absurdist Moe: Everyone head for a different airport, and we meet in Rio in a year with new faces.
Moe Character Comedy Absurdist Moe: Hey, I ain't a troll. Look, I bleed red, just like you. Th-The first part is always green, but it turns red.
Moe Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Skinner · Group: The cheerleaders are pixies. The stoners are... gargoyles! And they play a complicated sport which makes no sense called Fuzzlepitch!
Moe: I don't care if he's the guy who wrote Sandman Volume One: Preludes and Nocturnes-- no one spies on us!
Moe Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Homer · Neil Gaiman: And lose the British accent. Cheeseburgers, French fries. I'm all over that, pal.
Lisa: God, I love being a writer!
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Skinner · Homer: Weekly Reader Star Selection good. I just hope we put in enough steampunk, whatever that is.
Homer · Carl: Oh, you didn't write any of it. That tuna didn't salad itself.
Homer Carl Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa: Writing is the hardest thing ever!
Lisa Escalation Character Comedy Carl: I laminated the lunch menu and put them ia binder.
Carl Character Comedy Absurdist Publisher: Where's your Franklin W. Dixon? Where's your T.R. Francis? Where's your Stephen King?
Publisher Escalation Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Moe: Let's acid melt him in a bathtub!
Moe Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Lisa: A dog wrote a bestseller?! All I've done is procrastinate!
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Lisa: I was raised in a traveling circus. My mother was a lady ringmaster, and my father was a lion barber. I wrote my first story with clown lipstick on a flattened popcorn box.
Publisher: Is R.L. Stine here, 'cause you just gave me Goosebumps?
Homer: Square as Golden Books, Pop.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Homer · Lisa: Not just by Milhouses. You'll get attention from Jacksons, Xanders, even Aidens. Aw, I've always wanted an Aiden.
Publisher: Before we got our hands on Twilight, it was about a girl who fell in love with a golem. But teenagers weren't going to spend their allowances to join Team Schmul.
Publisher: teenagers weren't going to spend their allowances to join Team Schmul.
Carl: If they had been in charge of the Sistine Chapel, the whole thing would be vampires, instead of the pope's private naked dude mural.
Carl Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Homer · Publisher: Do the characters still say trolly instead of cool? - No. - Oh, that is so untrolly!
Publisher: Hey, if you don't want your words changed, write a screenplay. We own your book, so why don't you go and cry into your million-dollar check?
Skinner: I was gonna buy the apartment next door and fill it with dolls, but now that just sounds stupid.
Skinner Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Bart: Now it's a dance contest at the vampire prom.
Skinner · Guard · Neil Gaiman: No, of course you didn't. The establishment I work for delivers pizzas to everyone, and then gives the customer the option of accepting or refusing delivery. That's a terrible business strategy. No, no, it's quite sound.
Moe: I bet it's the Earl of Marmalade over here.
Moe Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Moe: I bet it's the Earl of Marmalade over here.
Moe Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Moe Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Publisher: My favorite theme of a wall calendar.
Publisher · Group: Oh, by the way, the audio book is only available... abridged. Abridged!
Lisa: I got the idea from every movie ever made.
Lisa Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Neil Gaiman: Poor Lisa. Did it never occur to her that there might be three flash drives? I've heisted my way to the bestseller list once again. And the most brilliant part is, I don't even know how to read.
Neil Gaiman: Poor Lisa. Did it never occur to her that there might be three flash drives?
Neil Gaiman · Moe: It's simple, Moe. I don't like the taste... of poison. Ah... crap.
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