Mr Lisa Goes To Washington

D'oh!

One million dollars. I'm rich!

See where it says 'Void, void, void' and 'This is not a check'? 'Cash value 1/20th of a cent.' 'Mr. Banker, do not honor.' - Shut up.

Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal.

I don't think real checks have exclamation points.

Marge, I never read a magazine in my life, and I'm not gonna start now.

Hey, a cartoon!

Ain't it the truth? No, it's not the truth, Homer. It's well-documented that women are safer drivers than men.

Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh.

Hey, you don't wanna eat? What you do, get one of them stomach staples?

As Tolstoy said in Quotable Notables... 'Give me learning, sir, and you may keep your black bread.'

Simpson, eh? How very strange. His job description clearly specifies an illiterate.

They take hundreds of magazines, filter out the crap... and leave you with something that fits right in your front pocket.

Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article. Don't be so-- Oh, you're right.

That reminds me. 'Seven ways to spice up your marriage.'

'You have a nice body... and if you'd like to see me in a costume, you have only to ask.'

Wow! Little meat loaf men!

Mom, it's a nice thought, but we both know that this is the pony to bet on.

He'd say, uh... 'Think of a better opening.'

Do kids still use that word 'cool'?

Sweetheart, there's nothing I wouldn't do for that magazine.

six white stripes... seven red stripes and a hell of a lot of stars

A little too good for an eight-year-old. Me thinks I detect the sickly scent of the daddy.

Could you touch your nose for me? Hmm.

Lisa, after meeting your father... I've decided to award you an additional five points.

Wa-hoo! Who would have guessed... reading and writing would pay off?

No, thank you. I'd rather push this button. Oops! - No! - We're all gonna die!

Look, Marge, that guy has the same last name we do.

Oh, boo yourself.

Shoe goes on, shoe goes off, shoe goes on, shoe goes off.

Hey, I call first bedsies. - Bart, there's no such thing as first bedsies. You just made that up.

What the-- D'oh! Stupid welcoming mint!

Wake-up call? It's 2:00 a.m. - Sorry, fatso.

That thing is really, really, really... good.

What does the 'I' stand for again? - Oh!

'On this spot, Richard Nixon bowled back-to-back 300 games.' - Yeah, right.

Barbara Bush! Oh, you have those damn badges.

Lousy, cheap country.

As you can see in our artist's rendition, it's full of old growth... just aging and festering away.

Offer me a bribe? Oh, what is it?

Tot shot always plays in the sticks.

If I ever vote, it'll be for him.

Later, she appeared on the highly unpopular 75-cent piece.

'I will iron your sheets when you iron out... the inequities in your labor laws.' - Amen, sister.

Well, let me put it this way, Jerry. Timber!

Mr. Lincoln-- I need your advice. What can I do to make this a better country? Is this a good time to buy a house? I can't get my boy to brush.

I never did anything important-- just the Declaration of Independence... the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter--

Cool! A ruckus.

And this will be one nation under the dollar... with liberty and justice for none.

And this will be one nation under the dollar... with liberty and justice for none.

A little girl... is losing faith in democracy. Good Lord!

Teddy who?

You work fast. I work for Uncle Sam.

Your bosses? - Yep. All 250 million of them.

Where else but in America-- or possibly Canada-- could our family find such opportunity?

I couldn't think of a nice way to say America stinks.

I couldn't think of a nice way to say America stinks.

I can't believe it. The system works.

I can't believe it. The system works.

I can't believe it. The system works.

D'oh!