Trick Or Treat

Larry:It seems silly to put a napkin on an old pair of pants.

Larry · Waiter:Cobb salad ordering sequence with extensive substitutions

Larry · Cliff:I'm getting a David salad. Yeah, it is a David salad.

Larry · Waiter:And I'll get agitation, if you can.

Cliff:I'm the 'Cobb' of Cobb salad.

Larry:This is a nice little bullshit story.

Larry:You know, my grandfather's name was Harold Bingo. He invented Bingo. Are you aware of that?

Larry · Shelley:We should have sex sometime. - Yes, we should.

Walter:Are you Jewish?

Larry:You wanna check my penis? Is that what you wanna do?

Walter · Larry:You're a self-loathing Jew. - Am I? - Yes! I do hate myself, but it has nothing to do with being Jewish.

Walter:Where's your Judaism? Judaism? Where are you? Where are you, Judaism?

Larry:They should put a muzzle on you. You're foaming at the mouth.

Unknown · Larry:Can you keep it down? Hey, I'm allowed to eat popcorn.

Larry · Unknown:Is it smoke? What comes out of your mouth in cold water? - It's breath. - But looks like smoke.

Larry · Donald:Tomorrow, I'm sitting around. I'm not doing anything. Sitting around?

Larry:I wasn't bored. I was yawning because... Can't somebody be tired and yawn? I mean it's a biological function.

Larry:If I was handicapped, I'd want people to tell me that they're sitting around.

Larry · Assistant:Thank you. I don't tuck in that much. Golf makes me tuck in. - You look good tucked in. - I'm rarely tucked in.

kids · Larry:Trick or treat. - Happy Halloween. - Festive?

Larry:Oh, my God. Shelley, no. That was... No, that was just a joke because they were talking so much.

Larry:My friend Cliff Cobb lied to me about the Cobb salad! His grandfather didn't invent it. Bob Cobb did!

Larry · Teenagers:I don't think so. - You kidding? - It's Halloween. Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean you're entitled to go around to people's homes and bilk them out of candy.

Larry · teenage girls:Where's your costumes? - I'm being my sister. - I'm a teacher. - Wow, I would like to get my seat in your class.

Teenagers:Asshole! Fuck you!

Larry:Doesn't mean you're entitled to go around to people's homes and bilk them out of candy.

Larry:I didn't know that it was gonna be 'felony or treat.'

Larry:Trick-or-treating at 40? Free candy, I'm 40 years old, I want free candy!

Larry · Police Officer:It was sort of Elvira-ish. She looked like Elvira. - So she was kind of in a little bit of costume there. The Elvira thing. - No, that wasn't a costume.

Larry:That's a hate crime. We're a set, we're a group. You can't call us bald assholes.

Larry · Officer Byrd:Sir, I'm bald, I'm not offended. - With all due respect, Officer Byrd, you are not bald. You have chosen to shave your hair.

Larry:we don't consider you part of the bald community. With all due respect.

Police Officer:It's kind of a social contract you enter when you open that door.

Larry:I will not be intimidated. Even on Halloween.

Donald:How old is she, 5 or 6 years old?

Donald · Larry:You're sick. - You can wear clothes, these clothes don't... - Stop it.

Donald:'I don't play golf.' Look at that shirt.

Cliff:I'm talking about the little knee game with Shelley. I'm talking about the arm over the neck. You're busted.

Cliff:Let me ask his wife to screw me. That's how you joke around?

Larry · Cliff:my grandfather invented the Cobb salad! - That's me who does that?

Larry:The Cobb salad, my friend, was invented in 1937 by Bob Cobb at the Brown Derby!

Cliff:That son of a bitch stole that salad from my grandfather.

Cliff:You're dead, you son of a bitch!

Larry · Girl:Hey, Elvira. - Some fucking weirdo is trying to talk to me.

Walter · Larry:Larry David! What brings you to our Jewish home? - Well, well, now it all makes perfect sense.

Walter:What a shanda Larry David is. Not only are you a lousy Jew, but you're a lousy human being!

Walter:He screws the wife of a man in a wheelchair!

Larry:Maybe you should have given me some candy!

Larry:That woman didn't give me the bracelet, so I had to come up with something.

Donald:How about six?