When the police are called to diffuse a rowdy crowd at Mr. Burns' estate, one of the officers recognizes priceless stolen paintings on the walls, and the maniacal billionaire is taken downtown for questioning. With Mr. Burns gone, Smithers takes charge of the power plant. But when employees take advantage of his good nature, he exacts revenge by forcing the employees to work night and day. These unfair working conditions prompt Homer and his crew to devise a plan to bust out Mr. Burns.
WAR
46.4
Wins Above Replacement
“American History X Cellent” ranks #255 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.0 — Elite. The episode packs 54 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Burns landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Burns: I had a little left between my toes. It quickly multiplied, and now I'm a bigger bastard than ever.
Burns Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Burns · Smithers: Smithers, take my hands and clap them sarcastically.
Burns: After all my years of stock jobbing, gun running, attempted murder, successful murder, and tom-peepery, they get me on a petty multimillion dollar art theft.
Burns Escalation Irony/Sarcasm Burns: I'm afraid that was just my pre-evil.
Burns Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Burns: Is it a crime to want nice things, and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them?
Burns Setup/Punchline Character Comedy All Jokes — 54 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Burns: Me, C. Montgomery Burns, locked up like an animal? What caused this puzzling turn of events? Well, I'll tell you my tale... by thinking about it to myself.
Burns Meta/Self-Referential Absurdist ★ Rewatch Burns: And so our Employee of the Month is the late Roger Ducette, who tragically died from complications due to union organizing.
Burns · Homer: This picnic is for me. You will all be spending your Independence Day slaving away in the hot summer sun without pay, lotion or gratitude.
Burns: I've played a round of tenpins or two in my life, and to me, the word 'spare' reeks of second best. Give me ten full frames of strike ribs.
Burns Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Burns: And you, find my doctor and ask him why I'd ask for something as insane as strike ribs.
Burns Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Callback Burns: I said break a leg. For God's sake, man, it's a figure of speech. You're fired.
Burns Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Burns · Smithers: Smithers, take my hands and clap them sarcastically.
Burns Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Lenny: That's a regular-sized bottle. I'm drinking Jeroboams.
Lenny Escalation Character Comedy Carl: I'm pounding Melchizedeks.
Carl Escalation Wordplay/Pun Homer: Whoo-hoo. I'm drinking my salary.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: The government... taking my hard-earned stolen wine and spending it on that no-good floor.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist Burns: Smithers, sound the alarum. Summon the shire reeve. Wake the beadle.
Burns Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Burns: Is it a crime to want nice things, and then to steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them?
Burns Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Burns: Me, whose velvet breeches their lizard lips had so often joylessly smooched.
Burns Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Vendor: Fresh is a dollar, rotten's two bucks. Son, do you really need the rotten? I mean, it's not like you're actually gonna hit him.
Vendor Irony/Sarcasm Observational Marge · Bart: Really? Okay, eat your lunch. But... You said it's your lunch. Eat it.
Marge · Bart: Okay, eat your lunch... You said it's your lunch. Eat it... Not air bites, real bites.
Bart: Mom, you don't play with Lisa. You play despite her.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Lisa: One day we might need each other for organ transplants, so we'd better keep the lines of communication open.
Lisa Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart · Lisa: You plant the ants, and then they grow? No, the ants are the farmers.
Burns: After all my years of stock jobbing, gun running, attempted murder, successful murder, and tom-peepery, they get me on a petty multimillion dollar art theft.
Burns Escalation Irony/Sarcasm Burns: Hmm. Not dramatic enough. Frostbite took his nose. Excellent.
Burns Meta/Self-Referential Escalation ★ Rewatch Burns: That prison was like a prison to me. Not a prison of bricks and iron, but one of steel and cement.
Burns Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Burns: That's just an S.S. card, you Dummkopf.
Burns Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Burns: Can't read my own writing. But I'll tell you this, Warden, it starts with an 'H.'
Burns Setup/Punchline Absurdist Burns: Damn, that gas is noble.
Burns Wordplay/Pun Observational Burns · Guard: I haven't had a cavity in over 40 years. I wasn't talking about your teeth. Nor was I.
Burns · Cellmate: Dartmouth?! Get me away from this hideous brute at once! Got my master's from the University of Virginia, the public Ivy. Guard!
Burns' Cellmate: Well, they don't turn out too many of those at Dartmouth.
Burns' Cellmate: Got my master's from the University of Virginia, the public Ivy.
Bart: If I was in your tummy, I'd poo in your throat.
Bart Cringe/Discomfort Absurdist Homer: Oh, no. You are not taking the children. If they're anybody's children, they're mine.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Smithers: A chance to be the kind of boss I want to be. A little more... employee-friendly.
Smithers: A suggestion box that is no longer a guillotine for the hand.
Worker: There's always a catch!
Worker Character Comedy Observational Homer: Annie? As in 'Little Orphan'?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Whoo-hoo! A double funeral!
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Lenny: Five out of five. Four out of five. Five out of five. Uh, excuse me, can I go back and change that four out of five to five out of five?
Lenny Observational Escalation Worker · Lenny: I don't have a thing with my kid tomorrow. You told me you did. I do, but I'm not going to it.
Worker: There's nothing sweeter than being nice to a guy's face and then stabbing him in the back the minute he walks away.
Worker Dark/Subversive Observational Smithers: I used to wonder why Mr. Burns hated humanity. Now I know. You open your heart and they mock your very decency.
Convict: Because when I was at my lowest facing 50 years to life, someone handed me a book. I couldn't read a lick, but that picture of Jesus gave me a comfort I've never known.
Convict Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Burns: I'm afraid that was just my pre-evil.
Burns Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Lisa: She's only carrying 30 times her weight. Our girl is slowing down.
Lisa Observational Character Comedy Lisa · Grampa · Homer: Or let her die in captivity, like Grampa? Hey, in my mind I'm free. No you're not, ya idjit!
Carl · Lenny: If wishes were horses, I'd be eating wish-meat every night. What does that mean?
Burns: But first, I'll daydream about a sport utility vehicle, a crispy chicken sandwich and a wonderful blue pill.
Burns Meta/Self-Referential Observational Burns: You don't have a 'whisper' voice, do you?
Burns Character Comedy Observational Bart: Oh, thank God. I thought I broke two off.
Bart Misdirection Character Comedy Homer · Worker: Men of wealth can beat the system now. Yeah, and they've replaced parking meters with this thing you stick your credit card into.
Burns: I had a little left between my toes. It quickly multiplied, and now I'm a bigger bastard than ever.
Burns Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Convict: Because I've killed so many rich white men, I thought I'd do right by at least one.
Convict Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline Convict · Italian Man: Tell me, brother, have you heard the story of Jesus Christ? Well, I am Italian, but no.
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