After spraining his knee during a basketball game, Homer begins taking care of the neighborhood kids to cure his boredom, prompting jealousy from Bart and Lisa, who feel that Homer is giving the kids the attention they never had.
WAR
45.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Children Of A Lesser Clod” ranks #443 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.2 — Great. The episode packs 113 scored jokes at 5.3 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.1 on impact, with Homer Simpson landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Rainier Wolfcastle: I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve... where I will hunt the deadliest game of all- Man!
Homer Simpson: Two weeks? What am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man.
Lisa Simpson: One more and I get a free hysterectomy.
Coach Lugash: I came to this country in '83 by cartwheeling over Berlin Wall.
Homer Simpson: Soon I will have a miracle hybrid... with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog!
All Jokes — 113 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Simpson: D'oh! [Screams]
YMCA Employee: [Laughs] I know. We'll never see any of you again.
Homer Simpson: You got that right.
Basketball Player: Well, it's your turn to get the ball out of the peach basket.
Basketball Player: I'll get a ball out of your peach basket one of these days.
Coach Lugash: I came to this country in '83 by cartwheeling over Berlin Wall.
Coach Lugash: No giggling! It weakens the haunches!
Coach Lugash: Eight? Too old! Go home, Grandma!
Coach Lugash: Lugash must go next door to anger management class.
Coach Lugash: Worthless anger management class! I hate it so much! I spit on it!
Hip-hop Etiquette Teacher: Yo, boy, this class is tight. You go from 'sloppa' to 'proppa.'
Bart Simpson · Proper Lady: But the black man said- / Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good gracious!
Proper Lady: I should bust a cap in your ass!
Homer Simpson: Pick me! Pick me! I got hoop dreams, Coach! I got 'em bad!
Homer Simpson: Losers! Losers, losers, l- / You said Homer, right? / Losers!
Professor Frink: What with the passing, and the dribbling... and my shoes made of the flubber! And away I go! It's frightening.
Professor Frink: Ow, that was painful. Oh, the flubber is burning my feet!
Rainier Wolfcastle: I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve... where I will hunt the deadliest game of all- Man!
Carl Carlson · Other Player · Rainier Wolfcastle: I am taking the ball and going home. / Hey! Hey, that's not your ball! / [Rifle Clicks] The chase begins.
Carl Carlson: Boy, I am so sick of everyone assuming I'm good at basketball because I'm African-American!
Carl Carlson: Go, Carl. Go, Carl. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Three-peat! You got mail, baby!
Groundskeeper Willie: Willie tickles the twine for two! Oy! Oy!
Homer Simpson: No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie.
Willie: [Grunts] Eat my dust, mortals!
Willie Escalation Character Comedy Homer Simpson: Oh, my goodness, an untied shoelace. I'll just get down on one knee and re-tie that. [Grunts] Eat my dust, mortals!
Dr. Hibbert · Homer Simpson: Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out your anterior cruciate ligament. / Did you say anterior? / [Screaming]
Homer Simpson: Maybe a little morphine would refresh my memory.
Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert: I don't know. I'm still a little hazy. / Now I remember it like it was yesterday. / It happened today. / Hey, man, you're harshing my buzz.
Homer Simpson: Ow! Jetson!
Homer Simpson: Maybe a little morphine would get me there quicker.
Lisa Simpson: One more and I get a free hysterectomy.
Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert: What spinal cord injury? / Oh, he fell off the gurney.
Homer Simpson: Miss work? But my life would be nothing without the nucleon plant.
Dr. Hibbert · Homer Simpson: You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films. / But Doctor Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp.
Marge Simpson: We've never welshed on a- Look, a bear! Run!
Homer Simpson: Two weeks? What am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man.
Homer Simpson: No, they don't.
Barney Gumble: Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy.
Homer Simpson: Would you make me some Jell-O?
Ned Flanders: So, the tables have turned! Now you're the shut-in, and I'm the hip young dude!
Ned Flanders: There goes my wagging finger.
Lisa Simpson: Hitch up your pants, air whittle.
Nursing Home Worker · Homer Simpson: Uh, Mr. Simpson, you weren't supposed to leave the home. / Thank you, Ping-Pong. / My name is Craig. / Sure, it is.
Homer Simpson: I know. I'll breed the pets... to each other. [Evil Laugh]
Homer Simpson: Soon I will have a miracle hybrid... with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog!
Homer Simpson: No. That's not how you do it!
Homer: Oh, it feels so good to talk to another human being!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Homer Running Gag Character Comedy Ned Flanders: [Laughs] It's gonna be one wholesome evening.
Marge Simpson · Morgue Worker · Dead Body: That's not my Uncle Lou. And this man's not dead. / That's what I've been trying to tell you! / That's just gas escaping.
Homer Simpson: And this pickle you're offering only sweetens the deal.
Homer Simpson: Daddy's not here, is he? [Laughs]
Homer Simpson: Pokémon? Pokémon? With the pokey and the man... and the- [Gibberish]
Flanders Kid: He told us how the world keeps screwing him over.
Ned Flanders: Well, sir, I've never heard a preacher use the M-F word so many times.
Homer Simpson · Ned Flanders: Don't tell me what I'm not doing. / So you are running a day care center? / Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Homer Simpson · Ned Flanders: Then I'll do it, just to see the look on your face. / That's the one.
Marge Simpson · Homer Simpson: Why did you put my name on the sign? / It's just a legal thing to protect me.
Kid: It's healing over my hand.
Kid Physical/Slapstick Absurdist Homer Simpson: It knows you're afraid.
Parent · Marge Simpson: I would like to take advantage of your baby prison. / We're calling it day care. / Yes, whatever. Just take them!
Homer: We're calling it day care.
Homer Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Callback Marge Simpson · Parent: Any medical things I should know about? / Yes, probably!
Homer Simpson: I owe it all to my rewarding work with children. And not picking at it.
Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert: Being with those kids gives me a high only morphine can top. / You got any?
Lisa Simpson · Bart Simpson: Dad's been doing that for two hours! / I've never seen the baby get tired of it before the adult.
Lisa Simpson: I can't remember the last time Dad sang us a torch song.
Homer Simpson: You'll have children of your own someday. Then you'll know my joy.
Bart Simpson · Day Care Kid: You haven't seen the real Homer. It's all burping and neglect. / I think we know your dad a little bit better than you do, Bart.
Various children: Boobs! Heinie! Mitten!
Homer Simpson · Kids: If you're happy and you know it, say a swear / Boobs! / Heinie! / Mitten!
Bart: They're always laughing. Laughing at nothing.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Bart Simpson · Lisa Simpson: How come parents are always nicer to other kids than they are to their own? / I guess Dad just takes us for granted.
Lisa: This'll give his heartstrings a much-needed plucking.
Homer Simpson: That was 'tree-mendous!' [Chuckles] Where's Ralph?
Ralph Wiggum: I almost died!
Marge Simpson: I contributed by not objecting too much.
Marge: I contributed by not objecting too much.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Homer Simpson: Don't film this!
Teamster: We're just resting our eyes.
Bart Simpson · Homer Simpson: Ow! You stepped on my arm! / Sorry. Daddy thought you were a pile of cable.
Homer Simpson: Yes. Through the magic of caring.
Homer Simpson: Well, I've been cutting the felt kind of crooked.
Award Show Host: Stop the music! Stop it! One more line, and we have to pay for the song!
Award Show Host: Oh, right. The bus disaster-very sad.
Awards host: Oh, right. The bus disaster-very sad.
Award Show Host: You can walk all over these doormats. [Laughs]
Awards host: You can walk all over these doormats.
Award Show Host: So all of you out there, type 'control backslash semicolon alt dot escape'... and you'll be fine.
Award Show Host: If you can find a sturdier hypno-coin, you buy it.
Award Show Host: would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage.
Awards host: Who writes this stuff?
Award Show Host: Who writes this stuff?
Homer Simpson: Please let me win this Lord, 'cause if you don't-
Homer Simpson: All my love has come back in trophy form.
Documentary Narrator: His scabby red knee became an infectious beacon of hope.
Bart Simpson: A beer-drinking meanie!
Homer Simpson: Oh! I almost had a straight!
Bart Simpson: We just spliced in some home movies. What do you think?
Homer Simpson: I'll mace you good!
Ned Flanders: My polite indignation knows no bounds!
Cletus Spuckler: Come back here with my young'un!
Homer Simpson: Uh, for frosty chocolate milk shakes! [Insane Laugh]
Arnie Pie · Kent Brockman: I'm gonna try to nail the driver with one of my shoes. / Arnie, please leave this to the police. / I'm sick of being a reporter. I want to make the news!
Arnie Pie: You're not the time, Kent! You're not the time!
Ralph Wiggum: Then you better turn.
Arnie Pie: Now he's realizing he's too fat. / He's digging a hole like a dog. / Now he's given up on that and he's running back and forth.
Arnie Pie: His legs are dangling in a comical fashion. / Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen.
Arnie Pie: I can't see through metal, Kent!
Homer Simpson · Bart Simpson · Lisa Simpson: Was it because I showered love on those other children while ignoring you? / Yep. / Pretty much.
Homer Simpson · Lisa Simpson: The teamsters said they'd pick it up by 5:00. / Yeah. That'll happen.
Bill Cosby Impression/Homer: Pokémon? Pokémon? With the pokey and the man... and the- [Gibberish]
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