Behind The Laughter

Man:Look at her vacuum.

Homer:They told us what to wear... how to dress, which clothes we should put on.

Homer:After the show, Meryl Streep spit on me.

Homer:They almost drove me to fortified wine.

Homer:That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.

Bart · Lisa:Sheriff Lowbrow. Home Improvement.

Marge · Narrator:Finally, I said, 'So do it. Either [Bleep] or get off the pot.' And [Bleep] he did.

Homer · Marge:Honey, I'm home. The boss is coming to dinner, and I need a clean shirt. I haven't done the laundry yet. Mamma mia! Now I'll have to do it!

Lisa:It was amazing how fast Dad betrayed his vision of a realistic show.

Homer:Every day I thought about firing Marge. You know, just to shake things up.

Homer:The man who cut my hair was also president of Fox.

Bart:Fox had an endless supply of clever slogans, man.

Bart:Sometimes I'd have to read the cake just to know who I was singing to.

Bart:Dad, I've never said 'Cowabunga' in my life. Your script sucks.

Narrator:And that horrible act of child abuse became one of our most beloved running gags.

Homer:We were using $50 bills as toilet paper and toilet paper as dog toilet paper.

Homer:We found a secret room that was filled to the ceiling with parachute pants. I'm wearing some now.

Executive:Yeah, I've seen all the overnight sensations - Brad Hall, Rich Hall, Rich Little, Little Richard - but the Simpsons blew 'em all away.

Executive:Meanwhile, Krustophenia sits on the shelf.

Announcer:And the award for Best Hard-core Thrash Metal goes to... Simpsons Christmas Boogie?

Homer:I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.

Executive:Oh, Homer was spending money like a... teenage Arab.

Lenny:I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always tryin' to score with his wife.

Lenny:He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other

Lenny · Carl:He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other. Hey, did we ever get that money?

Narrator:But reckless spending and interracial homoeroticism were just volume one of The Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.

Homer:Then came the rocks - jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags.

Homer:Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs.

Lisa:I mean, there we were with Hollywood royalty like Milton Berle and Nelson Mandela.

Lisa:And just a few stars down from the Cheerios honeybee.

Homer:Awards and honors are great, but they don't pay the pickle man.

Homer:Her check bounced higher than Rubber Girl.

Marge:When people reach for their diaphragm, they don't want to see my picture.

Comic Book Guy:If the sea captain could be in the show, why not me? I've even got a catchphrase. Nyah! Whaa! Whaa, whaa, whaa! Now I lost it.

Apu:Yes, I finked on Homer, but, you know, he deserved it. Never have I seen such abuse of the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' tray.

Homer:Hey! They can't take our house! My potbellied pig is in there! Ah, Mr. Porky! No!

Bart:Fine. I'll do Teen Wolf 3. I've got fair-weather friends to feed.

Bart:Hey, you've been riding me all day. Why don't you poop in your hat?

Character:That man is the real Seymour Skinner.

Narrator:While he was in rehab, the part of Bart Simpson was played by his good friend Richie Rich.

Richie Rich as Bart:Don't have a cow, Mother.

Homer:Hello, Iowa! Does anyone have a doughnut?

Narrator:Before a riot could break out, Jimmy Carter came to the rescue with his comedy break dancing.

Narrator:Coming up: Was the dream really over? Yes, it was. Or was it?

Narrator:But now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered - by Satan.

Narrator:Fox put the show on hiatus and replaced it with hidden camera footage from the dressing room at Ann Taylor.

Lisa:I literally chewed the scenery.

Marge:So the next time you see a sheriff, shoot him. A smile.

Homer:How could I even get all five necessary drops into her cereal?

Grampa:I mean, emotionally it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist.

Narrator:That night, fate wore a cummerbund of suspense.

Willie Nelson:Well, I'm also trying to patch things up between Van Halen and Sammy Hagar.

Narrator:And now the future looks brighter than ever for this northern Kentucky family.

Lisa:This will be the last season.

Huckleberry Hound:I was so gay. But I couldn't tell anyone.