The Simpsons family vacation in Israel with Ned Flanders, but Homer does not appreciate any of the culture—until an Israeli tour guide named Jakob shows him around and, in a severe state of dehydration, Homer believes he is the Messiah.
WAR
60.6
Wins Above Replacement
“The Greatest Story Ever Dohed” ranks #149 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.5 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 3.9 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Ned: Homer Simpson, you are not worth saving.
Ned Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart: Reading prayers and ignoring them, just like God.
Bart Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Jacob: You stay there, surrounded by your great enemy, Canada! Try Syria for two months, then we'll see who's pushy!
Jacob Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: I am the Messiah! But you still have our passports, right? Oh, yeah. Got to keep track of those. The Messiah... has the passports.
Homer: Dear Lord: Please, fix the following parking tickets: a647253, sp9, 0325, Shelbyville 932871...
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Reverend Lovejoy: Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.
Bart: Stop making this relatable. As a youth, if I don't hear a computer word every sentence, I am outta here.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Reverend Lovejoy: Mousepad! Double click! Skype! Skype!
Unknown character: My bathing suit came off!
Unknown German character: Schnell! Schnell!
Marge: You are the most infuriating, Netflix DVD-burglaring, barbecue-not-putting-out... man I ever met!
Marge Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Reverend Lovejoy: I sense a 'but' coming. Here comes the butt!
Homer · Reverend Lovejoy: What about Sodom and Gomorrah? He lovingly destroyed them.
Homer: Let me think... Take my family to a war zone, on a bus filled with religious lame-os, in a country with no pork, in a desert with no casinos... Where do I sign up?
Homer Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Marge: I can hear your sarcasm from inside the house. And the dishwasher's on!
Marge Escalation Observational Lisa: Great. More hell for me.
Lisa Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Ned Flanders: I also want to try something called 'pita bread.'
Marge: The man hates pants.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Homer · Others: Latkes aren't as good as American pancakes. They're okay with apple sauce. True enough. A truckload of apple sauce!
Krusty · Bart: Don't want to end up in hell. Jews don't believe in hell. No hell? Thank you, kid. You made my day.
Krusty Bart Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jacob the tour guide: You may notice I speak the English with a slight accent. This is because, as you've probably guessed, I used to live in London, and that is why I sound like Hugh Grant.
Jacob: We finish early, we go to jewelry store owned by my cousins. No joke. Is true. Great prices. You got to haggle. Otherwise they don't respect you!
Jacob Character Comedy Observational Jacob: What are you talking about? It's the safest country in the world. The only danger here is dehydration. Drink water. Don't die. Looks bad on me.
Jacob Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jacob: Who wrote your brochure? The same schmuck who wrote the New Testament?
Jacob Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Doreet: Shalom is the aloha of this place.
Doreet Observational Wordplay/Pun Jacob: Everybody died there for nothing. Okay, first stop: Old City.
Jacob Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jacob: Where BC turned into AD! Let's go!
Jacob Absurdist Observational Homer: After we see the stations of the omelet bar.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer · Marge: These blueberry muffins are bigger than the ones we had at Pechanga. Finally, something you like better than Pechanga.
Homer Marge Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jacob: Also, where your Jesus, who was a native-born Israeli, sandals, circumcised, perfect English accent, the whole deal.
Jacob Absurdist Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Jacob · Eavesdropper: You're not part of the group. No listening! It's Israel. It's free country. Okay, that's it. Because of him, no Armenian quarter. Forget it. It's gone.
Jacob: Okay, that's it. Because of him, no Armenian quarter. Forget it. It's gone. All thanks to Mr. Listen-for-free.
Jacob Escalation Character Comedy Unknown: He's going for the record!
Unknown Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick Homer: I'm just here to see some sights, try goofy new food and spread some shekels with my Carolina Panthers credit card. Panthers!
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer · Ned: If you say it like Dracula, I will. Please... That is going right on stupidflanders.org.
Homer Ned Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Homer Simpson: That is going right on stupidflanders.org.
Homer: Boy, are you lousy at reading minds.
Homer Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Homer: I'm not. It's my ring tone. Yello. This is he. I wanted to know, do you deliver falafels to the top of Mount Zion? Great. I'd like a large falafel with pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese. Yes, I know what a falafel is.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Dear Lord: Please, fix the following parking tickets: a647253, sp9, 0325, Shelbyville 932871...
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Unknown observer: Sad. Never gonna happen. Maybe if you were Brad Pitt.
Bart: Reading prayers and ignoring them, just like God.
Bart Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: Dear Lord, don't let Marge find out the hotel leaves chocolates on the pillows at night.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Bart: Give my dad another heart attack?
Bart Dark/Subversive Cringe/Discomfort Lisa: Smite him like the firstborn of Egypt. Dead baby, dead baby, passover, dead baby, dead baby...
Lisa Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Bart: Why am I running from a girl? Call me when you're old enough for your bat mitzvah. I'll bring you an envelope full of nothin'.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Bart · Israeli girl: Karate! Krav maga! Krav ma-wha? Israeli karate. Less 'hyah', More 'hyah'!
Israeli girl · Bart: You don't fight like a girl. Or even a Milhouse. I don't know what is 'Milhouse'.
Bart · Israeli girl: Quit going for my groin! No groin, no krav maga. Hello, groin.
Jacob: Or as he's known here, 'the man in the underpants'. Beautiful tachtoonim. What abs! He was a real good-looking one. Nice hair. Conditioner? I think so.
Jacob Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Ned: And thank you again for the challenge of Homer Simpson. We've all got our crosses to bear. Me Homer, you... the cross.
Ned Wordplay/Pun Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Ned: It's so nice and cool in the tomb of the unknown savior. Unknown?! This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived! Porky pig?! Porky pig's not a man! He's a pig, and he's not even a real pig!
Ned: You come all the way to Jerusalem, the happiest place on earth, and all the photos in your camera are of funny soda pops?!
Ned Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Ned: Chickpea fizz! Delete. Delete. Delete.
Homer Ned Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Callback Ned: Homer Simpson, you are not worth saving.
Ned Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: But I thought we'd be neighbors in heaven. Goofing on all the new dead people.
Homer Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: A sand horse... car of the desert!
Homer Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Homer: Nothing like a tall glass of lukewarm water to Jekyll down this Hyde.
Movie characters: Not so fast... We can't transform on the sabbath! Let us power down and contemplate the Torah.
Homer: Thirsty, I am so thirsty and hungry and horny but mostly just thirsty I am so thirsty
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Homer: So salty! Maybe if I add a little salt.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Vision · Homer: You have been chosen, Homer. Chosen for what, o mighty gherkin?
Homer · Marge: I am the Messiah! But you still have our passports, right? Oh, yeah. Got to keep track of those. The Messiah... has the passports.
Homer: But look not upon her with lust, and do not send her friendly e-mails. That's how it begins.
Homer Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Lisa: Did you notice Dad always gets the disease they write about in the in-flight magazine?
Lisa Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: This one says 'Carolina Panthers'! Messiah says...
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jacob: You can hold my gun. I used it in Entebbe. I killed three Ugandans.
Jacob Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Jacob: What, Israeli people are pushy? How about you experience genocides and see how laid-back you are? We were purged from Spain! Throw out of there! They allow everybody, there! But for us, Jews, no flamenco, get out!
Jacob Escalation Observational ★ Rewatch Jacob: You stay there, surrounded by your great enemy, Canada! Try Syria for two months, then we'll see who's pushy!
Jacob Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: From now on, you shall be called... Chrismujews. I don't know.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer · Crowd: But all of us love chicken. He's right! You can simmer it in a tagine. In a soup, you can boil it! Spread the word! Peace and chicken.
Competing Messiah: Don't listen to this fat idiot! I am your Messiah! Avert your eyes from my wrinkly arms!
Homer · Homer: You can't hurt what's already dead. I guess you can.
Homer · Ned · Homer: Can I buy you a $12 turkey sandwich? I'd like that. How about a Greg Norman executive putter from the Sky Mall? You'd get a better deal at a mall back home. They have malls on land?
Background arguing: Why don't you try having your people being thrown out of Spain? Spain! No tapas! I love eating tapas! I love the tiny portions! You don't get too full, but you have a variety of flavors! Not for me! Every day hummus and pita! Occasionally, once a week, a little bit of falafel!
Top Episodes — The Simpsons
