Homer is stoked for a party, where Lenny shows off his new plasma screen HD TV. Three days later and Homer still hasn’t left Lenny’s apartment. Lenny eventually gets him to leave and Marge enters them in a contest where they can win a plasma TV of their own. They don’t win, but 3rd place gets them a tour of the FOX studios, where Homer learns about a wife-swapping show where he can win enough money to buy his own plasma TV. Marge agrees to appear and they exchange wives with the Heathbar family. Charles Heathbar winds up falling in love with Marge (who is giving him what he needs), while his real wife Verity finds Homer detestable.
WAR
49.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Homer Simpson This Is Your Wife” ranks #368 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.0 — Great. The episode packs 91 scored jokes at 4.8 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.3 on impact, with Charles landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Marge: I thought life preservers only came in orange. Because wouldn't it be hard to see blue in the ocean?
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer: Two and a half men. You can see the soulless emptiness in Charlie Sheen's eyes.
Homer Callback Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Charles · Marge: Would you like to hear a joke? / As long as it's not a knock-knock joke. I always ruin them by saying, 'come in.'
Verity · Marge: Charles hasn't satisfied me in years. / Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football. Cruel, dusty years.
Homer · Verity: what's that delicious smell? / I'm burning all your underwear.
All Jokes — 91 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: Why the hell would he want to do that....blessed sacrament that has made my life so rich?
Homer Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: I like your hat, sweetie. / I'm not wearing a hat. / I mean, the one at the house.
Cletus · Brandine: Another party and we cain't go. Yeah. Just 'cause we's afraid of using the uppity box.
Unknown: Ain't no party like a Lenny party 'cause a Lenny party don't stop.
Ned: I got to work tomorrow. I better go. My god. How did Lenny get to be newsfake magazine's man of the year?
Ned Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer · Ned: That's just a souvenir from an amusement park. / What? / Next you'll be telling me he didn't meet Woody Woodpecker.
Homer Ned Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lenny: I dated the woman in that suit for three months. Then she left me for the guy who cleans the vomit off the roller coasters.
Lenny Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: Hey, Lenny, I see you cut the celery at an angle here. Makes my straight-cut celery look like crap.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Lenny: Attention, everybody! Please shut up! I know you're all wondering why you're here. The fact is, I'm dying... ...to tell you that I have adopted... ...a new faith... ...in the power of technological advances to make me happy.
Lenny Misdirection Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Unknown: I've never seen a picture so highly defined!
Homer · Lenny: Lenny, this tv is amazing. If you're not careful, I might just spend the rest of my life on your couch. / You don't mean that literally, of course. / You're right, Lenny. I...
Homer: Lenny, bring me a beer and your deepest chamber pot. Chop-chop.
Homer Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Homer: You can see the soulless emptiness in that shark's eyes.
Homer Observational Setup/Punchline Homer: Two and a half men. You can see the soulless emptiness in Charlie Sheen's eyes.
Homer Callback Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Lisa · Bart: Dad, please come home. We miss you. / Is that a high-def tv?! / Mom didn't say anything about high-def!
Homer · Lisa: Later, if I have enough energy, we can walk up to the tv and I'll show you how thin it is. / Wow, there's a rainbow outside. / Oh, yeah? Well, right there's a commercial with a dancing cold sore.
Homer: Break out! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo! Ha-ha! Break out! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo! Ha-ha! Ha! Hoo-hoo! He-he-ha! Ha-ha!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Visual Gag TV Announcer: And bodell jenks the third crashes into bodell jenks! The winner is Bodell Jenks, junior!
Bart · Homer: wow, I can actually feel the heat. / Beat it. This is my alone time.
Bart · Homer: Can you at least take a picture of me with the tv? / I ain't fallin' for that again. / Yeah. Good times.
Homer: Stupid non-plasma tv. Picture so blurry. Might as well rub dirt in my eyes.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: Marge! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Marge · Homer: Now i really hope we win that contest. / There's a chance we won't win?!
Comic Book Guy: My collection is complete. 40 years of the family circus.
Contest Official · Homer: Congratulations, Mr. Simpson. You've won. / The big screen tv? / No. No one wins that. You won third prize, a tour of the FOX network in los angeles, california.
Homer · Contest Official: All expenses paid? / Look, I gotta go.
FOX Tour Guide: Here's where we make the best damn sports show, period. And there's where we make 'the worst damn comedy show, period.'
FOX Tour Guide: why look. There's Dan Castellaneta from the Tracey Ullman show.
Homer · Dan Castellaneta: Hey, funny man! Say something funny! / Please don't lean out of the tram, sir. You might get hurt. / Don't lean out of the tram...
FOX Tour Guide: Here's where we develop our many reality shows. There's dwarf or midget: America decides, and million dollar fart-off.
Marge · FOX Tour Guide: Mother Flippers? What's this show about? / This is a reality program, dear, where we take wives from two very different families and they trade places for a month.
Marge · FOX Tour Guide: I already saw that exact same show on another network. / Here, sweetie, have a FOX sweatshirt. / This is an abc sweatshirt. / Yeah, and it zips all the way up.
Homer: Are you kidding? Take a look at my dvd. They'll never let me near lake havasu again.
Homer Dark/Subversive Escalation Homer: I'm signing us up for a reality show where we trade you to another family.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Marge: Well, that might be interesting. Or it could damage many, many lives.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Producer: And if you say yes now, it'll make a great act break.
Producer Meta/Self-Referential Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Marge · Producer: I'll do it! / Perfect. But could you say it again with more emphasis on the 'I'll'? / I'll do it. / No, no, go back to the first way. / I'll do it. / Wait, I wasn't happy with that. You know what, just do it the way it feels comfortable to you. / I'll do it. I'll do it!
Marge · Producer: I'll... do... it. / How was that? / We'll get it later.
Host · Verity · Lisa · Bart: Verity, who will be your new mom, is the youngest-ever full professor at yale. / I got my tenure at 28. / Oh, really? Bart, when did you get your tenure? / I got my tenure right here. / Yeah, well I have full tenure.
TV Crew: We better pixelate those. / There aren't enough pixels in the world! / Yeah, just cover it with Ryan seacrest's head.
TV Crew Escalation Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Charles: This is Charles. You can call me Charlie. But do not call me late when there are scones about.
Charles Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Charles · Homer: It's a little british humor. / I'll bet the twist is he's gay.
Homer · Lisa: Tv. / But dad... / yes, tv-sa? / Forget it.
Homer: Listen up, stonehenge. I made a drawing of the places on Marge you can't touch. Especially the hair.
Homer Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Charles: Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual.
Charles Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: You take forever to say nothing.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Verity: You know, you don't seem like the money-hungry semi-stripper who's usually on FOX. Why'd you do it?
Verity Meta/Self-Referential Dark/Subversive Verity: Well, I thought there was no further way I could humiliate my husband, and then this opportunity came along.
Verity Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Verity · Marge: Charles hasn't satisfied me in years. / Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football. Cruel, dusty years.
Marge · Charles: So, Charles, what do you do for a living? / Well, I'm an office manager, and, no, I didn't even get a promotion today, again. So, go on, go ahead. Disembowel me with your pointy, pointy words.
Marge · Charles: Really? You manage a whole office? / Yes. Yes. Yes I do, actually. / Well, that's very impressive.
Marge · Charles: Does that include the people and the furniture? / Yeah, and I decide where the christmas party's held. Actually, it's decided by committee, but, you know, I choose the committee.
Homer · Charles: Hello. / I don't, I don't choose the committee as such, but, you know, I choose where they meet. This year I am thinking of conference room 'C.'
Charles · Marge: That leaves 'a' and 'b' available for overflow. / Well done!
Verity · Bart: Bart, I told you no television till you do the dishes. / And I do not call that doing the dishes.
Bart: well, my mom says why bother punishing me, I never learn.
Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Verity: Disgusting. Young man, I'm going to turn that cartoon into homework!
Verity Character Comedy Escalation Bart · Cameraman: Help me, cameraman. / I let you smoke a cigarette in my bedroom. / That was a joint. And I have a name. It's Doug.
Verity · Homer: 'Then itchy used an ice cream scoop to scoop out scratchy's heart and make it a sundae. The end.' Now, Homer, would you care to give your report on CSI: Miami?
Homer: 'there's this guy that got killed. I think it was in Miami. So CSI: Miami investigated-ed it. Then a family said how much they loved the olive garden. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, Letterman was talking to Alias.'
Homer Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Verity: That's wonderful. Indeed. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a mandarin chinese lesson. Xie xie. Zai jian.
Verity Character Comedy Escalation Verity · Charles: He's a very impressive boy. / The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. / A tree that's been alone for far too long.
Marge · Charles: I don't get it. / Are you saying you're the tree? / Maybe. / Are my roots showing? / Wordplay, brilliant.
Charles · Marge: Would you like to hear a joke? / As long as it's not a knock-knock joke. I always ruin them by saying, 'come in.'
Charles · Marge: You see, this man, he finds a magic lamp, and a genie comes out. / That's funny. / That's just the setup. / Well, you've set me up, for laughs down the road. / So the genie says, 'I'll give you three wishes, but whatever you get, your wife gets double.' / Okay? Remember that. / How nice for her.
Charles: Now, here's the humor. The man says, 'I want a new car. The genie says, 'your wife gets two.' Okay, remember the double? The man says, 'I want a new house.' So the genie says, 'your wife gets two.' So the man says... 'beat me half to death.'
Charles Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline Charles: It's funny. Don't you get it? 'Cause she gets double, so if he gets beaten half to death, the wife would be beaten to death.
Marge · Charles: That sounds horrible. / I agree, terrible. Offensive towards women. Little amusing, don't you think? / No! / Me, either. Spousal abuse. It's, uh, it's a real problem. It's not funny. It's tragic, if anything so...
Marge · Charles: well, I liked the genie part. That was fun. / You think so? / Yes, I could really picture him. With curly shoes and smoke all over the place.
Marge · Charles: You're a born storyteller. / Well, yeah, I suppose I am, yeah. / Yeah, not a murderer. / No.
Charles · Marge: Would you like to hear another joke? / I sure would. / Let me just get us some iced tea.
Charles: One more kind word from her and I am completely smitten.
Charles Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Marge · Charles: Your toaster takes bagels. How ritzy. / And there we have it.
Homer · Verity: what's that delicious smell? / I'm burning all your underwear.
Marge · Charles: what's with the kimono? 'Are we having Lachoy?' No Marge, I was just sitting around drinking Vermouth and contemplating how, just when you're drowning in a pit of despair, life can throw you a beautiful blue life preserver.
Marge: I thought life preservers only came in orange. Because wouldn't it be hard to see blue in the ocean?
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Charles: Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. No logic. Not tonight.
Charles Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Bart · Homer: How long do we have to stay here? / Till I'm sick of drinking these, and I'm never sick of drinkin' these.
Charles · Marge: Did I tell you I'm a bit of a songwriter? Words and music, hold the applause. I wrote this song for a woman. You. / What an odd thing for a man who's not interested in me to do. / Yes. Not interested. Let me just breathe your scent for a moment before I play.
Charles: Lady when you came to me, I was feeling blue blue just like your hair, you see blue just like the moon but only when the moon is blue and not when it is cream
Charles Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Charles · Homer: and now that you are here with me I am in a dream oh, Yeah, Marge, your dreams can come true.
Charles: Lady, when you go away I feel like I could die not like dye like your hair is dyed but die like Lady Di and not Like Di like her name is Di but die like when she died.
Charles Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Charles: But lady just like lady di be my princess tonight but don't die don't die. No way.
Marge · Charles: That song was very nice. / How'd you think up so many rhyming words?
Charles: Marge, I love you. And I can tell from your basic level of courtesy that you love me, too.
Charles Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Marge · Charles: Listen, Charles, I don't want to hurt your feelings... / because you love me, right? Admit it. We were born to fall into each others' arms on reality tv.
Marge: I'm sorry, but I love Homer.
Charles: Of course you do. He's a real man, not like me, a miserable toad under the thumb of the biggest bitch this side of the Westminster Kennel Club.
Charles Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Marge · Charles: Charles, please, your son might see this. / He's not my son. His real father is either the pool man or my wife's lover. They're the main two candidates I've narrowed it down to. Pretty sure.
Homer: Elle m'a fait passer du temps avec les enfants. Et le temps pour la télévision est devenu un temps de dialogue.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Top Episodes — The Simpsons
